Today’s Earworm

Okay, I have to apologize for this one — I mean, Leo Sayer?  Ugh.

In my defense, Yer Onnah, let me explain by offering up this story.

After I finished my Army service, I had no job, no prospects, no money and in one of my more stupid moments had rented an apartment without having more than the first month’s rent money in my bank account.  So there I was:  in an expensive (for the time) apartment right in the middle of downtown Johannesburg, a few cans of food and even fewer sticks of furniture, going to job interviews on pretty much a full-time basis — as I recall, about three a day — and all for entry-level positions that had no guarantee of a salary that could pay the next month’s rent, let alone anything else.

And I made it even worse for myself by consistently turning down job offers because they were shit clerical jobs with institutions like insurance companies.  Oh, and the band wasn’t active at that moment either — no idea why, it was just in a fallow patch for the next few weeks.

Then I got a call from a guy I knew from the Army Entertainment Group, an Afrikaans guy named Gerrit who was keyboards player in one of the Army bands.

“You playing anywhere for the next two weekends?”
“Nope.”
“I have a problem.  I’ve got a private gig at a dinner dance club in Pretoria, but our bassist just learned he has a kidney problem, so he’s unavailable for the next three weeks — hospital, operations, recovery and so on.  Can you fill in?”

So for the next two weekends I played in this club with a trio, backing a female singer named Amanda, a tall brunette who was terribly sexy, but (I soon discovered) a lesbian.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

And she had a terrific voice.  Nothing wrong with that, either.

Fortunately, the music wasn’t that difficult — nightclub-type jazz standards and popular ballads:  the stuff I’d cut my professional-musician teeth on.  I knew most of the songs, and the ones I didn’t I could busk along with.  (I was actually pretty good at that, and it got me quite a few part-time gigs like this one over the years.)

One of the things I was really good at was vocal harmonizing.  I had a good range, perfect pitch and could hit some scary-high notes in falsetto (think:  Barry Gibb of the BeeGees, whose parts I could nail like a two-by-four).  I’m not boasting, and it has relevance to what follows.

One of the songs that Amanda could really kill was Can’t Stop Loving You  by the above Leo Sayer.  So the first time we played it, I got to the refrain and sidled up to the mike, waiting for someone to sing a harmony so that I could add another one, but… nothing.  She had to sing it without any vocal harmonies to back her up — apparently, the other two guys couldn’t sing worth a damn.  So the second time the refrain came up, I added a harmony — the top one above the melody she was singing.

I’ll never forget the look on Amanda’s face.  She gave me this huge smile as she sang, and walked over to me so we could share her mike, turning it into a duet and staring into each others’ eyes as we sang.  It was incredibly sexy:  we must have looked like lovers to the crowd, and when we finished, there was a storm of applause.  During the break, she said:

“Can you do more harmonies?”
“Anything you want.”
“Linda Ronstadt?”
“You sing it, honey, and I’ll back you.”

So she did, and so did I.  It turned a simple fill-in gig to a wonderful time.

Here’s the end of the story.  The last weekend arrived, and I worked out that by doing this gig I would have earned enough money to pay the next month’s rent, but no more.

And that Friday I went for a job interview for an assistant statistician position at The Great Big Research Company, nailed the aptitude test and was offered the job on the spot, starting the very next Monday.  Financial future:  assured.  (For well over the next decade or so, as it turned out.)

I’d invited this girl to come and watch me play the gig on the last night (Saturday).  I’d taken her out once before, with (shall we say) no romantic conclusion.  So my expectations were low that Saturday night, but I felt like celebrating my new job, and needed company.

To my surprise, we ended up in bed afterwards and she stayed over at my new apartment the whole of the next day and night.  When I asked her what had made her say yes to my spiel, she said she’d been incredibly turned on by watching my duet with Amanda — in fact, it had made her quite jealous — and well, the rest just followed along.

Let’s just say I arrived for the first day at my new job in a state of pleasant satiation.

So that’s why I love that silly Leo Sayer song.

And thank you for listening.

My Kinda Guy

Forgotten in the mists of time is the awful totalitarianism perpetrated on us by the fucking dotgov, whether Federal or state, during The Great WuFlu Insanity.  Of course, the legal nonsense — charging, trying and so on — has dragged on and on and persists to this day, but at least there’s been one happy outcome so far:

The co-owner of Atilis Gym in Bellmawr, New Jersey, who fiercely defied tyrannical lockdowns in 2020, has won a monumental victory after a court dismissed all 80 charges against him.

Ian Smith famously reopened his gym in the middle of lockdown, defying Democrat Governor Phil Murphy’s draconian COVID-19 lockdown orders.

At the time, Smith challenged the Murphy administration’s mandates, arguing they were unconstitutional and detrimental to small businesses.

Wait:  80 charges?  Even for the People’s Soviet of Noo Joizee, that’s a little much, don’t you think?

Anyway, here’s the story:

A swarm of police officers burst through the door of Atilis Gym in Bellmawr, New Jersey arrested the owners for violating Governor Murphy’s authoritarian shutdown order.

“Well, this was a first,” Dowlen said in a Facebook post. “I stayed the night in the gym writing, my book clients Ian & Frank were just waking up, I’m gathering my computer & notebooks, just waiting for the guys to come out for a few final questions, and then a SWARM of Camden County Sheriffs & local Bellmawr police (with K-9 units waiting in a vehicle) come bursting thru the door….to me, sitting there, writing, by myself.

Surprisingly:

First & foremost, the law enforcement officers were polite & respectful.

Lucky they were only NJ cops, not the Oz Schutzpolizei.  But it’s a good thing he didn’t have a gun, though, or else the NJ fuzz would have gone all Canberra on his ass.

Anyway, it got worse;  much worse.

The State’s aggressive response did not end with the arrest. In a controversial move, Governor Murphy and his administration seized $165,000 from the gym’s accounts—funds that Smith claims were amassed through donations and apparel sales to support the gym’s legal battles. This act was a punitive strike meant to cripple the gym financially and serve as a stern warning to others who might consider similar defiance.

“Governor Phil Murphy seized 100% of our assets today – $165k, all of which came from donations and apparel sales. This is done in the middle of ongoing litigation defending ourselves against these fines, our 80 charges, the revocation of our business license, and the unconstitutional health department shutdown.⁣ This was never about protection, it was always about control.

However, since he has been acquitted of all the bullshit charges — with prejudice! — Our Hero has not gone humbly off into obscurity.  No sir.  Instead:

Smith did not mince words, directly challenging Governor Murphy with a phrase that has since gone viral: “Suck my dick Phil Murphy.”

…which is why he’s my kinda guy.

Just Stop That

From the DM”s FakeRedTop Janet Street-Porter:

While the Rishi and Keir Show bores us to death, Argentina’s chainsaw-wielding President is strutting his stuff on a rock stage

Of course, the toothy old Trotskyist thinks that this is a Bad Thing — rumor is that at some Commie conference, she once went down on Salvador Allende and Fidel Castro (having to elbow Margaret Trudeau away from the latter) — but breathes there a conservative alive who did not get a tingle at the “chainsaw-wielding President” expression?

Seems to me that Donald Trump should appropriate the term “Chainsaw President” as his own leitmotif — as long as he actually behaves like ArgyPres Milei once he’s in office and starts taking a chainsaw (metaphorically, but I can also live with literally) to the Deep State Swamp’s entrenched apparatchiks.

In fact:

Go on, Donald:  I dare ya.

Javier’s not going to mind.  (Janet Street-Porter might object to him appropriating her expression, but Commies are all about taking over someone else’s property, aren’t they, so she can fuck right off.)

News Roundup

Speaking of old dicks, let’s look at what our beloved President is doing.

From the The Great Cultural Assimilation Project©:


...relax, Jake;  it’s FJB Or, to summarize: “President Braindead Is Insane.”  More concise and 100% accurate.


...if “enforcement” means rolling out the welcome wagon, then yes.


...is it just me, or is it time to go all Pinochet on these shitbirds?

In Global Warming Climate Cooling Change© news:


...easier than blaming Trump or Boeing, I suppose.

In Global Jew Hate news:


...kinda reminds me of when Kaiser Wilhelm II supported the Arabs against the Jews.


...wait:  Arabs are thieves?  Who knew?

From The Kids Are Alright Dept.:


...considering that the Brit cops appear to do fuck all except harass people who post mean tweets, I would have thought that the work was right up their alley.  Or they’re off on holiday:


...all part of the “work-life balance” thing, no doubt.

Okay, Let’s Blame Whitey:


...oh I just HOPE this is true, because I’d hate to think I had to clean up the coffee splatter for nothing.


...I thought that the prime killers of Black people are other Black people.  Except when they do it to themselves:


...okay, this should have been in the Hearts Of Stone Department.

From the Dept. of Education:


...Teacher Of The Year, baby.


...only good news of the day, that is.

In Technology News:


...everything Microsoft does is fucking creepy.

Time for some 

...wait, WHAT?  I’m not sure even Texas could contain those puppies.

In Sporting News:


...breaking news:  Redneck #1 fights Redneck #2.  [yawn]


...lessee what’s exciting the Irish lad:

  ...maybe it’s her swing. 

On the other hand:

 

...oh.  Then:


...I’m pretty sure he’s not that soft anymore. [see above for reasons]

And that’s all the news fit to take a mulligan.

Memorial Day

Charles Loxton was a small man, no taller than 5’6”, and was born in 1899.  This means that when he fought in the muddy trenches of France during the First World War, he was no older than 17 years old — Delville Wood, where he was wounded, took place in July 1916.

Seventeen years old.  That means he would have been a little over sixteen when he enlisted. In other words, Charles must have lied about his age to join the army — many did, in those days, and recruiting officers winked at the lies.  After all, the meat grinder of the Western Front needed constant replenishment, and whether you died at 17, 18 or 19 made little difference.

Why did he do it?  At the time, propaganda told of how the evil Kaiser Wilhelm was trying to conquer the world, and how evil Huns had raped Belgian nurses after executing whole villages.  Where Charles lived as a young boy, however, the Kaiser was no danger to him, and no German Uhlans were going to set fire to his house, ever.

But Charles lied about his age and joined up because he felt that he was doing the right thing.  That if good men did nothing, evil would most certainly win.

It’s not as though he didn’t know what was coming:  every day, the newspapers would print whole pages of casualty lists, the black borders telling the world that France meant almost certain death.  The verification could be found in all the houses’ windows which had black-crepe-lined photos of young men, killed on the Somme, in Flanders, in Ypres, and at Mons.

He would have seen with his own eyes the men who returned from France, with their missing limbs, shattered faces and shaky voices.  He would have heard stories from other boys about their relatives coming back from France to other towns — either in spirit having died, or else with wounds so terrible that the imagination quailed at their description.

He would have seen the mothers of his friends weeping at the loss of a beloved husband.  Perhaps it had been this man and not his father who had taught him how to fish, or how to shoot, or how to cut (from the branches of a peach tree) a “mik” (the “Y”) for his catapult.

But Charles, a 16-year-old boy, walked out of his home one day and went down to the recruiting center of the small mining town, and joined the Army.

When years later I asked him why he’d done it, he would just shrug, get a faraway look in his blue eyes, and change the subject.  Words like duty, honor, country, I suspect, just embarrassed him. But that didn’t mean he was unaware of them.

So Charles joined the Army, was trained to fight, and went off to France.  He was there for only four months before he was wounded.  During the attack on the German trenches at Delville Wood, he was shot in the shoulder, and as he lay there in the mud, a German soldier speared him in the knee with his bayonet, before himself being shot and killed by another man in Charles’ squad.  At least, I think that’s what happened — I only managed to get the story in bits and pieces over several years.  But the scars on his body were eloquent witnesses to the horror: the ugly cicatrix on his leg, two actually (where the bayonet went in above the knee and out below it), and the star-shaped indentation in his shoulder.

The wounds were serious enough to require over a year’s worth of extensive rehabilitation, and they never really healed properly.  But Charles was eventually passed as fit enough to fight, and back to the trenches he went.  By now it was early 1918 — the Americans were in the war, and tiny, limping Private Charles Loxton was given the job as an officer’s batman: the man who polished the captain’s boots, cleaned his uniform, and heated up the water for his morning shave every day.  It was a menial, and in today’s terms, demeaning job, and Charles fought against it with all his might.  Eventually, the officer relented and released him for further line service, and back to the line he went.

Two months later came the Armistice, and Charles left France for home, by now a grizzled veteran of 19.  Because he had been cleared for trench duty, he was no longer considered to be disabled, and so he did not qualify for a disabled veteran’s pension.

When he got back home, there were no jobs except for one, so he took it.  Charles became, unbelievably, a miner.  His crippled knee still troubled him, but he went to work every day, because he had to earn money to support his mother, by now widowed, and his younger brother John.  The work was dangerous, and every month there’d be some disaster, some catastrophe which would claim the lives of miners.  But Charles and his friends shrugged off the danger, because after the slaughter of the trenches, where life expectancy was measured in days or even hours, a whole month between deaths was a relief.

But he had done his duty, for God, King and country, and he never regretted it.  Not once did he ever say things like “If I’d known what I was getting into, I’d never have done it.”  As far as he was concerned, he’d had no choice — and that instinct to do good, to do the right thing, governed his entire life.

At age 32, Charles married a local beauty half his age.  Elizabeth, or “Betty” as everyone called her, was his pride and joy, and he worshipped her his whole life.  They had five children.

Every morning before going to work, Charles would get up before dawn and make a cup of coffee for Betty and each of the children, putting the coffee on the tables next to their beds.  Then he’d kiss them, and leave for the rock face.  Betty would die from multiple sclerosis, at age 43.

As a young boy, I first remembered Charles as an elderly man, although he was then in his late fifties, by today’s standards only middle-aged.  His war wounds had made him old, and he had difficulty climbing stairs his whole life.  But he was always immaculately dressed, always wore a tie and a hat, and his shoes were polished with such a gloss that you could tell the time in them if you held your watch close.

Charles taught me how to fish, how to cut a good “mik” for my catapult, and watched approvingly as I showed him what a good shot I was with my pellet gun.  No matter how busy he was, he would drop whatever he was doing to help me — he was, without question, the kindest man I’ve ever known.

In 1964, Charles Loxton, my grandfather, died of phthisis, the “miner’s disease” caused by years of accumulated dust in the lungs.  Even on his deathbed in the hospital, I never heard him complain — in fact, I never once heard him complain about anything, ever.  From his hospital bed, all he wanted to hear about was what I had done that day, or how I was doing at school.

When he died, late one night, there was no fuss, no emergency, no noise; he just took one breath, and then no more.  He died as he had lived, quietly and without complaint.

From him, I developed the saying, “The mark of a decent man is not how much he thinks about himself, but how much time he spends thinking about others.”

Charles Loxton thought only about other people his entire life.

In Memoriam