As any fule know, I love the pneumatic Carol Vorderman for all sorts of reasons:
…but at the same time, I’m not that fooled when I see headlines like this one:
…because let’s be honest, if those bountiful 63-year-old curves were not shoehorned into and corralled by “figure-hugging outfits”, she’d probably resemble a half-filled baggie of Jello.
Not that there’s much wrong with that, of course. I find Jello quite lovely to eat, and I’m pretty sure that this would also be true of la Vorderman.
From where else?
“Judge Abena Darkeh told us, ‘Do not bring the Second Amendment into this courtroom. It doesn’t exist here. So you can’t argue Second Amendment. This is New York.’ “
One assumes that none of the other Amendments in the Bill of Rights exists there either. (They probably don’t.)
Ordinarily, I’d have suggested:
…but:
…and as she’s a Darkeh, I don’t want to be accused of a hate crime (although “hate” is actually inadequate to describe how I feel about this foul bitch).
So instead, may I suggest:
Just tryin’ to be sensitive, here.
Here’s one that got me thinking:
Scientists have found ancient [herpes] viruses locked inside Neanderthal bones that are 50,000 years old — and experts could be set to recreate them. The team who made the discovery now plan to try and synthesize these viruses to see how they compare to modern ones.
Clearly, the modern, largely-incurable herpes viruses aren’t enough for us to deal with.
Okay, let’s have them explain themselves:
“These Jurassic Park-like viruses could then be studied for their reproductive and pathogenic traits and compared to present-day counterparts.”
Actually, no. The last fucking thing we need is to find out how they reproduced themselves. Why? Because once we do, the shit will be able to reproduce itself.
Wuhan, anyone?
The hell with that. I’m very supportive of Scientific Curiosity and all that, but sometimes you just have to draw the line.
And frankly, if we’re going to bring old stuff back to life, what’s wrong with resurrecting the mid-1950-era Mercedes 300 SC?
They could be made in all pretty colors, with- or without soft tops, etc., etc.
Oh wait, I forgot: that’s engineering, not !Science!
Still, I put it to my Readers that having the world flooded with fine 300 SCs would be far more beneficial to life than doing the same with a 50,000-year-old pox.
Feel free to propose other extinct things you’d like to bring back to the modern world; but I have to warn y’all, I got fibs on crucifixion.
Thank you all for weighing in on suggested topics for me to write about.
I should have known better, of course, because given the nature of my Readers, I now have a list of about a dozen topics that I can yell about — except that most of them (e.g. recipes) will require some serious work to do them justice.
So now I have work to do.
Some comments, however, are in order.
I’m not really interested in talking about my days back in the Racist Republic’s army. Mostly, they involved just playing my bass and performing concerts all over the country, and I’ve talked about a lot of that. There were, however, a few things that I’d really rather not discuss in a public forum; I’ve shared those experiences with close friends, and discovered that those discussions brought back the nightmares. (Vets will know exactly what I’m talking about.) So, no.
“Innocent Times Part 2” (per GT3Ted) is scheduled for a couple weeks’ time, as it’s a Sunday feature and I’d already prepared two — which, by the way, you’re going to enjoy — for this Sunday and the next one.
From The Random Texan: “Stuff to get riled up about: right to repair – a ‘dear John’ to John Deere” — I already did that, a few years back.
From JQ:
1) Pistol/rifle drills, 2) any hunting or shooting story, 3) dream guns,
4) guns you have owned or used that you were glad to get rid of, 5) anything on recommended books, movies, classical music (I’d like to broaden my horizons), and 6) Road trips you would take in the US, any travel stories.
Sheesh, are you guys not bored enough by my many, many posts on the above topics?
Anyway, I’ve got some good ideas for the future, and I’ll get to them as soon as I can.
Many thanks.
Bad Love, baby. (Is there any other kind?)
From Houston comes this fine story:
Police said the driver went to the address to deliver a pizza and was confronted by two men demanding money at gunpoint. According to HPD, he pulled out his own gun and shot, killing one of the men. The second man reportedly ran away.
Here’s a good part:
The driver then waited for police officers to respond to the scene.
Always be sure to get your story in to the fuzz first, before the surviving scumbag can start raving about “being attacked while we wuz jus’ walkin’ around” or similar bullshit.
Of course, the driver’s going to get fired because “corporate policy” (more bullshit — I’d give him a bonus), but at least he’s still alive.
Unlike one of the choirboys (“Guess The Race”), who was probably “just about to turn his life around and was even enrolled at Malcolm X trade school” or some similar nonsense (even more bullshit).
