From the depths of Corporatocracy, in ascending order of frightfulness:
- “There’s not enough in the budget for the bonus we promised you”
- “You’ll have to spend six months at the new client’s office in Des Moines while we get the business settled”
- “HR wants to talk to you”
- “Our new CEO has a Harvard MBA”
…and the absolute worst thing your boss could ever say to you:
- “Meet LaShonda, our new VP of Diversity Awareness”
Your additions in Comments. Graphic language and seditious thoughts are not only allowed, they’re encouraged.
“Meet Ahmed, you’ll be training him as your replacement.”
No, no I won’t.
Yeah, been tried (thankfully, not by me). Generally, the company then informs you that you will be terminated immediately with no benefits or severance package. Oh, and don’t even ask for a reference.
And then corporate wonders why they have problems with retaining people…
This is happening to me right now, except that the person I’m training to replace me isn’t named Ahmed; she’s in Bangalore.
My last day is June 8. Fortunately, I already have a new job lined up.
Hopefully you’re providing your replacement with some time bombs.
Since I am my own boss, ………”Here is the list of new labor laws passed by the city of Seattle and the WA state legislature.”
From personal experience- detailed instructions on how to do a simple task, right as you are doing it- “turn the wrench to the left- LEFT-to the LEFT!”
“I’m going to need you to work the weekend…. yeah, that’d be great.”
Here is your new lecturer. He’s a dude. In a dress……
About that vacation next week that you scheduled 6 months ago…