Last night I suddenly developed the most excruciating pain in my lower abdomen. Came out of nowhere: one minute I’m searching for pics of Carol Vorderman’s extensive superstructure, the next I’m doubled up on the couch and moaning like a Democrat forced to sing the National Anthem.
So did I go to the ER? Silly rabbits, I’m a MAN — of course I didn’t wimp out and seek medical attention.
Now before anyone starts yelling at me — especially those Readers of the Female Persuasion — lemme ask y’all this:
What if it had just been gas, somehow bottled up and unable to be released? You’d feel like a proper Charlie if the ER doc were to look at your CAT scan, shake his head sorrowfully and say, “Take two Gas-X and call me in the morning”, with the unspoken corollary: “What a total pussy.” That was not going to happen. So I waited overnight.
However, by this morning the symptoms had not abated — got worse, actually — so I girded up my loins and went off to the local Doc-In-The-Box to get a CAT scan. But the nearest one had closed down for good. So I went to another one close to the apartment, and they were open but — their CAT scan machine was broken.
By this time, the combination of frustration plus pain in my gut — I was driving bent over like a Florida geezer — made me say “Fukkit!” and so I ended up at GlobalMegaHealthCorp LLC, at the other end of Plano, FFS. I went in promptly at 9.15am, was seen promptly at 11.15am, had the CAT scan promptly at 2.30pm, and was on my way to CVS promptly at 4.05pm.
Which is why I always try to go the the little ER clinics for visits of this nature: in, scanned, diagnosed, prescribed and out in generally less than 90 minutes. If they’re a little busy.
Anyway, I suppose you want to know why I’m still doubled over in pain, waiting for the Blessed Medications to kick in?
Diverticulitis (non-complicated), treated with Cipro and some other antibiotic. According to Doc Russia (who diagnosed me correctly over the phone while I was waiting in the ER room), I should feel better by tomorrow.
Let’s hope. In the meantime, I’m debating whether to pop a Tylenol-3 (the one with codeine) to help me get through the night.
Of course, I’m also counting my blessings. This pain could have pointed to something really foul like a hiatal hernia, appendicitis (even though I’m too old for that shit) or the Evil Cousin of diverticulitis, a perforated bowel (which can seriously fuck up your weekend picnic plans). Not to mention all the other shit down there that can creep up on Olde Pharttes and kill us like a smackeroo-blurdy. That part of the body is like a WWII German minefield, with stuff just waiting to kill you. But it wasn’t any of that.
Oh, and one small piece of other news: my weight has gone down from 265 to 240, in just under two months. My goal: Army weight (205-210), or maybe even less if I can stick with it. Here’s me, in approved SADF browns, circa 1977:
So there’s that, which is good.
Welcome to the club, I discovered I had Diverticulitis in 1992 when I woke up with terrible lower gut pain and ended up in an ER in Dallas at three in the morning. I might have tried to tough it out however my fairly new 2nd wife was a widow and she was not ready to have a 2nd husband croak on her. Her first husband had a heart attack while he was watching Monday Night football and he was in his mid 40’s.
I have learned how to eat better and things have changed about the diet recommendations I still cannot eat popcorn or raw carrots and stuff like that but I can eat nuts if I chew them completely, your mileage may vary but pay attention to your docs and this stuff is not likely to kill you as you learn how to feed yourself the stuff your gut likes. Take the cipro as directed but too much of that can destroy the good gut stuff so you might want to consider good yogurt and some other lower gut good stuff after a bout of antibiotics. I am 31 years out from my experience in the ER and seldom have any lower gut problems.
Good luck to you and you are bound to be feeling better with less of yourself to move around the more you can get down the better you will feel as you age on out. Lose 50 pounds and then put a 50 pound pack on you back and see how fast you can move, congratulations on your weight reduction.
Cipro is some powerful stuff .. if an anthrax patient can’t tolerate doxy, they generally get Cipro. Good luck w/ that shit.
Been there, done that five times over thirty years.
Do load up on probiotics for a while after the Cipro kills all your gut bacteria until you get regular again.
Watch what you eat. It turned out my downfall was seeded rye bread. Those little pointy seeds got stuck in the diverticula pockets and irritated them until inflamed-> staggering gut pain, focused lower left quadrant. The diverticula can perforate, so diverticulitis is nothing to fool around with. When and if you feel that pain coming on, hie thee to a medic, quickly.
The pockets are permanent – you live with them, but if they don’t get inflamed, all is well.
Congratulations on your weight loss – keep it up! (284 to current 221 myself)
Both my boss and coworker had it. Reached the point where they had to remove portion of large bowel. 6 months before everything got put back. Had a bag etc. Not pretty.
One more thing, when I get the Diverticulitis which means the gut is infected my temperature goes up a few degrees and I know something is really cooking down there and know we are flamed up once more and I start the antibiotic. My doctor gives me a prescription to keep on hand just in case so I kind of self prescribe then follow up with a doc visit. I know I don’t want to overuse the Cipro but it is good to have it on hand. I also go easy on pain medications because those can screw up a liver with overuse. There you go, we, your loyal followers will be glad to give you all sorts of information and who knows ? Some of it might be useful..
> my weight has gone down from 265 to 240
Good for you.
Next thing you’re going to tell us you’re going to the gym and jacking steel.
A co-worker has Diverticulitis and some related stuff.
“Next thing you’re going to tell us you’re going to the gym and jacking steel. “
Let’s not get carried away, here.
“my weight has gone down from 265 to 240”
Outstanding.
You have no idea how good and energetic and strong you will feel if you get to your youthful weight. I hope you get there, good luck, best wishes.
The MIL has diverticulitis and has had for many a year. A UK brand called Fybogel (literally solvable fibre you mix with water for form a semi-jelly liquid) keeps her regular – half a sachet a day. You’ll want to keep things, and yourself, moving down there so nothing gets caught up in the diverticula’s pouches.
If you had a hiatus hernia, the pain would be around your diaphragm – hiatus’ can slide up and down through the herniated area, and also push stomach acid through the valve there (ask me how I know this 🙄) causing reflux.
Nope, it’s ye olde classic diverticulosis for you matey. And stay off the codeine if you can – makes things, erm, sluggish in that area shall we say.
Either that or the spinach-vegan-lbqtwtf-lefit-no meat no booze no vitriol diet. In which case, not worth living!
Congratulations on the weight loss. Sorry to hear about the diverticulitis.
Glad to hear that you’re doing better. The upside to having to wait for so long in the ED is that you’re not deemed critical by the ED staff.
Did they say what you can do to avoid this problem in the future?
JQ
It’s Hell getting old, innit!
I had a bad bout of it back in 2018. Never knew I was sick, never had gut pain, just felt under the weather for a few days before the wife finally took my temperature and determined that I was at 102 and acting mostly normal. Ended up going to the doc in a box, no help. Fever continued. Ended up in the ER one morning after I couldn’t sleep, and couldn’t even keep down water. My diverticulitis was on the verge of sepsis, and had inflamed infections riddling my colon. One surgery later, I was devoid of colon.
The kind doc who took me apart (ask about my zipper scar some time), said that the infection and diverticulitis had been bad enough that they were removing chunks as it was falling apart as they removed it. No simple snip and suture for me, no sir!
Now five years and a few months removed, I thankfully can joke about it, but the truth is if I had been a bit more stubborn and refused to go to the ER as was my want, I would have been septic and may not have survived.