…a fool is born, goes the saying. And chances are that the first thing said fool will do is slap down $600 for a pair of… flip-flops?
I’m not kidding.
How the humble flip-flop became the shoe of the summer with unbelievable price tags to match
JHC.
I remember the wonderful little speech given by Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada, in which she schools ingenue Anne Hathaway about the importance of the color “cerise” and how great minds in the fashion industry planned its future appeal, years before it became “fashionable”. (Don’t bother looking it up; it’s dark- or cherry pink.)
I thought the speech was a great example of how easily people can be fooled into thinking that something of little value or consequence actually matters.
As an Olde Phartte of many summers, I can recall many stupid fashions — platform shoes, wide psychedelic neckties, wide lapels on suits, etc. etc.
But I never ever dreamed that fucking flip-flops — which should all be burned on a giant bonfire (along with their wearers*) — would become the new overpriced trend.
When I see F1’s Lewis Hamilton wearing a pair of Laboutin flip-flops in the pits, then I’ll know how far we’ve fallen.
Time for gin? I think so.
*Note: No snide references to Australians, the worst offenders in this footwear folly.
Let’s not forget faded, torn, and/or ripped blue jeans. I remember my mother saying many times, “We wouldn’t be caught dead in blue jeans outside of work, let alone these ones.” It appears to me to be another aspect of tearing civilization down, like the Brutalist Architecture. “Let’s make things ugly.”
When I was in the public school system 1-12, 1960-1972, blue jeans were not allowed, nor were T-shirts. They had a dress code and nobody looked like a slob.
When I see a grown male out in public with flip flops I automatically put him in the big CUCK basket sitting over there in the corner. I have never worn them and see no use for them.
Only wore them in the shower in the service – military orders!
…b-but then what would you do with all your tabi socks?
.
It sounds as if you men doth protest too much in regards to the lowly flip-flop. They are perfectly acceptable footwear for men while camping, on the beach, boating, or other activity in which one is frequently in and out of water, preferably with a beer or other adult beverage in hand. Don’t get me wrong, there was a time in my life you’d have never seen me in old man shorts and flips, but at this stage in my life my DILLAGAF is off the charts and my only remaining vanity is that I have never worn crocs.
But yeah, anything over $20 or $30 for them is outrageous. And finding a decent set of actual swim shoes that a) are comfortable, b) keep gravel out, and c) can survive saltwater is damn near impossible. Still searching.
In my Misspent Youth, these were called shower clogs and sold for under a buck. BUT! It’s all trickledown economics, innit? Right-now rich fools and their money, spreading it around to hungry hucksters.
When I was ten years old and it was, I suppose, excusable, I had a pair of flip-flops that were advertised as “Zorries”. I wore them in our back yard, and once on the beach. They, and especially the newer ones with thicker soles’ kick sand up in your ass. Now the flip-flops are for the shower and hotel pools where among the hoi polloi they count as shoes, and I have a pair of Tevys (not the fiddler on the roof) sandals for the beach because they don’t throw the sand quite so high. I’m an old geezer now, and my feet are too tender to actually go barefoot anywhere outdoors.
flip flops aka shower shoes belong in the shower of locker rooms and beaches. Other than that they should be verboten.
Bear attack jeans need to go away too. those are goofy looking.
The slant eyed half of my family is from Hawaii, where flip flops are as ubiquitous as white on rice. Y’all need to broaden your round-eyed horizons.
I stand by my earlier comments.
nope. I think flip flops help divide the world into shoe wearers of civilization and barefoot savages.
Speaking of platform shoes:
.
Little sister’s wedding.
Mid-1970s.
Mountains east of Sacramento California.
.
Her latest temporary was Herman, all 5′ 4″/162cm of him.
My baby sister is full-size like me, about 6′ 2″ or so.
In metric, that would be ‘taller’ by about a ‘Mount Everest’ or so.
.
Apparently, Herman got one pair out of his vast collection of platforms, took ’em to the cobbler, had ’em dyed to match his rented tux.
A lovely yet subdued pastel tan, shiny ribbon maroon lapels.
So far, so good.
.
Day of.
Herman climbs into his rental costume, complete with those matching platforms.
.
Que : pageantry.
The poor pip-squeak clomps up the aisle to stand facing the preacher.
His back to the audience.
.
Apparently, his intent was to appear to have his legs appear to be approximately twice as long as the rest of his body combined.
To accomplish this magical engineering marvel, the tux rental joint ordered in special trousers with a 23″/58cm waist and a 53″/135cm inseam.
.
Those numbers might be off, but you get the idea.
.
Standing on the elevated section of the stage, his heels were just about eye-level for the seated assembly.
The crowd gasped, a few giggles.
Bless his heart.
One of his extra-long pants-legs was tucked into the heel of one shoe.
A clear view of his platform heel.
.
The ceremony was over in a flash.
Most of us — preacher included — just wanted the whole shootin’ match to get done so we could eat and dance.
.
But some things stick with a person.
That image of Herman’s high-heels still bothers me to this day.
And the first of the pictures, of the Louis Vuitton version, the model is apparently wearing them with a bikini and beach cover-up. I’ve seen knockoffs sold as bunion – hiding flip flops, which seems like a marketing strategy from the same masterful ad agency that advertised 7-UP as good to settle your stomach.
Flip-flops? Spare me.
Here in Oz they’re called “thongs” and are de rigueur for beachwear. And in Kiwi-land, they’re usually “jandals” (for Japanese sandals).