In this case, the dead horse would be me — or rather, my plans to fly on that fucking Oz airline to their poxy country. But that’s not what this latest breathless missive is about, oh no:
Hi Kim,
This month, I have some exciting news to share about the investments we’re making to improve your experience with us.
Firstly, our new A220s took to the skies last week. Featuring sleek new comfortable interiors, they offer a more sustainable way to fly across Australia and beyond. We’ve also improved the Qantas App so you can now track your checked baggage on any Qantas operated flight.
This is just the start of the investments and improvements we’re making, and I look forward to keeping you updated.
“Digital Officer”, hey? Then you’ll have no problem interpreting this digital signal, then:
I’m so glad that Qantarse is getting all those shiny new planes which make flying more “sustainable” (do they even realize how full of shit they sound?), as opposed to simply “more economical”.
It’s just too bad that I’m never going to sit in one.
Back when I was in the customer loyalty business, I remember setting targets as to how often we would try to entice a customer to shop with us — as I recall, after four or five fruitless attempts, we’d give it up as a lost cause.
I’m curious to see how long it will take OzAir to come to that conclusion with me.
Qantas was grotesquely mismanaged, until quite recently, by a short Irish poofter named Alan Joyce, who was one of the most universally reviled, hated and loathed figures in the Australain business community, and really, in all of Australia. “Poisonous little faggot toad” doesn’t begin to describe how much much he was despised. Everybody hated the little cunt.
He took a great and long-standing and very efficient and much-loved business, and totally fucked it.
I suppose what I’m getting at is that all your bad experiences at Qantas, shared by many, can all be laid at the feet of that itsy-bits Irish manlet motherfucker.
When he’s dead, there’ll be queue across the country to shit on his grave, and I’ll be in it.
I see a business opportunity there: charge admission.
“as I recall, after four or five fruitless attempts, we’d give it up as a lost cause.”
Wow, I’d love if all companies did that! I get several dozen emails a DAY, every day, to my dummy account that I use for ordering stuff. I go in every several weeks and mass delete hundreds of emails at a time. Places that I haven’t ordered from in years still send emails. I guess because it’s largely free versus postage to mail something. I’ve noticed that the snail mail catalogs have largely dried up.
A cursory trip to the occasionally-reliable Wikipedia confirms that the range of the A220 is roughly 4000 miles depending on the variant models. (That’s real miles, not the wimpy Napoleonic-era EuroMiles.) A trip from LAX to Sydney is about 8000 miles. If I recall the “Cheeky RAF Banter Sketch” from Monty Python correctly, you’ll go straight into the How’s Your Father just after the equator. Surely, not even Qantas could have customer service THAT bad.
I wouldn’t put it past them. If there was a tax benefit, they’d probably consider it.
A220s …offer a more sustainable way to fly across Australia.
So, are they battery powered or do they run on kangaroo shit?