Month: February 2020

Okay, Okay… You Win

Drive Time

After last weekend’s post about my “modern” dream car was roundly mocked in Comments, I’ve decided on my modern dream car — and it’s a 2020 model withal: the Mercedes Benz G550 Geländewagen:

Let’s recap:  it was originally a .dotmil truck, the civilian version of which was first released back in 1979, and has continued more or less unchanged ever since — the longest production model in Mercedes Benz’s history.  (I know:  the 1981 modifications added frilly stuff like automatic transmission and A/C, but that’s all water under the bridge now.)  So technically, the G-wagen is a 1980s car/truck which while modified over the years, has never relinquished its true ethos.  Try saying that  about any other car, I dare ya.

Tech specs for the 2020 model are:  a 4.0-liter twin-turbo V8 engine which delivers 416 horsepower / 450 ft-lbs torque, outrageous off-road capabilities, and fuel consumption which gives the Greens sleepless nights, largely because… wait for it… it wasn’t designed by some fucking wind tunnel sycophants.

It presses all my buttons:  a storied heritage, an unchanged appearance (why change it when you got it right first time?), massive power, virtual indestructibility, and political incorrectness.

And because I’m an Old Phartte (First Class), I love the interior luxury as well:

Finally, it has enough room to carry all the gun gear I’d ever want to:

Yeah I know:  the G550 costs over $130 grand (which, considering that the Maserati QP it replaced in my affections costs well over $160 grand, means I’d actually be saving money to spend on a new shotgun).   It’s not as roomy inside as, say, a Chevy Tahoe, but I don’t have to schlep teenage kids around anymore — it’s me and New Wife + guns/groceries for 99.99% of the time.  And yes, it’s a bit of a hassle to get into because of its high ground clearance —  hence the addition of retractable step rails (a 1990s modification).

And no:  I’m not interested in the souped-up AMG version because I don’t need the additional power and concomitant stiffer suspension/less comfortable ride.  I’ll leave that option to the Kim Kardashians of this world who seem to enjoy jiggling around.

I swear to you all:  if I win the stupid lottery in time, I’ll arrive at Boomershoot 2020 in one of these.  Just watch me.

First They Came For The Airline Stewardesses

Gratuitous Chick Pics, Men & Women, Modernism

Back in the day when airline flying meant a chance to ogle some beautiful young women in uniform, they were called “stewardesses” or “stews”.  Often, the airlines enforced a “no married women” and even an age limit policy for the stews because, the reasoning went, if the stews had families, they’d be affected by the absense of Mommy while she’d be out of town so often.  So We The Passengers had to put up with stuff like this:

 

Then some asswipe in Big Airline HR decided that this was eeeevil  and anti-womyns  or something, with the result that nowadays, international flights resemble Grab-A-Granny Night at TGI Friday, or Open Bar Night at The Villages.  (No pics, I can’t bear the thought.)

Then last year, Sports Illustrated  took some shit because, and I quote:

“…the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue  doesn’t care about plus-sized women, athletes, or religious models. It cares about staying relevant while also profiting off men buying a magazine to drool over hot women. These silly claims of empowerment through the swimsuit issue cannot change the fact that pages of sexualized women marketed toward men are inherently sexist, insulting, and gross.”

(I even talked about it here.)

Needless to say, the stupids at Sports Illustrated  decided to make their crap magazine yet more crappy, by taking the above criticism to heart for this year’s T&A issue, hence this appalling prospect:

Wait till you see the “plus-sized” (i.e. grossly overweight) entrant… it’ll put you off chocolate cake for life.  (By the way, the granny in the above pic is quite hot, IMO, but if yer gonna put some granny-aged totty in a bikini, why not someone like Sharon Stone, or Stephanie Seymour?)

This modern attitude towards women’s bodies is starting to get to me.  As are the Woke Generation, in toto.

Nostalgia

The Gun Thing

Nothing against the current TexGov, but I still miss ol’ Rick Perry:

I don’t know what he’s doing up in Washington D.C. nowadays, but I’m pretty sure he’s not having as much fun as he used to.

Oh Yeah, Baby

The Gun Thing

Now this is a politician I could get behind, so to speak:

During the Georgia senator’s first public speech, she announced that she cosponsored three separate Second Amendment bills, including:

  • S. 69, the Conceal Carry Reciprocity Act, which would enable law-abiding citizens to exercise their right to self-defense across the nation through national concealed carry reciprocity.
  • S. 817, the Hearing Protection Act, which would cut regulations on the purchase of hearing protection and make it easier to purchase firearm suppressors.
  • S. 1331, the Veterans Second Amendment Rights Restoration Act, which would protect law-abiding veterans who own firearms from having their right to bear arms unfairly infringed by the federal government without due process.

Loeffler said in a statement that Republicans must fight back against the Democrats’ push to undermine Americans’ Second Amendment rights.

Georgia, man… gotta love ’em down there.

 

5 Worst Things About Valentine’s Day

The Worst

Welcome to the first major Hallmark Holiday of the year. Here are the five worst:

  • Soppy fucking movies on TV and cutesy fucking teddy bears (are we still five years old?) everywhere you look
  • Hay fever from all the fucking roses in the drugstore
  • This bullshit in the newspapers:
  • All those articles in women’s magazines about how single women are traumatized by not having a date tonight
  • Knowing that it’s the one day of the year you have to buy her flowers / candy / a romantic dinner simply to get what you can get any other night of the year just by feeding her a couple wine coolers.

Your pet peeves about ValDay in Comments.