…are going to be looking at what’s new in the zoo for their 2025 handgun needs.
Boy, are we in trouble.
First off, I’m going to ignore anything chambered in 9mm, whether Parabellum or Short (.380 ACP). Why? Because 9mm DA pistols are like men’s hairy assholes: they’re fugly, and every man (except Your Humble Narrator) has one (the gun, I mean). Additionally, I can’t tell the difference between them without a score card, save for the Springfield XD which is recognizable only because it’s been on the market for so long.
Then there’s this horrible thing from Century:
A handgun (yeah, right) in .308 Win/7.62×51? Are you fucking kidding me?
Then, to add insult to injury is Ed Brown’s .45 ACP “Kobra Karry”
…which will doubtless find favor with the Kardashian coven because of that obsessive need to start every name with a “K”. And only a Kardashian would be able to afford this 1911 variant anyway, at over $3,000.
And speaking of 1911s, try the new Wilson Combat Project 1 (in 9mm yet):
I’m going to go out on a limb and state that this may be the ugliest 1911 ever made… and it sells for a piddling $4,000. Bill Wilson must have been on vacation when this blingy design was approved. It’s cheaper than the Nighthawk Double Agent (also in 9mm) by a couple of grand:
…but then all 1911s are cheaper than the Nighthawk.
Fach.
Okay, I’ve slagged off these “new” guns enough. Now for the question:
If your rich old Uncle Elmer offered to buy you any gun under $2,000 on this list, which one would you accept as a gift? (I promise to make no comment or criticism of your choice because #FreeGun.)