…or not really, as The Greatest Living Englishman explains:
DEFENCE chiefs announced this week that British soldiers could soon be given electric bicycles so they can sneak up more quietly (and cheaply) than if they were in a tank.
Yes. But have you ever tried to ride a bicycle in soft sand? Or in a bog? It’s impossible.
So if stealth (and savings) are the main consideration, I have a better idea. Why not give them horses? They are extremely good off-road and won’t short out if asked to cross a river. Plus, most cost much less than a £6,500 e-bike and if properly trained, can move around very quietly indeed. Also, you don’t need to charge up their batteries every half an hour.
And then we could go further and, instead of guns, which are noisy and also expensive, issue our troops with swords.
It’d be the most eco-friendly and modern army in the world.
And it’d lose every single battle it took part in. But in these green and cost-conscious times, it seems that sort of thing doesn’t matter.
FFS, don’t anyone tell the Pentagon about this.
Well I dunno. I’ve seen pics of the Wehrmacht blietzkrieging their way like crazy on bicycles through France in 1940. It was the predecessor of the Tour de France. Google “image wehrmacht bicycles.”
Horses didn’t work out too well for Poland in 1939. The major problem with the bicycle is that if you do not want not to be seen on it, it has to be made largely of carbon fiber, and we don’t like carbon. There’s also a lot of synthetic rubber which comes from (oh noes) fossil fuel, not to mention the poly*carbon*ate cyclist’s helmet. Back to the drawing board.
> The major problem with the bicycle is that if you do not want not to be seen on
> it, it has to be made largely of carbon fiber,
IDK how Crabon Fiber makes the bicycle less seen…unless you’re thinking of radar. In which case there’s so much metal on the modern soldier that even if you could get radar to function that low.
And, less seriously, there’s always Bamboo: https://bamboocycles.com/
As I recall, mounted units performed pretty well for the Soviets two years later.
Never mind horses; have you experienced how quietly elephants can move? Granted they’re not exactly easy to conceal if you’re not in a jungle…
Thank You, Hannibal; if only someone had told the Romans beforehand.
These watermelons should be ignored and tossed out of any position of responsibility. They come up with one absurd idea after another.
JQ
I like “E-Bikes”. I think that they’re a great option for many city dwellers–cities like Chicago, New York etc., not Dallas or LA.
However, this idea is, in the words of my father, “Dumber than drinking your own bath water”.
Also:
> Plus, most cost much less than a £6,500 e-bike and if properly trained,
Decent E-Bikes are going for a LOT less.
Horses are the green solution.
Their exhaust is green and is eventually biodegradable.
I still don’t want to be behind them in a parade.
And renewable.
I’m on board with the horses, and the swords would be good back ups.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIWINsaEpnw
Horses didn’t work for Poland in 1939 (against armor) but The last US Cav charge , in the Philippines in 1942, was a success.
https://www.defensemedianetwork.com/stories/charge-philippine-scouts-last-horse-cavalry-charge-u-s-army/
What’s wrong with all this?
To quote the late Rush Limbaugh, “The purpose of war is to kill people and break things.” The purpose of an army is to accomplish war. What difference does it make if you’re seen on fuel guzzling trucks and tanks or non-polluting bicycles? Which will help your army beat their army? Somehow, I don’t think the Chinese are going to invade Taiwan on eco-electric bikes.