Dear Dr. Kim:
My girlfriend says she has been faking orgasms for a year and I am considering breaking up with her. What should I do? — Unsatisfied, [address withheld]
Dear “Unsatisfied”:
Short answer: Break up with her.
Long answer: Break up with her. No relationship has ever survived sexual dysfunction — in this case, your desire to take your partner to the peak of sexual intimacy, and her inability to do so.
Longer answer: Break up with her. In the vast majority of cases, a woman’s inability to have an orgasm is not physical, but psychological — and most especially if she’s never been able to reach a climax with any partner. There is no upside to the two of you trying to address this together and frankly, I don’t see marriage as even a remote option here.
This is not your problem; it’s hers. Move on.
— Dr. Kim
Normal disclaimer / obligatory warning for stupid people:
Dr. Kim isn’t a doctor, doesn’t play one on TV (but has been known to do so with unsuspecting women on an ad-hoc basis). His advice should be taken with a metric tonne of salt and two metric tonnes of humor, and should be followed with extreme care. Dr. Kim takes no responsibility for outcomes of separation, violence, divorce or strange diseases stemming from the adoption of his advice.
I’ve had a few friends with women that had that issue.
Sex pretty much stops after the honeymoon.
One dude I know had this issue. I was visiting his shop while waiting to hit the airport to return home. He said “It was my anniversary last weekend, I got laid”. I said so what, how long has it been. “Since Ashley was born”
The kid was in kindergarten. I asked how it was.
He said “meh.. shouldn’t have bothered”
Run away dude, you got a defective unit there.
Yeah. I was celibate for a couple of years after my eldest son was born. Then it was on again for a few months until she got pregnant for the second time, when it stopped.
I left her after seven years of marriage during which I’d had one year of a sex life. More fool me for hanging around for so long.
Years of celibacy while sleeping with a woman and paying the bills is like a bayonet in the guts.
Women’s faked orgasms are a different problem from what people think.
1) It indicates a lack of willingness to communicate with her partner. Maybe the guy is intimidating; maybe she’s shy or embarrassed. Whatever the reason, critical communications – of her needs, and her willingness to LIE about them being fulfilled – means she’s operating a dishonest relationship with you.
2) As another said, lack of orgasms is mostly psychological. If she isn’t getting there, and she IS communicating with her partner, then it’s either a) he’s a crap lover, or b) she has (likely) psychological or (unlikely) physical issues.
Either way, NEXT. You don’t fix broken women, especially at the girlfriend stage. She’s dishonest; move on.