5 Worst Iconic Artists

Friday Feature, The Worst

Inexplicably popular, revered by critics, nobody seems to have realized that these iconic emperors had not a single stitch of clothing between them.  Some have drawn my ire on these here pages before, but there are others.  So, ranked in order of artistic nudity:

  • Marlon Brando (Method mumbling)
  • Elizabeth Taylor (squeaky voice and horrible acting not fully redeemed by large breasts)
  • Johnny Cash (bass monotone;  probably the smallest vocal range of any singer ever)
  • Jackson Pollock (gaudy splashes masquerading as Art)
  • Frank Sinatra (couldn’t hit a note with a baseball bat;  should have quit singing in about 1958)

Your suggestions in Comments.

 

17 comments

  1. You’re wrong about Jackson Pollock, he was one of the most gifted and skilled men ever at the Art of the Con.

    1. Actually he wasn’t. He was an alcoholic failure. It was his (IIRC) wife who basically got him his acclaim.

  2. 1) Bob Dylan – couldn’t carry a tune if he went for a stroll with a CD in his hand.
    2) John Lennon – Existentialist/Socialist claptrap masquerading as depth.
    3) Robert DeNiro – Peaked in Taxi Driver, couldn’t act like he was falling if you dropped him off a bridge.
    4) Julia Roberts – I’ve seen better faces on clocks and better legs on tables.
    5) Guy Fieri – Has to look up the recipe for boiled water, then burns it.

    Did I gore enough sacred cows?

  3. In defense of Elizabeth Taylor: her eyes.

    In defense of Johnny Cash: his songwriting and ability to “sell” a song with his limitations. Plus, his version of “Hurt”. Even the songwriter respected JC’s version.

    Frank Sinatra needs no defense from me. His early career was amazing, spectacular. You must be thinking of his later years.

    Other than Frank, I don’t actually disagree with your criticisms, even for the ones I defended.

    How about we add Bruce Springsteen to the list?

    1. Come on, Frank, find that note! –me, any time I hear a Sinatra song

      Makes my ears hurt. He’s less precise than an Imperial Stormtrooper.

      1. Frank should have stayed retired when he first did it in 1971 – his voice was never the same when he came back, all he had was the phrasing left.

  4. Bruce Springsteen? Oh, hell yes! I remember hearing BS back in the ’70s when his “Born to Run” breakthrough hit was all the rage and I couldn’t understand his appeal then, nor any time since. It must be a New Jersey thing.

    1. Woody Allen was funny back in the late 60’s/early 70’s. He got this delusion that he was this kind of auteur.

  7. Couldn’t disagree more re: Sinatra – Mt. Rushmore all the way. Brando & Taylor are sufficiently before my time that I’ve never really paid attention to either (although I can’t imagine anyone else as Vito Corleone). I find Pollack interesting, but I’m totally with you on Cash. I’ve never been able to get my arms around why he’s such an icon. In addition to the vocal limitations, his lyrics are among the most infantile ever bleated.

    In no particular order: Tom Petty, Bruce Springsteen, Bon Jovi, Foreigner, REO Speedwagon, Neil Diamond, Neil Young, Ozzie, Metallica, G&R, Prince, Whitney, Madonna, Bowie, U2…

    Truncating the list to only 5 is an impossibility; it was tough enough to end it so soon.

    Carry on.

    1. Metallica was good during the Cliff Burton days. After he was gone, and Bob Rock had started actually mixing in the bass, they had pretty much sold right out.
      Ozzy’s just some lucky bloke from Birmingham who wound up with a groundbreaking band, then married a good producer- and I suspect he would 100% agree with that.

  8. I’m with you on Springsteen – His three note ranged yelling and sweating is a poor excuse for singing.
    Sinatra was good in his younger years and could nail a swing tune, but when he tried a ballad or crooning number, he hurt my ears with his off-key notes. He should have retired from singing 25 years before he did.
    Then there’s Lennon’s honey, Yoko Ono. ‘Nuff said on that one.

  9. I see that others here have already dispensed with Springsteen, but he’s the first I thought of for this thread. All of his crap sounds exactly the same.

    Same for Mick Jagger and Van Morrison. Blech!

  10. You had to see Liz in her early days…when she still had that 18″ waist, the boobs, and those eyes…..then she met Mike Todd.

  12. Maplethorpe that photographer that shoved riding crops where the sun don’t shine. That’s not talent that’s a mental disorder

    Madonna the alleged singer. She’s a smut peddler

    Anyone who is famous for being famous such as the Kardashians, Nicole Richie etc.

    Pam Anderson -lights on or off yuck. even with Baywatch on mute yuck

    Great picks for Springstreen, Lennon etc

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