Dalrymple talks about how everyone’s all concerned about self-esteem, but completely lacking in self-respect.
Not only do people fail to make the most of themselves, they seem determined to make the worst of themselves, as if they were setting a challenge to others not to remark on them or pass a judgment about the way they look.
Actually, it’s worse than that. People are so caught up in their self-esteem that they think it’s more important than self-respect — in other words, that how they feel about themselves is more important than how others feel about them, and missing the point that both are important.
T.D. talks about clothing:
In England, fat young women (of whom there are lamentably many) squeeze themselves into unbecomingly tight costumes, like toothpaste into a tube. It is as if they were intimidating you into not noticing how hideous they look.
Well, yes; it’s the classic mark of the narcissist. And that attitude is just as prevalent in these here United States.
Look, I understand all that: goths, hippies, biker gangs, Mods ‘n Rockers (yeah, I’m dating myself badly here) and all the so-called fashion trends that bedevil every generation.
All of them, however, have one thing in common: they denote that the wearers are societal misfits.
Since I passed the age of adolescence, where such nonsense was important, I’ve always had one or the other of these self-imposed restraints on myself whenever I leave the house: would my Mom / wife / grandfather be ashamed to be seen in public with me, dressed as I am?
If the answer is even marginally “yes”, I change my outfit.
And quite frankly, if there’s anyone who doesn’t give a rat’s ass what anyone thinks of me, that would be me. But I care, deeply, about what my close family and -friends think of me, and that reflects itself in many aspects of not only my dress but also in my behavior.
Alone with my male buddies, I’m a total lout. In polite company, I’m a different person altogether.
It is the habit of a lifetime, drilled into me by parents, boarding school, the army and wives; and frankly, I’m too old to change my ways now.
In a business setting, for example, I’m always well-dressed (suit, tie, polished shoes and all that) and likewise groomed (neat hair, trimmed beard, clean-shaven and nice-smelling).
So when I go to a company and see a bunch of men with scraggly beards, clothing which looks like they were slept in and with body odor to gag a vulture, I honestly don’t care about their self-esteem; I just find them repulsive — and no matter what, I can’t take them seriously.
Judgmental? You bet your fucking life I am.
My lifestyle is such that every.dam.day. I dress for nice utility. My attire has me prepared for any sort of agenda that may occur. Clean, matching, presentable under any condition, inexpensive and comfortable.
I don’t even own any “leisure” attire whatever that is, and I own almost no formal attire because I don’t expect to ever need any. If I must go to a funeral or like, I will just go buy a suit somewhere like I have before then dispose of it later.
despite what current culture says, judgement is a design feature, not a flaw.
Several years ago you posted something about how the average adult male dresses like a ten year old boy: jeans, t shirt and a baseball cap, so I made it a point to dress more like an adult male. I went back to my high school dress code. Chinos or khakis, polo or button down shirt and a panama hat in the summer. I tend to wear hiking boots because they are comfortable and durable. In the winter I do deviate from the school dress code by wearing flannel shirts and often jeans. Outerwear usually includes a jacket and tweed cap or a fedora.
Quite a few nice bars in Boston had dress codes that included a jacket and tie. Some places should revive that dress code. Jeans started as work pants and generally should retain that status. doing yard work running a few errands to the hardware store, working on the car then yes jeans are the dress of the day. If you look like a bum then you get treated accordingly.
As a jeans and t-shirt are my standard uniform guy, I’ll add the counterpoint.
I have observed that people in general treat you differently based on your dress.
I have also observed that you can wrap a turd in $100 bills, but it’s still a turd.
I’ll still judge you initially on appearance, too, but your behavior is the deciding factor.
Your appearance won’t bullshit me into thinking you’re better than you are and I have no desire to associate with those who are bullshitted by it.
Golly, it sounds like Mrs Cleaver dressed you like the Beaver!
June: “Ward, weren’t you a little hard on the beaver last night?”
Ward: “Why dear, no, no I don’t think I was hard enough apparently.”
“…a few nice bar(s)…”
ain’t no such thing as “a nice bar”!
that’s like a cheesy whorehouse requiring its patrons to be dressed in a tux.
Please; I beg of you. Don’t get me started on “a nice bar”; ain’t no such animal.
Where I get white-glove service, I’ll dress accordingly: anything else is just a tarted-up fast-food joint charging ridiculous prices for poor food, terrible cooking, and worse service.
Enough of my rant, but “…a few nice bar(s)…” really torqued my jaws.
you should elevate where you drink. or better yet. don’t. that way the classy places will stay classy
Kim and I are of the same age, and since I generally have nowhere important to go other than the occasional trip to Home Depot or the market, I don’t have need for dress shirts, ties, or jackets for the most part. But if going out to supper at even a half-decent restaurant I’ll at least wear a dress shirt and trousers, a sport coat as weather dictates, and nice shoes. And indeed, I look down on those who dress shabbily or worse, those “men” whose skinny bright-blue trousers end 3 inches above their brown vegan clown shoes. And don’t get me started on the morbidly obese women in clothing made for more comely lasses.
More often that not I’m in my cargo shorts in the summer and cargo pants in the cooler months, a polo in the summer or flannel in the fall/winter/spring. And I almost always wear a hat. Not a ballcap, but nice Australian felt hat or one of my numerous Canadian Tilley Endurables dress hats or the flat cap I bought in Ireland.
The weak spot in my attire are my shoes, as I must stick to slip-ons as opposed to lace up shoes due to physical issues that make bending over to tie laces an unnecessary and painful exercise. Good, wide comfortable shoes that don’t require laces are not easy to come by and the ones I have don’t look particularly good, but they’ll do the job. Again, going out Somewhere Nice™ I’ll wear good leather lace-ups and when out camping I have nice waterproof lace-up hiking shoes, but again, not something I could do every day.
I’ve decided that there is basically no situation, no occasion, in which cargo shorts are not the best choice for attire. I especially like the bulk discount I get from buying my no-name cargo shorts from the Costco clearance rack. YMMV.
That said, I grimace uncontrollably when I see a grown man wear shorts to Sunday Church service.
I try to dress well for work (I’m a lawyer) because a client may make and unscheduled visit and I like to show them respect. When I go to Court, I almost always wear a suit and tie, although I did wear a sport coat and tie recently for a minor hearing. I almost always wear a sport coat, but will, on rare occasions, wear a nice (e.g. Orvis) vest.
I dress reasonably well when my wife and I go out to dinner, and, perhaps as a result of 10 years of all boy Catholic confinement/school, I am well-mannered and don’t curse too badly when we’re in public or in the presence of others.
When I’m around my guy friends, I talk like President Trump does (the Billy Bush tape), although such sexual references are purely in jest and hypothetical in my case.
I’ll be at a NASCAR race this weekend, and I’ll wear a race shirt or a 2A shirt and shorts.
My self-respect emanates from my character, though, and not from my attire.
I was shocked at a recent doctor visit to see a poster that proclaimed “Obesity is now considered a health risk”
Wasn’t it always a risk, despite the body positivity people?
How I dress is none of your business. If you judge me inferior to you because you don’t like my clothes, that says a lot more about you than it does about me. It tells me that you have a serious inferiority complex for which you compensate using fancy clothes.
Throwing money at the problem to make yourself seem better than you really are.
Now, I tend to dress better than most people. But I also do NOT dress “conservatively”.
I’m mostly a tweed or blazer & chinos guy. But that’s a function of the latitude: farther south I’ll ditch the tweed. I find wearing a jacket very useful. But I’ll dress as the occasion warrants: if the occasion warrants boots & hi-vis gear then that’s what I’ll wear.