“Dear Dr. Kim:
“My wife is 46 and I’m 48. We weren’t getting on and she was distracted, always on her phone, messaging someone. But when I managed to peek at her phone, all messages had been deleted — a tell-tale sign if ever there was one.
“I asked her if everything was OK between us, and she swore it was. She even made a special effort that weekend — cooking my favourite dinner and coming on to me for sex.
Still not convinced, I decided to hire a PI to follow her when she went to work. Within a week, he’d taken pictures of her meeting a man at a hotel — and checking into the same room.
“She had been blatantly lying to my face. Furious, I confronted her and said our marriage was over.
“In 24 hours I found a flat, moved out all my stuff and contacted a solicitor about divorce.
“But now, I’m starting to feel that I shouldn’t have gone.
“I’m the innocent, blameless party here, sitting alone in an ugly flat, with cheap furniture and a suitcase of my clothes. She’s the cheat who destroyed our marriage.
“Yet she gets to be in our beautiful, warm home with all the things we bought together over the years. Plus, I’m still paying half the mortgage on the house and will be until the divorce is sorted. It seems terribly unfair.
“And I know I’m far from the only man this has happened to. Why is it always the man who moves out?”
Dear Lost:
Your mistake was a rookie one. You never give up the house.
What you should have done is what scorned women often do in the same situation: while she was at work, emptied the house of all her stuff (including the ugly shit she’d acquired at antique stores etc. and which you hate) and either tossed it on the front lawn or (if you’re a nice guy) had it all stored it in one of those storage places — locked with a stout padlock to which you had the key. Next step: called a locksmith and had all the house’s locks changed.
Then when Cheating Lying Bitch came home and discovered that she’d been locked out, you could confront her with the evidence that she’d been unfaithful, the consequence of which was that you’d assumed ownership of the house. And only then given her the key to the storage space, with instructions to call your attorney for details.
Let her be the one sitting alone in an ugly flat, with cheap furniture and a suitcase of her clothes.
And you’d have to be prepared to sell the house to give her half the proceeds (because she’s been contributing to paying off the note).
Never give up the house; not in argument, nor when you can’t bear the thought of living with the woman anymore. Never give up the house.
Do you want me to repeat that one more time?
What is she wants half the guns, and all of the dog?
I kept the house, the dog, my guns, my tools, and she got 2/3 of the furniture and half of everything financial. I also had to refinance to buy her equity out of the house. She felt so guilty for cheating, she never even hired a lawyer except to look over the settlement agreement that I drafted. (I insisted she have legal representation for my own protection against her trying to nullify the document after the fact.)
I still live in the house today and soon-to-be Wife 2.0 and her daughter moved in last spring.
I told my adulterous soon to be ex-wife that I wasn’t going anywhere and neither were the kids. Twenty years later, I’m still living in MY house. Just like Ravenwood, she felt guilty, so I kept my pension to myself.
I’m sensing a theme here.
My adulterous ex ran off with our mechanic, I changed the locks and filed first. Hire a MALE divorce attorney that specializes in defending husbands in the largest, best firm in town, don’t worry about the cost, you’ll save 100’s for every dollar the attorney costs.
She got basically nothing and currently lives in a trailer park in Fla after leaving husband # 5 and has apparently learned nothing.
And hire the lawyer first, to get his advice and for the delicious pleasure of being able to hand her the divorce court papers along with the key to the storage compartment.