Month: August 2020

Monday Funnies

Funny Stuff

After a lovely weekend, Monday mornings are like being really hungover after some heroic partying, and waking up to this lying on the pillow next to you.

So to get that out of your minds, here’s some fun stuff.

Actually, that’s the average corporate workplace nowadays, except that it needs a couple of HR weasels to round it off.

Don’t see why;  I can see at least a dozen pieces that aren’t actually touching the floor.

And while we’re on that topic:

Good question.  And finally:

Another good question.  But instead of questions, let’s all look at some answers, to the question: “What’s so good about 105-degree days?”:

Hope that helps.

Stuck In The Old Ways

Drive Time

As any fule kno, I am hopelessly old-fashioned, mired in the past (although I would prefer the latter to read “well-rooted”) and in general, an unbending foe of Most Things Modern.

In yesterday’s post about the non-spectator event formerly known as The Masters, I got sidetracked by following a train of thought along a branch line, all about driving a fast car around the exquisite Spa-Francorchamps race track.

…the “fast car” of choice being the excellent Caterham / Lotus 7:

This led to a side discussion in Comments, as these things generally do, during which Longtime Friend and Reader Nevikoff said:

“But… I think I’d pick something other than a Lotus 7 for it.  True, the thing handles like an overgrown go-kart (about which I have, shall we say, “some advanced information”) and the true agony comes not from driving it but assembling one from a kit (don’t ask), but given that some spectacular Ferraris, Maseratis and the like have graced these pages, I’d think choosing from that list would be preferable.”

All good points.  Here’s my thinking on the topic:

I grant you that there may be better cars than the Caterham / Lotus 7 for a joyride around Spa, but being the conservative Ole Phartte that I am, I would prefer to race around that track in the manner of Fangio and Moss rather than Vettel and Verstappen (or even Lotterer and Sarrazin).

For that reason, I choose the Lotus, because it’s the closest thing to this:

…which, while it is quite possibly the most beautiful F1 car ever to race, would probably kill me at the first corner.

So the Caterham it is;  although if there are dark clouds in the sky — and it always rains at Spa — I might reserve the right to exchange the 7 for something with an actual roof (not a ragtop), not only for the cover from the rain, but also for the added protection it would afford me when I spin off at Eau Rouge (3 minute video).

For that, there’s only one car I’d consider for the task (as rebuilt and modernized by these guys):

Why modernized, Kim?  I hear you ask.

Because I’d like to complete at least one circuit of the track without the thing breaking down.  And in the rain and gloom, I’d also like the lights and windshield wipers to work at the same time, which is generally not possible with the original

…as installed by Lucas Electrical, the “Prince of Darkness”.

I might be old-fashioned, but I’m not that romantic.

And in Comments, let’s hear your ideal car for a jaunt around Spa, with reasons.

Still No Spectators

Sports

I spoke about sports being played in empty stadiums because of the Chinkvirus — which I can sorta understand, because by their very nature and architecture, stadiums cram people together in their seats.

I do not understand why Augusta National is holding their postponed tournament without spectators, though.

Since our initial announcement to postpone the 2020 Masters, we have remained committed to a rescheduled Tournament in November while continually examining how best to host a global sporting event amid this pandemic. As we have considered the issues facing us, the health and safety of everyone associated with the Masters always has been our first and most important priority.
Throughout this process, we have consulted with health officials and a variety of subject matter experts. Ultimately, we determined that the potential risks of welcoming patrons and guests to our grounds in November are simply too significant to overcome.
Even in the current circumstances, staging the Masters without patrons is deeply disappointing. The guests who come to Augusta each spring from around the world are a key component to making the Tournament so special. Augusta National has the responsibility, however, to understand and accept the challenges associated with this virus and take the necessary precautions to conduct all aspects of the Tournament in a safe manner. We look forward to the day when we can welcome all of our patrons back, hopefully in April 2021.

I don’t think that the problem is as bad as they make it sound — assuming that there even is a problem by the time the tournament begins — but Augusta National has always been a sensible kind of operation (except when they allowed women to become members, that is), so there it is.

I for one always watch the Masters on TV — I can’t remember ever missing it.  Even when I still lived in Seffrica I’d stay awake through the night to watch Player and Nicklaus and Palmer grappling with the course.

Playing Augusta was once a Bucket List item, but no more:  I’m too old, and my golf game, always kinda shit, would make me a laughing stock if I did somehow manage to get to play there.

I’d still like to drive a fast-ish car around Spa Francorchamps, though;  not in a race, but maybe on a Track Day.

I’m not too old for that.  Especially in one of these:

Dude Means Business

Crime, Law and Order, The Gun Thing

Cops raid some bad guys’ place, find this:

Of course, this will have to be banned because of all those drive-by chainsaw massacres.

I can’t help thinking that this beast is mainly for intimidation purposes — not to mention that the carrier needs to be fairly muscular just to carry it around.

That said, in the hands of law enforcement, I can’t help but think that it would be a decent riot repellent — although a simple bayonet would have pretty much the same effect.

Quote Of The Day

QOTD

“The Democrats’ hateful, moronic comments are beyond the pale, and the Democrats know it, but they don’t care because they have nothing to offer the public debate but rage, resentment and quackery. Until other Democrats stand up against this hysteria, they’re admitting to the country their party has no claim to national leadership.” — Republican Tom DeLay (TX), January 2001

Or, as the late and much-missed Acidman put it:

“I could tolerate leftists if they had any coherent ideas for a better way to do things. But they don’t. They cling stubbornly to failed brain-fart dreams that have been attempted over and over again with disastrous results, but they never learn. When better ideas come along, they simply screech and holler at them, then fling feces like the monkeys they are.”

 

That’s It, I’m Voting For Biden*

Food & Drink, Funny Stuff

I mean there’s only so much a man can take, when faced with this situation:

[Britain’s] international Trade Secretary welcomed an announcement by US trade representative Robert Lighthizer that Washington would not go ahead with a threatened extension of the tariff regime that would have affected gin and blended whisky.
And in a ‘modest’ easing of the tariffs, Mr Lighthizer said products such as shortbread would now be exempted as the two sides continue to seek a resolution to a dispute centred on planemaker Airbus.
But duties on top-quality single malt whiskies – which are made from a single batch of malted barley – remain in place at 25 per cent.

Shortbread?  Shortbread?  Who gives a shit about shortbread (a.k.a. compressed sugary sawdust) when Glenmorangie is being taxed to the skies?  Twenty fucking five percent?

And let me warn our esteemed President and “trade representatives”:  raising taxes on Sipsmiths and J&B would make you no different from the high-tax-loving Democratic Socialists.

HANDS OFF MY BOOZE!

*Just kidding.