From the Knuckledragger’s Comments:
“Went to a wedding. Bride tossed the bouquet and women went nuts trying to get it. Groom fired off the garter, and the guys just moved out of the way, like the Red Sea parting.
“Several girlfriends were not amused. “
I saw the same thing once, when the band played a wedding. I later found out that most of the guys were divorced.
At my sister’s wedding, she took careful aim, and tossed the bouquet into the middle of a gaggle of her lesbian friends. It bounced between them all as if it were on fire, hit the ground, and her lesbian maid of honor picked it up.
When it came time for the garter, all the guys sauntered over, most, like me, with a drink in their hands. I wasn’t even paying attention, chatting with a friend. The brother-in-law shot the garter, the waves parted, and reflexes hit my arm and caused me to grab it.
When it came time to put the garter on the…uh..lady, the comfortable shoes league wouldn’t let me up off the floor until the garter was as high as it could be. There’s a picture of me with my fist nearly in her twat cramming the thing as far as it would go.
Later, my girlfriend-soon-to-be-wife overheard the maid’s girlfriend say something insulting about her. I had to grab her to stop her taking care of business.
Most guys I know would rather catch a flaming angry porcupine.
Consider that “flaming angry porcupine” phrase well and truly stolen.
My favorite “I’d rather” line, is “I’d rather give breech birth to a flaming angry porcupine”
I’m thinking no matter how athletic she is otherwise, the last thing you want her to be is a “wide receiver.”
But Og nails it.
Picture it. Big Catholic wedding reception. Lot’s of family and guests. Everyone having a good time.
Forget the bouquet toss. That was routine and the ladies all squealed with delight.
Ahh, but now comes the garter toss. My friend, the groom has positioned himself with the lovely bride seated in front of him. The camera is rolling. He reaches waaay up under the brides dress and with great flourish pulls out…
A pair of bright red panties!
…and throws them to the crowd.
Pandemonium! Everyone, young and old were laughing their asses off.
Except the bride.
You know those horror movies where the face of the evil one turns into a skull with lighted red eyes? Well, I saw it in real life. In the video you could see her mouthing the words: “My grandmother is here!”
Of course, granny was rolling on the floor laughing right along with the rest of us.
The bride must have gotten over it because that was over 30 years ago and they are still married – with children and grandchildren.
Grannies have been a lot more daring than we’ll ever know.
The women at these things always have someone in mind. I swear my cousin grew a whole foot to catch the bouquet at her dad’s second wedding, and one of my brothers has the photo to prove it. From 5’6″ to something the WNBA would have wanted to sign on the spot!