Closeted

I’ve always believed that Portuguese footballer Cristiano Ronaldo is either buried deep within the closet, or else he’s just one of the most effeminate men in professional football.  Here’s why:

Please.  I know that Euro men are typically more effeminate than the average, but (without a shred of proof) I bet that he has as many male fans as female fans — and by “male”, I mean the kind who would use the above as stroke material.

“Oh but Kim,”  I hear you cry out, “Cristiano has a beautiful girlfriend, and has fathered four children by her withal.”

Uh huh.  Here’s Mr. Macho at a Press conference a little while ago:

Dude’s wearing more diamonds than Liberace at a Turkish bath.  (And a woman’s engagement ring?)

Not, as they say, that there’s anything wrong with all that.  He’s still one of the greatest footballers ever to play the game, even if after he scores, he often does this “out of excitement”:

Yup.  And all over the world, men of a certain persuasion get excited too, I’ll bet.  Still, I love watching him play because, when all’s said and done, he’s an absolutely brilliant footballer.  None of that other shit matters.