Amateur Drunk Day Warning

Morons & Idiots

Tomorrow is St. Patrick’s Day, wherein all people with Irish blood more diluted than a ripoff bar’s house gin can get together and get shitfaced.

Also, there are the traditional parades in Irish ghettos like Boston, New York and Chicago to contend with.

I’m not “Irish” in any way, shape or form except on occasion that I have been known to enjoy blowing things up.  I hate corned beef and cabbage, Irish stew (just the mention of which makes me want to gag), their soda bread is inedible and I don’t care much for Guinness either.

Don’t even get me started on unpronounceable names like Aisling, Saoirse, Eoin, Eoghan, Líadain, Aoibheann, Aoife, Meadhbh, Caoimhe, and Tadhg.

Mr. Free Market has been known to opine that if ever there’s a 1,000-ft tsunami heading east from the mid-Atlantic Ocean, at least the doomed English will get to live a half-hour longer than the Irish.

Which says it all, really.

And that goes for their poxy holiday as well.

16 comments

  1. Having significant Irish lineage, I think Irish food is dreadful and I cannot stand St. Patrick’s Day.

    One St. Patrick’s Day, ex-Wife (Wife 1.0 at the time) phoned me up as I was arriving home from work to ask me to come out to an Irish restaurant that we had pretty much frequented weekly for several years. She and her friend had already been in line for an hour and she told me that it was only a $10 cover charge. I told her that if a bar that I frequent regularly is going to charge me $10 and make me wait in line, I’m never going there again.

    We both agreed that I should stay home.

    1. brilliant response! I despise lines and cover charges. Two strikes before I walk in the door. Third strike is that the place is probably packed with too many people and far too loud to enjoy conversation, music or sports on the television. that’s strikes three and four.

      JQ

  2. I am Irish
    I don’t celebrate St. Patrick’s day, or any saints day as I am:
    a) Not particularly religious
    and
    b) Not a Roman Catholic
    and
    c) Don’t need a bullshit excuse to celebrate/have a drink
    A lot of Irish food is good and sticks to your ribs, (and waistline), some, not quite so good. Very much like British food generally.
    Irish girls names are fun, after even a very small dose, you start to make them up eg: Eenie, Meenie, Minie and quite possibly Moe

  3. As a nice American boy of one-eighth Irish ancestry (“The best eighth!”, as any True Irishman would declare), my objection to Amateur Drunk Day is, like yours, the ubiquity of corned beef and cabbage at my favorite watering holes. The two “food” items are malodorous enough separately, but when combined their stench synergies into something that really ought to be prohibited by the Geneva Convention. (And I’m not even talking about what they do to you the next day.) To add insult to injury, CB&C isn’t even Irish, it’s kosher. But it’s all poor Irish immigrants could afford on SPD, so it was culturally appropriated. (New York has been screwing things up for a lot longer than we realize.)

    Our one faint glimmer of hope is that since SPD falls on a Friday during Lent, they may replace the false “traditional dish” with something a little more authentic and Catholic-friendly like a proper beer-battered fish and chips. But knowing the Protestants, they’ll probably fuck it all up.*

    * Nothing personal, folks. Mom was Catholic and Dad was Lutheran, so there’s always been a lot of interfaith needling in my repartee.

    1. Yep. The Irish never ate corned beef in Ireland. But then, the whole drinking party of St. Patrick’s Day (The High and Holy Feast Day of St. Patrick) was never done in Ireland either. That’s also an American custom. Proper Irishmen know that you don’t get drunk in the morning; it impedes the afternoon drinking too much.

      I had the honor of carrying the colors during a St. Patrick’s Day in Chicago some years back. I have never seen so many people drunk at 0900 in my life. By the time the parade started at ten I was a little drunk just from the fumes coming off the crowd.

      1. Every holiday imported to America is transformed into a drinking holiday. I think it automatically happens at Ellis Island.

  6. There are several Irish dishes that I like. but we never celebrated the holiday very much. Wearing green was mandatory in the Boston area. My mother’s side of the family avoided the parade in south Boston like the plague. Thank God.

    You’re right, it is amateur night just like New Year’s Eve. The only downside to the Irish is their neighbors.

    JQ

  9. Jaysus Mary and Sint Joseph. I had the misfortune to attend a Catholic high school staffed by the sweepings of the prisons of Dublin. I like mutton stew with tatties and don’t know what the hell Ireland has to do with it. Guinness with champagne was apparently Bismarck’s favourite tipple, which explains a lot. In Ireland’s favour, they have a Horse Show and their hunters are said to be among the best.

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