Over at Britain’s The Sun litterbox-liner, there’s a regular column devoted to sex (of course) under the monicker of “Dear Deidre”. Now I happen to think that the “letters” are total fiction (see: Penthouse Letters etc.), but that doesn’t mean that the situations are irrelevant. [/Dan Rather]
Here’s one example: a guy starts bonking someone not his wife, for all the usual reasons. At first, it’s happy-happy-fun-fun times:
She was wearing just a dressing gown when I got there. She led me to her bedroom and we had sex. She clearly loved it and so did I.
But:
…she became very demanding and started expecting sex three or four times a week.
I found it difficult to keep up with her and even got Viagra-type pills off the internet.
I know: we should all be so lucky, right? Read on:
I’ve tried to cut down seeing my lover to once a week but she says that isn’t enough.
She wants us to get together properly and drops hints that she will tell my wife what we have been doing if I attempt to back away.
It was great at first but she scares me now.
Yeah, he deserves everything that happens to him, the louse etc. etc. But let me tell you: something like this happened to me many years ago — not as a husband, thank gawd, but as a boyfriend with a sorta-steady girlfriend — and it was a horrible situation.
It ended badly (no details necessary) — at least in a more-or-less civilized fashion — but I should point out that this doesn’t happen every time. More often than not, lives are ruined by shit like this. It’s the obverse of the jilted ex-boyfriend stalking the woman and his replacement, and the really bad thing about situations like this is that they sometimes don’t end violently, but they often do.
And it’s easy to be all virtuous and self-righteous, but if I know one thing about men, it’s that we fuck up, sometimes even when we know better.
I have a theory that every man has lurking out there, at least one woman who has the power to make him lose his reason. Some men never meet that woman, and they are the lucky ones. Others do, and fall. I have encountered four. The only positive thing about getting to my age is that after while you get to recognize these dangerous women and are prepared for the thunderbolt. And even then, you could still screw up. There are no guarantees. It’s a jungle, and sometimes we men are not the predators, but the prey.
As Desk Sergeant Phil Esterhaus used to say every day: be careful out there.
As we say over in the gun rights department, it’s all about control. When I was a very naive young sailor I was involved with a woman who once described herself as “centerfold quality”. I won’t dispute that claim but at 19 I really didn’t understand that there was something very wrong with someone who said that. She was a psychology major and I learned that she really enjoyed experimenting with my emotions just to discover my reactions. I’m sure that she got a couple of good papers out of me. We parted company when I received orders to VietNam which in retrospect was a good thing. Last month the wife – who I met when I was a hopefully less naive 23 years old – and I celebrated 44 years of a sane and peaceful marriage.
Psychochicks, we’ve all had them. I had a girlfriend once who wanted to see other people, then got pissed when I did. She admitted she wasn’t sure she wanted to be with me, but she wanted me to remain available in case she did. Ah, no.
Just one more difference between the sexes, if a man is knocking boots with a married woman, and she decides she’s had enough (or is having too much), he’ll likely walk away and find someone else to make the beast with two backs with (how many euphemisms for nooky can I use in one comment?) Women are much more possessive and vindictive (Hell hath no fury and all that).
Mrs D and I celebrated 20 years last November. While I may encounter a woman who makes me lose my reason, I’m getting to the age now where, should I meet her, she’d give me a hard pass so I don’t see much danger. Besides, since I’m oblivious to flirting (my wife once had to tell me a woman was flirting with me), even if she DID make a move I’d likely miss the signals.
As for your first paragraph, it’s fairly common for a woman to want to keep you on the hook while she tries for something better. Quite often, that’s what “Can’t we just be friends” really means – you’re the backup in case she can’t get who she wants more.
And face it, the difference between men and women here is that unless he is very self-disciplined, the man will try to sleep with the spares, too.
I was also a victim of choosing my first wife from the wrong corner of the Hot / Crazy matrix. ( before I knew about it ). After the initial bad reaction wore off, I came to appreciate the value of great and wise lawyer. It’s much better to the one with all the cards. She got nothing but a large bill from her Lawyer. ( be careful …. YMMV ) .
2nd time much better results …… 38 years and still going.
You, too?!?
My ex could suck a golf ball through a 50 foot garden hose but even HER lawyer thought she was whacked out.
It seems like the ones I wanted, didn’t want me. The ones that wanted me, well I was fortunate to see most problems before a commitment was made.
I discovered that most people will tell you what they are all about, if you listen. Trust is a big issue with me, after listening to a divorcee coach her daughter on lying to the Grandfather, about a misused financial transaction. So long, goodbye, farewell, been nice learning to avoid you…
I trust my wife. Neither one of us is perfect, we have our problems. But I trust her. Now if she would just not talk so much…
So, you’re reading the Currant Bun again