“Dear Dr. Kim:
“I’m a manager, and I try to be a good one. I struggle, however, when people ask for days off when they’re trying to get over the death of a dog or a cat.
“Should this really be considered in the same way as the death of a close family member?
“What’s making the issue more difficult for me is that I have never had a pet myself, which means that I probably have little idea of the attachment people can have to one of these creatures. I am probably coming over as a bit unsympathetic.
“I would speak to HR to see if the rules on compassionate leave should be tweaked, but frankly, they’re too nervous to give a firm line on almost anything.
“Dr. Kim, what should I do?”
Dear Sorta-Boss:
You could start by acting like an actual boss.
Fire the whole HR department, for starters. Or if you want to go all wussy, ask the entire department, individually, to give some cogent, business-oriented reasons why you should give time off for the death of a pet. If they can’t, then fire the HR manager anyway, because she’s clearly incompetent and shouldn’t be a manager. (I say “she” because that’s the world we live in nowadays.)
Who cares if you’ve never had a pet yourself? That has nothing to do with the actual managing of a business which is nominally responsible for creating profit for its shareholders or owner. It’s purely an economic decision: can your company deal with the loss of productivity, or not? (If it can, you may want to consider retrenching staff anyway, because you’re carrying too much employee fat.)
Finally, your snowflake employees. I can understand needing time off to grieve the death of a family member, especially immediate family: mother, father, grandparents, siblings. I find it more difficult to be sympathetic about grief as the family circle starts to expand to aunts, uncles and cousins, and almost impossible to sympathize when it’s second cousins, distant cousins, nodding kin, and the like.
You may therefore take it as read that when it comes to the death of pet animals, I think that asking for time off is a colossal piece of chutzpah. (If it’s unpaid time off, of course, then by all means give them all the time they think they need, within limits of course. Let’s see how much they really loved Fluffy when it’s an affair of the wallet.)
Lest I be thought a martinet — it can happen — let it be known that I have never been one of those clockwatcher types of boss, myself. If a woman wants to have her hair done and can’t get a weekend appointment, then fine — ditto a man who needs the same — especially if their job involves customer interaction, where grooming is important. And of course time off for real medical appointments should be a given.
Frankly, while I appreciate the fact that society is changing and employees demand more indulgences from employers, I do think that this pet-worship thing is getting out of hand (see: “comfort animals” FFS), and it needs to be curtailed. By the way, where does one draw the line with this: cats, dogs, horses… also snakes, hamsters, and fucking goldfish?
And for the record, I’ve owned pets for almost all my life, I’ve indulged them more than I did my own kids, and my heart has broken at the death of every single one of them.
But as much as there’s been sorrow, I could not think of asking for time off to mourn their death, because while this may have been a factor in my life, I can’t imagine why a business should be forced into this pantomime of shared grief.
And also by the way: you will see from the response to this question in the linked article that “Nicola” (of course) thinks that giving time off for this foolishness makes the workplace more attractive to current and prospective employees. While I’m not advocating a return to Victorian sweatshops and textile factories, I think that today’s work environment — before this time off for pet grief nonsense — is the most congenial and employee-friendly of any generation, ever. But it never seems to be enough now, does it?
Shape up and get your employees (especially those HR weasels) under control before it’s too late.
— 
Oh, FFS! I yield to no one when it comes to love for our fur babies. I mean, take a squint into the eyes of your cat and TELL me there’s not a person in there, however inarticulate. Too, they got the worst of the bargain when they came in to humanity’s camp fires and got domesticated. BUT … as you say, a business has one purpose — to make money. If you ain’t workin’, you ain’t making money for the enterprise which employs you. Put up a picture of the little critter at your workstation if you need to mourn. But don’t ask the enterprise to provide your regular wage to let you loll around the living room couch and binge-watch The Mallorca Files.
Anyone who uses the term “fur baby” can never be my friend. Or employee.
I have been managing people for a long time. At least as a civilian manager, if someone wants to take a vacation day for the lose of a pet, or just because it is Tuesday, not really my business. I will approve it, because I always approve vacation requests. I treat my employees as adults and let them pick when they work, and expect them to be adults and get their work done.
Now, if they are asking for bereavement leave for a pet (never had it happen) – I would just ask what is the policy? Since it is for immediate family members, the answer is no – but you are welcome to take a vacation day if you want to.
Sorry, I did not mean that as a reply to you.
Just what is it that a bereaved person would do, that could not be done while engaged in productive activity?
If you don’t want to be distressed, you should be grateful that you have work to distract you; if you do want to be distressed, you need treatment.
.
I guess the question is whether it’s better for the company to be down one staff member for a day or two, or force them to come in when they’re an emotional wreck and may affect morale in the entire workplace.
I’m fine with them taking a personal day or two, but not longer. We’re cat owners (or, more correctly, we’re owned by cats…because cats) and the loss of one is utterly devastating, especially for Dear Wife. She has indeed taken a personal day on those occasions, simply because she was unable to concentrate on the detail-oriented tasks her job required.
day off to take care of a deceased pet’s remains should probably be unpaid but that is at the employer and employee’s agreement.
I’m at the point in life where my dog is more important to me than a day’s pay. I don’t refer to my dog as a fur baby though.
The best solution for everybody is to simply negotiate a set of “personal days” that you can take off for any reason. Assuming you’re a valuable employee, that shouldn’t be hard. Then, when Fluffy passes away, or your wife’s cousin is getting married, or you just don’t feel like working today, you can call in and tell them that you’re taking a personal day. Show up early and stay late for the next few days so all your work gets done, and everybody’s happy.
I get five personal days per year, and I seldom use them, but if I need to bury my dog, I’ll probably need some time recovering from the effort. I’m not as young as I used to be.
Dear HR,
I am so upset by the election of Trump that I am requesting paid time off for the next four years.
A couple of days of isn’t going to get you past the loss of a wife, parent, sibling, or a beloved pet. The big difference here is: When a person dies there are about a zillion things to take care of. Funeral, insurance claims, bank accounts, brokerage accounts, etc all need to be dealt with and the universe doesn’t care if you are hurting. Asking for a few days of bereavement leave is reasonable. When a pet dies you bury it in the backyard or get it cremated and get the ashes back in little box.
a)
I strongly recommend anybody using the phrase ‘Human Resources Department’ (or variant thereof) consider suicide to avoid me strongly suggesting making same a hanging offense.
The only exception, of course, would be if you are strongly recommending the noose for all of them.
Dibs on the stapler.
.
b)
‘Fur babies’.
I think that term is in the ‘gonna’ ‘wanna’ baby-talk category.
Not quite qualifying for the noose, but not quite not.
.
And ‘yes’, we raise and train Heelers, the herding dogs.
One 2yo female — Manchelle, named in memoriam of that o’bama ex-FirstSpouse person — is up to around a hundred tricks.
Her significant other — Barky Hussein O’Dogma (domestic partners (hey, I don’t judge)) — would rather climb trees than be earthbound, and at 3yo, is approaching the regional level in Utility and Agility competitions.
.
Neither are ‘fur babies’.
Fact is, they would probably organize a lynching if anybody called them that.
I will admit that I have grown too attached to the current dog, but it has helped me get through losing a wife and both kids leaving the nest (the older came back for COVID then left again). Even so, I try to use “fur baby” entirely sarcasticly.
Our work went to personal days instead of sick days, and then labeled them back “sick days” because of some state’s laws, but they’re the same thing. And our work like most places doesn’t have a mandatory notice for vacation days if something comes up. True bereavement leave is for a funeral we have to go to, or for the death of a very close relative.
I have had to use PTO to deal with dead dogs before, but that’s because I’m in a city where anything takes hours.