“Dear Dr. Kim,
“About six months ago, a new family moved in next door. They are a little younger than us and don’t have kids. The wife works away a lot, while her husband works from home and has been doing up the house.
“From the moment they met, he and my wife seemed to take a shine to each other. It didn’t bother me at first that he made her laugh, or that she was always popping over to take food. But lately, I’ve noticed strong sexual tension between them. He often makes crude jokes, or uses innuendo.
“Normally, my wife would find this rude or inappropriate. She doesn’t – she just laughs even louder. They do this in front of me, so they’re not hiding it.
“I think they’ve been texting each other too, although I haven’t been able to confirm this as my wife keeps her phone close at all times, and I don’t know her password.
“It feels like they’re intimate, or certainly about to become so.
“I’m not sure what to do. I don’t want to confront my wife and upset her if I’m wrong.”
— Unsure, Suburbia
Dear Unsure,
My old Dad always said to listen to your gut: if it says it’s hungry, get something to eat; if it says it needs to pee, go to the toilet; if it says not to walk through Central Park at midnight, stay in your hotel room; and if it says your wife is bonking your new neighbor, she probably is. And in this case, your gut is absolutely correct — and all the evidence you’ve presented proves it.
- he makes her laugh (always an aphrodisiac for women)
- he’s younger than she is (makes her feel attractive)
- she was always popping over to take food (dead giveaway right there)
- she doesn’t find his crude jokes and innuendo inappropriate (behavior change)
- she keeps her phone close at all times (of course she does, because sexting)
She’s fucking him — or very close to doing so. The real question is: what are you going to do next?
I’d suggest having a quiet word with Neighbor Boy’s wife, telling her everything you’ve just told me; let him do the ‘splaining. And when he confesses, which he might very well do, have her confront your wife.
In the meantime, let your phone’s battery run down to zero, and then ask your wife if you can use her phone to make an important call, in the next room. If she refuses, there’s your proof right there.
Oh, and talk to a lawyer soon, so you don’t lose the house and/or kids when the SHTF.
Good luck.
—
By the way: Deirdre has it precisely wrong.
Surprised Deirdre didn’t tell the guy to stop being a cuckold and ask them if he can join in the fun.
I like Dr. Kim’s approach.
Agree with Dr Kim. Talk to Neighbors wife and use her Lawyer. You are both done. There is no fixing this. Suggest that she Hire a Female Devorce Lawyer, they are ALWAYS the most aggressive and nastiest when representing the woman cheated on. You are about to go to war and you need a General Swartzcoff on your side. and scorched earth as the result.
Close joint bank accounts, leaving soon to be ex with exactly half. Kill any credit cards both of you are on.
Talk to a lawyer first, preferably a female lawyer who does not take prisoners. Talk to the other man’s wife. Then let your relatives, kids, and inlaws know what is happening first.
Video all interactions with soon to be your ex-wife, she may play the spousal abuse card.
She has already killed the deal.
Move out, don’t say a word to her ever again, take all your stuff, never go back for any reason at all, hire an attorney, file for divorce.
After telling the guy’s wife, would it be wrong to suggest that you having sex with her is totally the only way to get back at them? Asking for a friend.