Here’s a new one:
On what planet are these people living? (And I mean BOTH the manufacturer AND the person who wrote this review / headline.)
Let me start out with a basic premise: minivans are not luxury vehicles. (And I speak as someone who has owned… lemme see… three of the fucking things.)
They’re commonly referred to by various terms: soccer-mom limos, kid-carriers, and the like. They are not status symbols — which is what premium cars are — unless they are SUVs like Range Rovers, which at least have the capability (but very seldom the opportunity) to go offroad. And an SUV isn’t a minivan, anyway. Minivans — the term, even — have only two basic requirements: hold a lot of passengers (the “van” part), and be economic and reliable, because gawd knows the sturm und drang that follows Junior missing his important soccer tournament or Missy her ballet performance just because Mom Shuttle failed.
And for many years, minivans followed that formula, and everyone was happy. Few people remember this, but Chrysler’s Plymouth (!) Voyager was by far the most popular thing on the lot — the company couldn’t make them quickly enough — and under the dictionary heading of “basic transportation” in any dictionary was a picture of the horrible thing:
And for those who don’t remember or weren’t in the target market, I recall that the Voyager’s basic model offered brakes and/or suspension as an optional extra. “Basic”, they were, in spades.
For a young start-up family with their 2.7 kids (plus all the other members of the soccer team / Boy/Girl Scout troop / ballet company), the minivan was just the business, because it fitted their basic requirements without having to sell their kids to Jeffrey Epstein just to afford the down payment.
Of course, young families in the minivan target segment now consist of no Dad, a Mom and 0.27 kids (that modern-day demographics thing), which makes the actual need for a large passenger capacity irrelevant. Moreover, thanks to Net Zero and Bidenomics (it’s with us still), mothers are often having to choose between one basic need over another because having both is economically unfeasible. Let me go out on a limb here and say that a $115,000 minivan is not a serious option for them.
And there are only a few billionaire’s wives who might consider buying one of the above, and even then if they want to move their kids around, there are Range Rovers and Maybach (both around $200k !) SUVs that would a) fill the status quotient and b) actually carry more than a few kids besides. Just not in the U.S. or U.K.
Sold only in China, the EM90 is designed for rear-seat passengers who have outgrown juice boxes but still rely on others to clean up their messes. Second-row captain’s chairs that look like they were sourced from Airbus’ business-class catalog transform the humble family wagon into a private jet for the road. Anyone headed to soccer practice in an EM90 likely owns the team and the stadium they play in.
Maybe there are lots of very affluent soccer moms in China, who knows? And forgive me, but sub-Gen Z brats neither need nor deserve “business class” seats, either. Fucking hell, what a shit show.
Finally, Volvo’s management (assuming they have one and don’t just make their decisions based on throwing multi-sided game dice) have been idiotic for some time, ever since they tossed the plain-‘n-simple 240D station wagon (remember them?) for more upmarket models (most of which failed despite being quite decent cars). Volvo was then one of the first manufacturers to go “all electric, all the time” which has met with such resounding success. (Ask Volkswagen, who are similarly brain-dead.)
Who knows? I may be wrong and soccer moms everywhere will be lining up at Volvo dealerships to buy the stupid things for $115 thousand dollars apiece, but I doubt it. The fact that the EM90 won’t be sold in the U.S. is a telling point.
$ 115,000 for a crotch fruit transporter?
What in the actual fuck?
As you said above billionaires wives might have these. I’m also guessing that mostly wealthy people only will buy these and maybe a few upper middle class in the land of China where this is sold.
And most of the buyers will be men who tell their wives here’s a semen hauler bitch, take care of the fucking little shits so I can relax. We breed them, you feed them, I pay for them.
10 to 15 years ago you could purchase a small house or a fix er up house and have a real asset, now vehicles on the whole today cost more than houses a few years back.
Also as you said minivans are not luxury vehicles. They used to be a cheap way to either gather a bunch of family and/or friends into one vehicle and go places with many people. And they were relatively inexpensive compared to other vehicles. The Dodge minivans (original maker of these types of vehicles if I remember right) and others like the Honda and Toyota were affordable people movers.
I don’t have kids and I would never ever buy a minivan at any price, especially not a six figure cost. I hope that price includes a case of lube.
The world today is insane for many reasons and $ 115,000 dollar minivans is one of those reasons.
I think Volvo’s target audience is rich moms who will buy this so their nannies can transport the offspring in a manner they’ve become accustomed to.
Out here in the leafy burbs of Boston, where the median home price is closer to $ 2 million than $1 million the Mom Mobiles I see under the Solar canopies at the middle school are all Range Rovers, Audi Q7 and Q8’s, Porsche Cayennes and Lincoln Navigators with an occasional Escalade in the Mix. And If you haven’t been shopping for a new one recently they are ALL $ 100K + new, so the Volvos price point is out of line. 9 passenger Mini – vans are now called 8 Passenger SUV’s but basically the same premise — just no siding door.
……. and Ralph is correct, some are driven by Nannies or even in some cases, security staff from the larger estates.
I meant to say the price is NOT out of line. Particularly when you add the EV Premium. The problem is with whoever labeled it a Mini – Van. Mon Mobiles are not Mini any more.
I’ve been driving Dodge Grand Caravans for 30 years+. First for the kids and later because they also make fantastic multi-use vehicles.
If I fold the seats up I can take me, my wife our two kids and their two kids and a lot of luggage to the airport.
Right now the most recent one has the seats folded down and in it are 4 sheets of plywood, a heavy duty compressor, multiple tool cases, 10 10′ sticks of 1/2 inch PVC conduit and five or six big totes full of electrical parts. We’re adding on to our cottage and I do the electrical work myself under what we call a “Homeowner’s permit”.
The cottage is 330 km (205 miles) away and I can get there and back on one 75 l (20 US gal) tank of regular gas, with about 50 miles of gas left.
I bought it in 2016, a used 2015, with 30K miles on it, for about $17K US.
1. Nobody, but nobody, makes a plain Jane basic bitch vehicle anymore. Most of what was considered “luxury” is now just commonplace. I dare you to find any modern vehicle in America that still has manual roll up windows. Once upon a time electric roll up windows were considered luxury. Pretty much anything on 4 wheels has A/C, power steering, heated seats, (fake) leather seats, streaming radio with multiple speakers, etc. and so forth. The basic Plymouth Voyager no longer exists and you might as well bemoan the lack of a model T in the Ford lineup while you’re at it.
2. Those of us desiring a basic bitch vehicle (like a return of the 1990 Ford Fucking Ranger) are shit out of luck anyway. The current version is some super tech turbo charged disaster on wheels that won’t last the length of the lease period.
3. The discontinued Chrysler Town and Country would like a word with you about minivans not being luxury vehicles. At a time when the actual basic bitch minivan existed, the Town and Country was considered luxury by many upper middle class households. It may not be your vaunted Euro-trash luxury but rightly considered by many Americans to be top of the heap here in the land of Freedom.
4. Almost no one even makes a minivan anymore. They’ve gone the way of the station wagon, forever out of favor by the so-called soccer moms who now all drive “luxury” SUVs. Status among the upper middle class is out of hand and putting down 6 figures for a kid hauler SUV is normal (thank God I’m well past that stage in my life!).
5. A nicely optioned pickup truck is edging in on 6 figures at this point anyway, so pretty much any upscale import can put a 6 figure price tag on the window and hope for the best. Thanks to Bidenomics, paying three times as much as my first house for a depreciating asset is now considered normal. Hopefully Trump can turn this train around, but until then I’m still driving my old truck. Buying new at this point in time is a “luxury” I can’t afford.
As chance would have it, I just got back from China (and I caught a virus and am sick as a dog – what are the odds) – and was driven around almost exclusively in luxury-ish minivans – mostly Buick (which is a big brand there) and Lexus. There isn’t really an equivalent car like them in the US market.
So maybe there is a market for the thing somewhere, but I agree with those saying not really in the US.
I’ve never paid more than $20K for any vehicle. Ever.
With any luck, I never will. $100K for a new vehicle – ANY new vehicle? Absolutely not.
I could add to the list of hilarious yet derogatory names by mentioning ‘bimbo-box’.
But that would be racist, and most likely fearful of transvestites (‘transvestitephobic’), so I won’t.
What’s wrong with “MILF Mobile”?
I’ve usually found the front seat ride very comfortable and accommodating in mini-vans for the past ten years, but also found the back seats abominable for a long ride, being smallish with poor padding and support, limited adjustment and little outside visibility to the front.
Two of our friends had a 1987 Ford Aerostar – the wife derogatorily called it the “Penismobile.”
That’s right up there with Kim’s “Sputum.”
https://i.pinimg.com/736x/12/b2/91/12b291c8f08fe7926b9be0eeaced2c9a–ford-aerostar-car-ford.jpg
Eh … Russia still makes their version of the VW Combi. US$100k for a van? insanity.
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a1/UAZ-Bus.jpg