“Dear Dr. Kim,
“I have a son aged 38. He has a partner and three children. My husband and I feel as though we’ve been cut off because we haven’t seen any of them since Christmas 2019. One of his sons was born in 2021, so we haven’t even met him.
“There hasn’t been a falling out – it seems that we have just drifted into this situation. The main problem is his partner. She used to claim that we never made the effort to see them, even though we were always the ones who messaged and made plans.
“In fact they never once came to us. It always felt like we did all the running – but this wasn’t good enough for her. The longer the situation has gone on, the harder it is to see a way out.
“Our daughter and my elderly father have also heard nothing from our son. He has cut himself off from the whole family. But I know that as soon as someone dies he will want his share of any inheritance.
“Dr. Kim, I’m at a loss as to what to do.”
Dear Loose:
It sounds very much like you’ve come across the dreaded “Poontang Over Parents” situation. In these situations, it’s often a terrible thing when your son chooses the former option, but as much as I make light of the problem, it’s not at all a nice thing.
The part of your letter that bothers me is this: “I know that as soon as someone dies he will want his share of any inheritance.”
Right now, you’re being stiffed from the love and joy one should expect from grandchildren — fucking hell, it’s the only upside of having your own kids in the first place — and there’s only one way to head off this little bit of avaricious spite.
Actions have consequences, and your asshole of a son (and the bitch he’s hooked up with) will need to learn this lesson ASAP.
You and your husband should prepare a joint Last Will & Testament now (I’ll explain the “now” in a moment). In it, make sure to specify that Loving Son will get nothing, nada, bupkes from your estate, ever, and your daughter and her family (whom you love and who loves you back) will get it all. Be sure to explain why, in as scathing or hurt tones as you can manage (your lawyer will doubtless be able to offer good advice thereon).
Then send him a copy (with receipt signature required, to prove that he actually got it). Don’t put a cover letter with the will; just let the thing stand all by itself.
Yes, this may exacerbate the situation, but let’s be honest here: how much worse can it get?
And why should you do this now? Simply put, if you do it later, the little shit may contest the will, claiming that you and your husband were “mentally impaired by advanced age” or whatever the legal term is, so it’s in your best interests to make that a non-issue.
I am truly sorry that you are being put through this, but right now there’s not much else you can do. Pleading with him to change his behavior will just give the Bitch Girlfriend satisfaction.
By the way, I’m accepting your assertion that their behavior is indeed unwarranted. If it turns out that you or your husband said or did something unpleasant to the girlfriend, then you are the ones seeing the consequences of your actions.
— 
An additional step would be to register your will with your local equivalent of the (UK) Office of the Public Guardian. This makes contesting the will even harder and protects you from people changing it against your wishes when you become elderly.
Something else to consider: leave money directly to the grandchildren, in trust of your daughter, for when they become adults, so the inheritance goes directly to them.
We’ve dealt with the “poontang over parents” thing with our oldest. My wife just couldn’t understand why. I kept trying to explain but she just refused to understand why he’d pick his wife over his mom. Finally, I said it’s cause he’s fucking her, not you. She didn’t like that answer at all. At one point something kinda shitty happened and my basic remark was “that pussy cannot be that good”. My wife had a shit-fit over that remark, claiming it was sexist, mysongenstivest (I can’t spell), and basically hurtful to every female everywhere. Then something else happened more related to her and she spat out that same remark in a spit-flying scream. Guess it’s ok when it’s personal.
Anyway, we’ve kinda moved past that a little, but those few years left a lot of scars.
As for the will, I’m of a mind to reverse mortgage the house and spend every last penny myself on booze and broads (assuming the wife lets me). I want to die dead broke and drunk on my last bottle of whiskey, then let the county bury me. That’s if I’m not found dead, surrounded by hot brass and the decaying bodies of antifa/BLM bastards all over my lawn. Also still drunk.
My first wife tried to isolate me from my family and I’ve seen lots of other women do this, too. I eventually would just travel home to visit my parents without her. That drove her entitled little butt insane.
We went thru that a bit too, in the early parts of our marriage. I soon learned to fucking hate the holidays. With a passion. I’d sooner sit in a bar or on a fishing pier than go to a Christmas dinner again. Every single year, 2 or 3 full days at her parents house, 1 maybe 2 hours at my parents. With her stewing the entire time. My parents never directly said anything to us, but I know it had to hurt.
My parents probably think my late wife pulled me away from them. They conveniently forget that they were and are narcissistic a**es who I just didn’t like to be around. Since Milady died, they just reinforced this: my mother told me a few months ago they had never liked my wife (which means that they lied to us the whole time). I am trying to honor my parents, but they make it awfully hard.