Yesterday was time for my annual checkup, so after enduring the no-coffee / no-food “fast” for reasons of bloodwork, I settled in to have my chat with Dr. ShitForBrains.
Perhaps a little background is necessary. I have had three primary doctors since the Great Wetback Episode of 1986 — or perhaps I should say that I’ve outlived two doctors, and am on my third. (The first, in Chicago, died of leukemia; the second, in Plano, died of a heart attack.) Doctor #2 was nicknamed “Shit-for-brains” by the family because he was, to put it mildly, the world’s worst diagnostician. No matter how much information we gave him, he’d get it wrong. Lovely man, piss-poor doctor. We were just about to get another doctor when he snuffed it, and we inherited Doctor #3 in the same practice, who is definitely not ShitForBrains, but the nickname (rather unfairly) has become generic, to distinguish him from the other doctors we’ve since acquired (dermos, heart specs, etc.). We have an excellent relationship, truly fine, and he gets my sense of humor (as you will see).
Back to yesterday’s visit. Here’s more or less how it went.
SFB: All your vitals are good: weight has dropped (by 40lbs!), BP is excellent, circulation fine, respiration excellent, thyroid fine. When the bloodwork comes back, we’ll check the cholesterol and so on, but I don’t see any issues. Had any problems since last time?
Kim: I’ve just started having plantar fasciitus attacks in my right foot.. Came out of nowhere, very owie two days back, a little better today.
SFB: [winces] Ouch! Sorry to hear that. I’ll give you a printout that’ll help, for exercises.
Kim: Exercises? I’m in pain, here. Can’t you give me a quick pop of Lidocaine or something?
SFB: Hahaha no.
Kim: It’s a good thing I left my gun in the car, or else we’d be having a different conversation about Lidocaine.
SFB: Kim, you know my policy about gun fights in my office.
Kim: Wouldn’t be much of one; you’re not carrying.
SFB: No, but Christie is. [nods towards his assistant, who gives me That Look]
You’d think I’d have remembered that, because ’twas I who taught her how to shoot and helped her buy her first gun, about eight years back (S&W Lady Smith in .38 Spec+P — she’s since acquired a Kimber Ultra Carry in .45 ACP because she’s a big girl and can handle it).
Anyway, by then the pain had subsided somewhat, so after having had blood taken, I was on my merry way.
Good health: I haz it. (Apart from typical Olde Phartte issues and a sore foot.)
Not bad for… fucking hell, 69 on Sunday.
Time for another gin.
Congratulations on the weight loss. As for the plantar fasciitis, I’ve had that so sympathise utterly. If you want me to email you how I fixed it then let me know. Suffice it to say that the exercises are not strenuous.
At the risk of being thought a Ron! supporter-the low tech cure is cowboy boots and if that doesn’t work lifts.
Heh.. reminds me of the meme:
Doctor: Do you have any guns in your home?
Me: I have a gun in your office.
Hmm… sounds familiar.. maybe they all go to the same Seminars.
Here’s how my last 3 minute visit to a Doctor went.
Me: I seem to have lost my hearing suddenly in my left ear.
Doctors offIce: We will schedule some test in our Brand New State-of-Art Testing Center…..and then a followup…. Monday OK?
2 weeks later at the follow up appt.
Doc: Yes – you are down 60 percent in your left ear. It’s called Sudden Hearing Loss Syndrome. We’ve been seeing a lot of this since COVID.
Me: I’m pretty sure it was 100 percent when I called 3 weeks ago. What caused it and can you fix it. ??
Doc: We don’t know.
Me: But this is Boston Eye & Ear. Supposedly one of the Best in the Country if not the world for this sort of thing.
Doc: Yep – That’s right – That’s why I can say with great authority ” We have no clue”. Here, I’ll write you a Script for some powerful Steroids. You won’t sleep well and you digestion will go to shit for 3 weeks but it might improve your hearing. We will schedule more testing in the Shiny New Test Center and talk next Month.
Me: Thanks Doc……. I think.
19 Nov?
So, you’re exactly 73 days older than me.
31 Jan 1955
Happy (approaching) Birthday!
A fictitious 12pack of your choice is headed your way!
I had plantar fasciatis in both feet twice. I was in excruciating pain. An aquaintance I spoke to told me to get orthotics for my shoes and it would go away in a week or two. I didn’t believe him but I did go to a specialty running store and bought the pricey ones for $40 (not the Dr. Scholls crap). To my surprise it worked in about 2 weeks.
Me too, only I’m in Canada where my taxes for “free” health care did not cover the costs of the custom orthotics. Those, per Justin Trustdough, are optional, so I got to pay $250 for mine.
Never mind my complaining, the orthotics probably saved my life. I was able to go back to walking a lot and lost 60 pounds over 4 or 5 years. For that, $250.00 is a bargain
Same with the plantar shit. Came out of nowhere, then after several months of excruciating pain, simply went away on its own. In any event, my Doc just recommended some stretching exercises in the morning whenever I felt pain, otherwise just go about your day. I did buy some pseudo-bondage gear setup meant to stretch your foot out while you sleep and prevent it. Damn thing was so uncomfortable I couldn’t sleep, so that lasted one night.
This was my doctor experience, too. Exercise sheet and boot.
The boot did make it stop hurting but was annoying at first.
Eventually the pain went away and hasn’t come back so far.
Keeping your feet flat on the floor when sitting in front of a computer all day is my home remedy.
> Kim: I’ve just started having plantar fasciitus attacks in my right foot.. Came out of nowhere,
> very owie two days back, a little better today.
I get (maybe used to get) this routinely. It’d stick around for a few months then fade away.
> Kim: Exercises? I’m in pain, here. Can’t you give me a quick pop of Lidocaine or something?
What worked for me was:
* Stretching the calf muscles. Three different stretches on each side, 1 minute hold each.
* Get a lacross ball or a golf ball and use that to massage the fascia.
This isn’t a LOT of exercise. Heck, I don’t really consider that to be exercise at all.
Sometimes they recommend doing calf raises to strengthen them, but I’m already pretty far down that road.
You’re a bit older than I thought, I just turned 75 on the 12th. These birthdays seem to be rolling around faster these days.
69?!!? I hate to tell you but that’s been revised to 96 because the cost of eating out has gone up so much.
Glad to hear that Saw Bones gave you a clear bill of health. Congratulations on the weight loss.
The cardiologist last summer wanted to put me on a statin. I told him no in very clear terms. When I saw my PCP this Autumn she read the note and said she wouldn’t even raise the issue with me.
For Plantar Fascitis, i found that walking actually helped a lot. I was struck by it several years ago and it hasn’t flared up.
JQ