18 comments

  1. Him: “Your liberal mindset is a turn off.”
    Her: “Blowing your load on my mug is NOT conservative.”

  2. Her: “I’ll bet he’s thinking about that little bitch Stephanie at work!”

    Him: “So if Santa knows who’s naughty and nice, wouldn’t he have known that Rudolph was being bullied?”

  3. It was a stunning reversal: She asked “What’s wrong?” and he didn’t even deign to reply “Nothing.”

  4. He: A threesome is two girls and a guy!
    She: A threesome is two guys and a girl!

  5. And, once again, we see an overage of bed pillows leading to the inevitable downfall of ‘western’ ‘civilization’!

    *****

    The excess of bed pillows results in an uncomfortable and unfamiliar — and ultimately, unproductive — out-of-balance relationship!

    *****

    As she flounders helplessly, her excessive bed pillows places her in the unenviable dominant position!

    *****

    As she attempts to dominate the relationship through an excess of bed pillows — and an excess of verbiage — he wonders if the contents of that bottle of mayonnaise in the fridge would be enough for a nice tuna sandwich… probably!

    *****

    With only moments until the universe ‘cocks on its ear’, he cunningly ‘bides his time’ until she needs to take ‘a quick breath’, and then… he successfully makes a grab for those dang pillows!

    *****

    He equipped his ‘love chamber’ with an excess pillow just in case — and it is always the case — an over-night ‘guest’ requires some ‘quiet time’!

  6. Her: “What do you mean you don’t know what a ‘bolt carrier group’ is?”

    Him: “I’m sorry. I don’t like guns.”

    Her: “This is Texas. You should have told me before that you were gay.”

  7. Her: But I swear I wasn’t talking about you when I said “limp and shriveled is no way to go thru life.”

    Him: I know you were talking about *OTUS, but did you have to say it at that exact moment?

  8. Her Thinking: “You’re the reason we don’t have kids.”

    Him Thinking: “God its hard watching TV when she stares at me. Her sister doesn’t do this.”

  9. Her: “Honey, I really want this job at the strip club!”

    Him: “Yea but I don’t think I can handle the emasculation of being the bouncer’s boyfriend.”

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