“Dear Dr. Kim:
“I am uncomfortable about my girlfriend’s recent suggestions to spice up our sex life. Something has made her racier all of a sudden. She keeps asking to try S&M.
“She has always been adventurous when it comes to intimacy. She loves role play and dressing up. She says ordinary sex is too vanilla and boring. Recently her tastes have become more extreme. She says she can’t get sexually excited if there isn’t an element of risk.
“Previously, I was happy to indulge her. I’ve never said no to sex in public places and I find blindfolding her a turn on. But now I’m concerned because she’s even started to mention choking.
“This for me is another thing entirely. It scares me. I don’t want to give it or receive it. Why would I want to hurt the woman I love? And I know it could go wrong. I am not prepared to take a risk. I would be devastated if she came to harm.
“I really don’t want to do any of this, but I don’t know how to refuse without making her think I am a bit of a bore in bed.
“I am 31 and she is 42. She’s a fair bit older than me and much more experienced too. We have been together for a year and I’ve really fallen for her. She’s gorgeous, clever and keeps me on my toes. But I am scared that if I refuse her new tastes she may get bored of me. Or that she will go out looking for someone who will be more edgy – someone who doesn’t care about her like I do – and potentially put herself in danger.
“Should I say yes and hope that if we try it once she won’t want to do it again?
Dear Appy,
You have only one choice.
Ditch the bitch.
I’m afraid that this “gorgeous and clever” woman has some serious psychological issues — issues so profound that you need to put distance — lots of distance — between her insane ass and your dick.
And by the way? This escalation of her kink is going to get worse, if you can imagine that. (If you can’t, then that’s all the more reason to GTFO.)
I guarantee you that if you don’t leave, this infatuation that you feel for her will disappear very shortly and you’ll be left with… probably a dead body and whole lot of ‘splaining to the rozzers.
Get out now while you can.
Back during my radio daze, we got a story across the wire about a Seattle couple that was into S&M. She learned he’d been stepping out. One evening they retired to the bedroom for fun & games, where she tied him up – buck naked and spread eagle – to the bed. Whereupon she shoved a curling iron up his ass, plugged it in, and left. His screams were so loud that two of the neighbors had to break down the door, which the Mrs. had thoughtfully locked behind her when she left. He went to the ER; she went to jail.
The course of true love never did run smooth.
I’ve yet to meet a woman heavily into S/M who didn’t have MAJOR psychological issues.
Only met a few, mind you, but all were as crazy as hell.
If I were him, I’d be concerned that I might end up as the dead body and she’d have to explain to the rozzers how I beat her, and then show them some bruises from her “playtime” with me.