A Rental By Any Other Name

…smells foul.  Try this bastardy on for size:

The growing “features on demand” (FoD) trend in the auto industry is upsetting American car owners, who are growing increasingly displeased with having to pay for extra car features via subscription. 69 percent of respondents to a recent survey indicated that they would probably switch car brands if they were forced to pay monthly fees for features like heated seats.

As far as I’m concerned, they can take their “FoD” and “FOAD” (fuck off and die).

Of course, cars aren’t expensive enough, so the manufacturers have to find other ways to suck blood cash from their customers.

And they can’t be stopped:

Subscription fees have been incorporated into automakers’ financial models and projected future earnings. Wall Street analysts and investors believe these extra funds will increase future profits and stock prices.

So basically, we’re fucked, then.

Unless, of course, we don’t buy any of their cars or if we do, we shun those oh-so necessary doodads like heated seats, GPS and “climate control” (what we used to call heating and a/c).  Ditto “smart” key fobs and all the other useless and expensive shit that for some reason, we can’t seem to do without nowadays.

“Oh, you want a steering wheel with our new car?  That’ll be $75/month, because you don’t just get a wheel, you also get a built-in gear shift, controls for your FM-only radio, and a telephone (another $25/month for unlimited calls anywhere within your own zip code).  What’s that?  You just want a plain wheel, no extras?  How quaint.  Well, we don’t offer those anymore, on the advice of our accountants.  Now let’s talk about the monthly cost of ABS…”

Mother fuckers.  Motherfucking fuckers.

 

In fact:

Secret Advanced Technology?

I got triggered by this (link):

A couple months back I needed a cooler trunk for a road trip — not a soft-sided freezer bag, but the kind of thing one takes on camping, hunting or fishing trips.  I haven’t had to buy one of these things in yonks, so I was completely out of touch with the whole thing, but I thought I’d just get a Coleman because I sort of know the brand and I’ve had good experiences with it in the past.  Also, I needed something in the 50-60-quart size.

So off I went to Academy because they’re located next door to my next stop, the Kroger which in turn is next door to my sooper-seekrit mailbox place.  (Efficient, that’s me.)

No Coleman.  Okay, no sweat;  here’s Igloo:


…not bad, but a little pricey, and I want a trunk, not a box.

Here’s Magellan, which is Academy’s sorta-house brand, made (as they all are) in China:


…wait, WTF?  $200 for a smaller cooler?  Any more Igloos?


FFS, two hundred and fifty dollars for a fucking cooler with wheels?  Does it come with independent suspension and power steering?

But it got worse, oh yes it did.  Try this proud Yeti number:

…ummmmm

Okay, I said I’m out of touch with this category, but has there been some massive gain in static refrigeration technology that I haven’t heard about?  “Roadie”?  Does it come with someone to drag the thing around?

Had I wandered into REI, Whole Foods or a Ferrari dealership by mistake?

What premium-priced hell is this, where people pay this kind of money for what is, after all, a throwaway product that lasts a couple of years before the seals rot and you have to get another one?

Somebody ‘splain this to me, please.  I’m clearly just ignorant.


By the way:  I ended up getting two styrofoam coolers from 7-Eleven for $15 apiece, just put up with the styro-squeaking for the trip, then tossed them when I got home.  Job done.

This, I Love

It’s not often I chortle just be reading a headline, but this one got me, oh yes it did:

And here’s the story:

Highway chiefs are hunting a phantom pothole filler after an enraged motorist poured concrete into a huge crater that closed the road for months. The work was carried out in Lostwithiel, Cornwall, as the mystery volunteer decided to patch up the road which has been shut since April.

But Cornwall Highways said the work was done ‘without consent’.

Colin Martin, Cornwall councillor for Lostwithiel and Lanreath, said: ‘The latest is that the road has been closed again and will remain closed until it is ‘properly’ repaired by Cormac, but they say this could be weeks away as all available teams have been diverted to filling smaller potholes on roads which are still open.

Here’s the pic of the vengeful road re-closing:

I’m just waiting for the metal screens to “disappear”… not that I would want anything like that to happen, of course.

I love it when officialdom gets a busted nose for their inefficiency.  And I love it more when they get upset about it.

Here’s the background to all this:

So now you know.

Dept. Of Righteous Slinging

Reader Quentin sent me this little piece of hilarious goblin takedown:

A teenager helped save his younger sister from an alleged kidnapper by shooting the suspect with his slingshot, Michigan authorities said.

The 8-year-old girl was mushroom-hunting in her backyard in Alpena Township on Wednesday when “an unknown male appeared from the woods,” the Michigan State Police said in a press release on Friday.

“The suspect had come through the woods onto the property and came from behind her, grabbed her like you’d see in the movies — hand over the mouth, arm around the waist — and was attempting to pull her into the woods,” Lt. John Grimshaw with the Michigan State Police told ABC Traverse City affiliate WGTU.

The girl was able to break free, police said. Her 13-year-old brother also witnessed the attack and shot the assailant in the head and chest with his slingshot, police said.

And then:

The suspect fled the area but was located by state troopers hiding at a nearby gas station and was able to be identified in part due to injuries from the slingshot, police said.

“The suspect had obvious signs of injury sustained from the slingshot with wounds to his head and chest,” police said.

Now, can I ask you all to rise…

Well done, youngster.  Bravissimo.

(Too bad he didn’t have a .22 rifle, but in this case, I’ll definitely take two ball bearings to the body for $400, Alex.)

I can just hear the other prisoners now:  “Dude!  You got whacked by a kid with a slingshot?  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!”

Monday Funnies

And on we go, trying to make the whole business more palatable.

And:

And possibly my favorite pic of the week:

No, wait… this one’s my favorite (for obvious reasons):

Now off to work you go.  Because those choppers aren’t going to fuel themselves.