Reader Quentin sent me this little piece of hilarious goblin takedown:
A teenager helped save his younger sister from an alleged kidnapper by shooting the suspect with his slingshot, Michigan authorities said.
The 8-year-old girl was mushroom-hunting in her backyard in Alpena Township on Wednesday when “an unknown male appeared from the woods,” the Michigan State Police said in a press release on Friday.
“The suspect had come through the woods onto the property and came from behind her, grabbed her like you’d see in the movies — hand over the mouth, arm around the waist — and was attempting to pull her into the woods,” Lt. John Grimshaw with the Michigan State Police told ABC Traverse City affiliate WGTU.
The girl was able to break free, police said. Her 13-year-old brother also witnessed the attack and shot the assailant in the head and chest with his slingshot, police said.
And then:
The suspect fled the area but was located by state troopers hiding at a nearby gas station and was able to be identified in part due to injuries from the slingshot, police said.
“The suspect had obvious signs of injury sustained from the slingshot with wounds to his head and chest,” police said.
Now, can I ask you all to rise…
Well done, youngster. Bravissimo.
(Too bad he didn’t have a .22 rifle, but in this case, I’ll definitely take two ball bearings to the body for $400, Alex.)
I can just hear the other prisoners now: “Dude! You got whacked by a kid with a slingshot? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!”
Illegal to own one here of course. (Keyword: Western Australia)
LOL
Have they banned screwdrivers and kitchen knives too?
Only if you are carrying or transporting one “without a valid reason” (as determined by the police officer). I was threatened with being charged for having a screwdriver holding open a broken air vent on the dash of my car.
“The suspect is being charged as an adult but his name has not been released by police.”
========
The US justice system is seriously and probably permanently, fucked up. The criminals picture should be publicly posted everywhere so people can keep an eye on him in the future. You know dam well he’ll be walking the streets asap, to commit more crimes. What he desperately needs is a good old fashioned “Dad Stomp” to where he walks with a limp for a couple months.
a couple of months? make that limp with pain permanent. He’ll have a daily reminder for the rest of his life and anyone who sees him years from now will also get reminded to not try to abduct others.
Post his picture far and wide.
JQ
The Juvenile Court System was created about 100 years ago because it was considered bad to put teen delinquents in jail with hardened criminals.
I think the mistake was not having the juvenile system oriented towards the crimes, not the age of the thug. Stealing hubcaps or maliciously soaping windows on Halloween? Juvie court.
Trying to snatch eight year olds or shooting people or robbing liquor stores, or stealing cars from the drivers? That isn’t the kind of juvie court behavior the system was created, designed, envisioned to handle.
I don’t care if the perp is 11 years old. You do an adult crime, you go to adult court and to adult jail.
Excellent application of the slingshot though. 😀
“I can just hear the other prisoners now: “Dude! You got whacked by a kid with a slingshot? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!….BEND OVER”
That thought should warm the hearts of law abiding people everywhere.
This man is going to have to spend his whole sentence in solitary: criminals generally do not like those who target children and he will be in deadly danger.
I’m okay with that.
All the more reason the attempted kidnapper should be in GenPop with the other criminals. justice may get served when the guards are on coffee break.
JQ
Reporters??
I don’t understand. Why were the state troopers hiding at a nearby gas station?
LOL
Depleted uranium would have served him well…hollow points, of course.
I remember in the late 1960’s when Wrist Rocket slingshots first became popular there was a cop show that featured them as a murder weapon, and some states actually wrote legislation against them.