Fixed

Guy Stuff, The Gun Thing

Several people wrote to me — close to a dozen, in fact — all offering help in replacing the broken extractor from my battered but much-loved Inland M1 Carbine, and to all those people, please accept my sincerest thanks.

However, Longtime Reader Hank T. not only offered to replace the busted part, but to show me in person how simple a job it is — ha! — provided that one has the proper little G.I. tool which acts as a third hand.  As he lives less than an hour from my apartment, that meant not having to send parts to different parts of the Lower 48.  So yesterday I went over to his place, handed over said broken carbine, and within a half-hour the whole thing had been stripped, cleaned lubed and oh yes had received a new extractor.  It works!

I’m bending the truth a little here in describing the above as a half-hour job, because while the operation itself only  took about half an hour, I spent close to three hours in his workshop because he has all sorts of wonderful bangsticks in his possession.  And you know what that means, right?  I had to hold, and caress, and work the actions of said guns one by one because I’m a gun molester lover and the easiest way to make me purr is to hand me a beautiful gun with an exhortation to “just try that trigger”.

Drooling, lots of drooling, followed.  But clearly my orgasmic cries had disturbed Hank’s darling wife, who came to the workshop to see what all the fuss was about, and that added an hour onto the whole thing because a) she’s a darling and b) she has traveled to many of the places I have, so much experience-swapping took place.

I love to spend time with my Readers on a one-to-one basis, because while you’ve heard many of my stories and adventures on this back porch, I haven’t heard your stories and adventures, and I drink that stuff like I would a fine single malt.

And when I get a renewed gun out of it, as I did here, it’s all the finer.  I am the world’s worst gunsmith because I’m not mechanically-minded (rather the opposite), and I have no patience with inanimate objects — not your best qualities for a gunsmith, I think we can all agree — so I far prefer to hand my problem over to someone who knows what he’s doing and (as in this case) has the proper tools for the job.

So many thanks, Hank, and yes I absolutely want to spend some time at the range with you.  Let me know when you’re free.

9 comments

  1. It was indeed a pleasure to finally meet Kim. We were yakking the entire time he was here, and only quit because his schedule demanded it. Also most satisfying to get his old war horse up and running again. Onward!

    1. More random thots.

      My ego will be smiling for some time thanks to Kim’s kind words about my gunsmithing. I don’t consider myself to be a true gunsmith only because I am not a machinist. When asked, I am more comfortable referring to myself as a gun wrench.

      As all who come here know, Kim is a wordsmith par excellence. So, the pen and the sword working in tandem. Look upon our works ye might, and tremble. Praise the Lord and pass the Tylenol.

  3. Oh man, seeing that picture makes me sad. I had a civilian version M1 Carbine made by Universal. I tricked it out with a “paratrooper” folding stock and a couple of 30 round magazines clipped together (all very “tacticool”, before the practice jumped the shark). I had tons of fun with that thing but ended up giving it up to pay off a debt. That was 45 years ago and I still miss it.

  5. So glad we had the chance to meet you and Connie and we got to shoot a couple of nice rifles and had a wonderful visit and much more correspondence over the years. I can’t believe it was what, 2007?

    You are an easy man to feel like we know we’ll just from your writings, but I love hearing about you meeting your readers, too. If it were up to me, I’d proclaim you a National Treasure (like they do revered characters in Japan) for many reasons.

    I hope I can have the pleasure of reading you for many more years and if I ever have another conference in TX again, you can bet we’ll be visiting the range to turn some money into noise!

    You Texican readers should make a point to look Kim up for a personal visit. He reminds me of the meme guy, the most interesting man in the world. 🙂

  6. “I had to hold, and caress, and work the actions of said guns one by one because I’m a gun molester lover and the easiest way to make me purr is to hand me a beautiful gun with an exhortation to “just try that trigger”.”

    My brother and I went to a local gun shop a couple of days ago to pick up some .22LR ammo.

    While we were there, my brother saw an air rifle he was interested in. The shop assistant took it down and ran through the features.

    It was a CO2 powered semi-automatic. Hang on! S/A weapons are prohibited; I had my .22s crushed by the police! Nope, OK for the air rifle.

    It had a sound moderator. Hang on! Sound moderators are prohibited; could be jail time for even possessing one! Nope, OK for the air rifle.

    “What are the action and trigger like?” my brother asks, reaching out for a hold.

    “Uh-uh”, says the sales assistant, pulling the rifle away. “New rule from the police just last week; you’re no longer allowed to touch any of the firearms in the store — unless it’s licensed to you.”

    “What? If we want to buy that air rifle, we have to apply for a licence, stating reason and need, wait up to 3 or 4 months for police to approve/disapprove the application. If approved, we can come in then, and only then, legally handle the firearm? Really?”

    “Yep, them’s the rules.”

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