A couple of Readers (or maybe their wives) have sent me emails concerning last Saturday’s post, which pictured the interior of a 1950s-era Mercedes 300S. To combine and paraphrase their messages: “O no Kim, that old car looks dreadfully unsafe!”
Whereupon I publish this response (courtesy of Mr. Free Market):
I’m not talking about Twinkies or Reece’s Pieces and such, I’m talking about the foul practice of eating so-called “exotic” animal meat.
I never understood the fad of eating meat from monkeys, or rodents, or any of that kind of treif (to use the Yiddish term for unclean meat). Sure, if you’re starving to death and there’s nothing else, then be my guest. But to consider rattlesnake, for example, as a delicacy is bullshit. (FYI: I’ve eaten rattlesnake before, and don’t let anyone fool you with that “tastes like chicken” line — it tastes exactly like snake, and if you can’t imagine that taste then let me tell you, it’s nasty).
Of course, a lot of this eating foolishness comes from the Far East, e.g. China because they’re fucking morons who are often reduced to extending their protein diet because they live under Communism and Communism, as any fule kno, creates food shortages and any foodstuff is better than the alternative.
Now we find out that the latest little present we’re getting from China, the highly-contagious and deadly corona virus, stems from eating bats, or snakes (which eat bats).
Bats, lest we forget, are winged rats and snakes are, well, snakes. Both should be strenuously avoided, in terms of both physical contact and ingestion, no matter how “appealing” they might look:
Don’t let anyone talk shit into your ear about how they’re “exotic” or “delicacies” — stick with regular foods because while all meat is potentially dangerous — trichonosis from being undercooked, mercury concentration etc. — at least our food supply is more or less monitored properly when it comes to beef, pork, chicken, fish and so on. Exotic meats? Nobody has a clue, least of all the fucking Asians, who never wash their hands and probably worship roadkill as a delicacy too.
By the way: I don’t care how wonderful fugu tastes, or how closely the Japanese regulate its preparation, or how fugu chefs are supposed to kill themselves if they screw up, or any of that stuff. The fact remains that it’s highly toxic, and if you want to flirt with death, rather drive a rear-wheel drive pickup truck on a Dallas freeway during an ice storm. No, I don’t know what fugu tastes like, will never find out for myself, and I’m perfectly okay with that.
And stay away from bats and snakes. I can’t believe I should have to tell anyone this. Have some decent White Person food instead.
(Several people wrote to me and pleaded with me to extend the deadline because of the dreaded Post-Christmas Poverty so common in Western society. So I have.)
**** Note: the deadline for entries is now February 29 ****
For those who missed this announcement (see here for details), let me remind you that this is a good chance to get a very nice long-distance sniper hunting rifle (such as the example below), for only the cost of a couple boxes of ammo…
(FYI: from memory, the above rig cost about $2,800 back in 200[x]. We’re not quite halfway there right now, and guns have got more expensive since then.)
We’ve moved from the BB gun with a $10 Chinese scope mounted on it with duct tape, to a halfway-decent rifle, e.g. this second-hand CZ 577 Heavy Barrel in .308 Win:
…except that it will still only have the $10 Chinese scope mounted on it with duct tape.
Here’s an idea of what you can get, second-hand, for just over $2,800: 
Remington Arms 40-XB KS 7.62x51mm NATO caliber single shot rifle,with heavy stainless barrel, Kevlar stock and a Leupold 24X BR scope.
Or else this (also second-hand), for about $2,500:
Steyr Tactical HB .308 Win caliber rifle with Zeiss 3-12×56 scope.
That’s the kind of rig I’m aiming for. So you know what to do, those of you who’ve been lollygagging and waiting for Godot: get out them dusty old checkbooks and send in your entries.
Some honchos in the gun world have weighed in with their home defense choices:
Keeping all of this in mind, we sought out a variety of professionals to comment on their particular home-defense guns, and more importantly, why they have those guns — simply telling you they use a 12-gauge isn’t very helpful. You don’t have to be a Special Forces guy or SWAT ninja to consider their rationales, so our hope is that after you read this piece you’ll evaluate the contents of your own nightstand. While there are some brand-names mentioned, think of each configuration as a loose guideline for a given situation and not an internet special, where all the parts and pieces have to match exactly. This is about choosing home-defense equipment, not points on the ‘gram. Still, we’ll disclose all of those parts and pieces, because we dabble in gear nerdery.
Sheesh. Talk about space-age stuff.
I’m not one of those “heavy hitters”, nor do I get free shit thrown at me by any manufacturers [sob] so here are my home defense suggestions, based in my own circumstances.
Bedside:
DA revolver in .357 Magnum, because as I’ve said countless times before, your “people in the house, grope in the dark” gun has to be like a fork: when you pick it up, it has to work simply and without any chance of failure. My only “accessory” (which I don’t have at the moment) would be one of those laser pointer thingies that are activated by squeezing the grip.
Home defense:
AK-47. I live in a suburban apartment complex, so there’s little call for any kind of animal varmint reduction. Human varmints, however, may be another (albeit remote) situation even in my affluent location, and I prefer an AK over a shotgun because 20 rounds are better than 2 (I don’t have a pump- or semi-auto shotgun, only a side-by-side). (Also, nothing says “RUN AWAY!” like the sight of an AK pointed at your midsection.)
Accessories:
Fenix FX-PD35TAC flashlight, because of the 1000-watt beam and the strobe option — which is so disorienting it actually causes nausea at the naughty end. I carry one of these bad boys in my gilet pocket, and keep another next to the bed.
Sjambok for controlling angry dogs and/or assholes.
That’s it. I have other options, so to speak, but the above are what I always keep (very) close at hand. Well, they would be kept close at hand, except for that unfortunate canoeing incident on the Brazos River a few years back. This is just my wishlist.
Some old harpy is crowing over the fact that at 59, she hasn’t yet been afflicted with the Dreaded Menopause:
I’m 59 and haven’t hit menopause – and it’s all down to great sex!
Great Caesar’s Scabby Phallus… do we have to have yet another unbearable Baby Boomer’s revelations about the Joys Of Sex? Can’t we all just agree that sex is great, and stop talking about it all the time?
I need my breakfast gin, ran out over the weekend, and the bloody booze shops don’t open for two hours yet. Everybody take shelter.
Gadzooks! ‘Tis Monday, and time to clean up!!!
So to make the weeping sweeping a little easier:
And speaking of female items, there’s Brit TV’s Claire Sweeney:
Now get outta that bed and go to work.