“Dear Dr. Kim:
“I have been happily married to my husband for two years now. We met when I was in my late 20s and we tied the knot when I was 31. I’d never had a serious relationship before, and I used to travel around for work – so I’ll admit that I’d slept with a fair few people before we met.
“Not that it’s something we ever discussed.
“Last week, however, my husband told me his best friend had discovered his girlfriend’s ‘body count’ and was horrified by the total. His girlfriend had admitted to sleeping with 20 people, a number judged by my husband and his friend to be ‘extremely high’.
“Then, out of curiosity, he asked what my ‘body count’ was. And, having heard his outrage at 20, I decided to lie. A little panicked, I claimed I’d slept with no more than 15 guys.
“It turned out that my husband was disturbed even by that lower estimate – and admitted that he found ‘so many’ sexual partners to be a little off-putting.
“Yet the truth is that I’ve slept with well over 50 men, so many that I’ve lost count. Now I don’t know what to do. Should I stick to my lie and just hope the subject never comes up again?” — Heels-Up Harriet
Dear Harlot errrr Harriet:
It’s always so healthy to base your relationship on a total lie, isn’t it? Okay, here’s the deal.
The topic is going to pop up again, because your hubby is clearly one of those “vulnerable” men who feels that your previous shags will form the basis of a comparison to his performance — and it might, might it not?
However, having lied and given the number as fifteen, you may as well stick with it; but here’s how to rationalize it. Assuming that you started at age 19 or 20 (I’m going with averages here, as most women “claim” hem hem to have lost their mimsy-wall during their first- or second year at university), that number of fifteen translates into fewer than two men a year in the decade before you met him — which, to be honest, is not that horrendous in this day and age — and if he does bring it up again, show him the math, so to speak. (Maybe even that number will be too high for Hubby, in which case you are in deep shit — okay, deeper than you are already.)
Just pray that one of your female BFFs doesn’t let your actual number slip during a Drunken Party Episode, or as a way of getting a revenge shag out of Hubby, just for spite.
Welcome to the Sexual Minefield, honey.
— 
My ex told me she’d only been with 1 before me (and she was 20 when we married). During our divorce process 7 years later, it came out that she’d gotten around a LOT during high school, and the real number was in the teens, including getting trains run on her at parties, sleeping with anyone whi’d give her a joint, etc etc.
She hadn’t told me becuz she thought I’d dump her as a slut. She was right. Had I known, I would have dropped her like a hot potato and never looked back.
As far as I can tell, I am number 3, and I even find that number disturbing.
But after 40 years of wedded bliss (yeah right) I don’t think about it much.
Frankly, of the 7 I was with before marriage, I don’t really remember any of them.
Well, there was that one time with a gurl named Bonnie in the hatch of her AMC Pacer at night along the bank of a wooded pond with a full moon overhead…..just her and me and that big ol’ silly moon.
“one of those ‘vulnerable’ men who feels that your previous shags will form the basis of a comparison to his performance ”
If she didn’t think he was superior, or at least equivalent, to the preceding 50-odd, she wouldn’t have stopped with him, nicht war?
.
The question is, _did_ she stop with him?
The rule of thumb is that when a woman tells you that number, multiply by 3.
And, he didn’t meet her until she was nearly 30. Why would that number be a surprise?
I can say, things change when you get older. I’m sure my girlfriend was a party girl in her past. But, I’m 60, she’s 56. Those sort of things are unimportant when you’re older.
I’m pretty sure she won’t be hoe’ing around on me.
The word you’re looking for is “whoring”.
Standards: we have them.
Some of the twenty somethings I worked with in the medical field revealed their body counts to me or alluded to their numbers. I was surprised they didn’t have any other hobbies or time to do something else.