From a buddy: 
On a related note, I see that pharmacies are reporting that as more and more people are self-isolating, sales of hair dye are going through the roof: proof that some among us have their priorities perfectly straight. (Question: if you’re immured in your house, who the fuck is going to see you anyway?) Some people are too stupid, or vain, to exist.
In other news, I await with interest the headlines which will finally attest to the fact that public schools are not educational institutions but really just State-provided daycare:
Suburban mothers go batshit crazy at having to look after the kiddies 24/7; start drinking Bloody Marys nonstop from 6.30am
or
Mother stabs teenage son to death after 45th time in a week that he leaves the toilet seat up
or
Mother tells kids to “do whatever the fuck you want” after trying to homeschool them for four whole days
Your suggestions in Comments.
While sales of sanitizing wipes, TP, paper towels, other assorted cleaning products start to wane, condom sales are brisk. I fear it is too late and another generation of idiots may have already been conceived.
People that ship their kids off as soon as possible to pay other people to care and educate them are not parents. The result of this detachment starts to appear after about 10 years and plagues the victim children the rest of their lives.
“if you’re immured in your house, who the fuck is going to see you anyway?”
Don’t you think the Mrs. would like to look good for you?
Parents worried they’ll have to raise their own children as government schools shut down.