Disappearing Products

Corporate Fuckery, Marketing / Advertising

I read this story about the redoubtable Martha Stewart with some interest:

Homemaking mogul Martha Stewart recently revealed that she’s been using the same exact container of liquid eyeliner for 15 to 20 years – and some experts are sounding the alarm over the practice.

In a new makeup tutorial, which she demonstrated for Allure, the 83-year-old admitted that she rotates through five tubes of the discontinued T. LeClerc liquid eyeliners.

In order to keep them looking good, Stewart shared that she just adds water to them, and they haven’t dried out – yet.

Let’s just ignore the usual panic-mongering of “experts” because fuck ’em:  Our Martha doesn’t seem to be suffering any harm, and she’s 83 years old, so she can do whatever the hell she wants.

I am more interested in the fact that T. LeClerc (whoever they are) discontinued the lady’s favorite makeup, despite her ringing endorsement thereof.  And if the star power of Martha Stewart can’t stop a beloved brand from disappearing of the shelves, what chance do we mere mortals have when it comes to our favorite products disappearing into the ether?  Why, none at all.

Here’s my own tale of woe.

I have been using the same brand of deodorant ever since I was old enough to start needing it, i.e. early adolescence (70 minus 13 equals 57 years of continuous, unbroken use).  This is it:


…taken from my purchase history at Amazon in 2021, when I last purchased a case of the stuff — because it had completely disappeared from all supermarket- and drugstore shelves.  I suspected it was going to be problematic to reorder it, hence my large purchase.

And of course, my gloomy prediction has indeed come to pass, because when I searched for it recently, I got this foul note:

Well, it won’t.  I’ve searched high and low, and it’s gone.

Some brief history of the brand is in order, before I continue.

Old Spice is one of those flagship brands, once manufactured by Shulton, and subsequently purchased by the loathsome Procter & Gamble company (may their little Cincinnati nostrils rot).  Old Spice is a remnant of the “heritage” brands;  almost uniquely among male toiletries, the research showed that it was the brand most likely to be purchased by young men adopting their father’s favorite.  Indeed, the Old Spice Classic deodorant and aftershave (the latter in that distinctive little white bottle with the gray press-in top) can still be found in stores, and it was my Dad’s aftershave, the only one I can remember him using — hence when it came time to buy deodorant and aftershave, it was the brand I first sampled.

Unfortunately, the Classic didn’t work for me — it was too pungent, and it didn’t smell the same on me as it did on my Dad (#DifferentPhysiology).  Even my Mom noticed the difference.  So I did the next thing:  I tried a variant — at the time the only variant — of Old Spice, and discovered the “Fresh” label.

It fit me like a glove:  smelled great, worked well (even with the dreaded Teenage Hormones) and — if I may be indiscreet for a moment — it played no small part in my youthful seductions.  I smelled good, always, and still do.

That may not last, however, because with the Classic Fresh having disappeared, I now have to try to find its replacement.  And to date, I can’t.

I must have tried every Old Spice variant — and there are now fucking dozens of them — on the market.

Fucking hell, what a shit show.

I’ve tried them all, but none smell good, in fact the reverse.  And for those Alert Readers who spotted the “Fresh” variant at the end of the second pic, it may actually be the worst of the lot:  oily, pungent and just foul.  They changed the formulation.

In its own small way, this is just a replica of the Coke / New Coke / Classic Coke marketing fuckup of the 1980s, except that P&G (may their armpits rot) are never going to reissue the Fresh variant in its original formula because #P&GAreAssholes.

And I’ve also tried some Brands Not Old Spice, with horrifying results.  Yeccchhh.  And this experimentation is expensive because of Bidenflation, where instead of just paying a few bucks for a stick of deodorant, nowadays one has to get a credit check first.

I know that in the grand scheme of things, the travails of some Elderly White Guy trying to find a decent replacement deodorant are indeed small potatoes.  But it still gets up my nose — literally, in many cases — that after over five decades of loyal use, some cunt in Marketing (aided and abetted by some cunt in Finance) has decided that my beloved product is no longer viable, and has tossed it into the trashcan of history, and me along with it.

I need to get to the range.

28 comments

  1. And here I thought it was just me. I haven’t kept an actual list of beloved products that have disappeared out from under me in the last 50 years, but a goodly number of them are personal care items, as you say. Deodorant, shave cream, and shampoo all seem to be discontinued on a regular basis. Unscented versions of such products for men seem to disappear faster than others. I imagine a marketing department at P&G and other such hives of corporate villainy where the demographic criterion is … only boomers use it, get rid of it … followed by maniacal laughter.
    The top of my “most missed” list, though, is a food product, Nabisco Zwieback. It was a teething biscuit that had the form of a biscotti. It was my go-to, guilty pleasure snack since I was a teenager. I’d eat a whole box of the things at a sitting, and I’m not the only one, either. There are many websites with recipes dedicated to reproducing the them, none of which are quite right. Damn, now I want some. Curse you, Nabisco.

    2. And for Uncle Kenny, I purchased Zwieback on Amazon a few years ago for three teething youngsters. I don’t have the details now, but I’d suggest you look. The package didn’t travel well (I think they drove the delivery truck over it), but that worked out well as the smaller pieces fit better in little hands.

    3. Anyone remember cheese nips? I like cheese it but I preferred cheese nips and those are gone now.

      Also Hydrox cookies. a long time ago I really enjoyed those.

      I also wish that Friendlys resturaunts could be like they used to be.

      And I also would like to have Roy Roger’s and also in addition Ponderosa and Bonanza steak house back.

      Old country buffet and hometown buffet were good too.

  2. Like you, I too got addicted to Old Spice Classic because of my Dad. In the teen years I ventured off the reservation a couple times, ie., English Leather, Brute, British Sterling, but by the late teens it was Old Spice from here on out. About 10 years ago I noticed Old Spice Classic was becoming difficult to find and was being replaced with all sorts of gurlyboi flavors. So I bought about 50 tubes of the deodorant 50 bottles of after shave. After I pass on I’ll have my wife pass on the remainders to you.

  3. Here you go. Buy the lot.- plenty on Ebay
    https://www.ebay.com/itm/176686511352?_skw=old+spice+classic&itmmeta=01JD7ATCBY44KQWVZ1TQP7ZHE2&hash=item29235634f8%3Ag%3APzwAAOSwqyZnOPg7&itmprp=enc%3AAQAJAAAA0HoV3kP08IDx%2BKZ9MfhVJKklKWWxq3t3xHNuLiEl76fWV9ROKYoI6ajEkiVZV7X%2FG6u9vwSIatYyISq8awINqsO5SN39SQFuCpdm%2FHaDrpoAZ%2B7w70GMVa482lA9H9ynuAlXV9o7NmqVzrNxo2mM2RBynlMQ6PPxfcbQqy%2F3QbZeTfa6DC3lCYO2UW38J4u1Te1oqV8mzMiDmHY7mOaK9BBx5N4Ra1JuCo7IJ%2F6IuqEzENp4x7FDdbQa4sIDTL7bFtYN%2FWq7scHJYJBdOPeQJi0%3D%7Ctkp%3ABk9SR5rG6erpZA&var=476359766660

  4. https://www.ebay.com/itm/165035548019?_skw=old+spice+classic&itmmeta=01JD7ATCBYFQR3R7MM2VPC5VEJ&hash=item266ce29d73:g:Kd8AAOSwjs1gS5Gm&itmprp=enc%3AAQAJAAAA8HoV3kP08IDx%2BKZ9MfhVJKmbQ8D33u5Z6sUxW1j3QWEaWyEQIcLLH73kmFdbLnhGRHJ%2FY2gCGMOuZxRED9jTN997VVFKpkDAEVCxX6k3BNUXuKAoMgLf3ZajVhFtwqgQLbjwNuJN4b5P%2FLoCjn6MmjVhQ8%2BMIbl02urxY0mMouRjwAcMGT4bXenU6rIPwow%2FLbXGVB%2F0hgWJIXGl2ksayqwqIwZkK2UTT3NQcq2sKe4WfrXzvthypO%2FUAhgV0Cy%2BZ37XyK9R9hCnmmgLlV%2F9Lphe2%2FQGYlS00TWMG%2BVjDT2fROEXAHi9mF5hza4TRxxePg%3D%3D%7Ctkp%3ABFBMnMbp6ulk

    2. Nope. That’s the Classic Original scent. I need the Classic Fresh — and it’s nowhere on Ebay either.

  5. Same as you chaps with the Old Spice,
    When it changed I hunted around for a replacement and eventually came up with Eau Sauvage (never mind the Johnny Depp adverts).
    Works for me

  6. For shave I’ve used Art of the Shave for the oil, shave soap and after shave lotion. Stink stick I just use whatever I can find. Shampoo hasn’t gone off the market yet.

    aftershave lotion or cologne, I don’t use it. In the 70s I tried Polo, Drakkar, eternity for men and I forget what else. A bottle of each were tossed out when I bought a house 16 years ago or so.

    When I was in college I took a course that was taught in a small computer room. there were two european guys in the class who each marinated in their own colognes. after about twenty minutes the rest of us had headaches from their noxious odors.

    1. :….headaches from their noxious odors…”
      I’m not sure whether BO or overdone cologne is the ultimate evil.
      We used to have some English and German technicians in our factory I could not stand to work with, because their BO could knock a buzzard off a roadkill. When various factory people brought up the ubiquity and low cost of deodorant in the USA, they’d get their backs up and declare their once a week bath or shower was good enough. Their BO was so bad, I dreaded having to go work with them.

  7. Old spice. Good enough for my dad and grandpa, good enough for me. They also used the aftershave (I am bearded like a back country biker, so I don’t). I have been using the Classic wide stick (the blueish gel, not that pasty white lard-based stuff), and like you, I can’t find it anymore, and like you, I hate the “new” crap they sell under their banner these days. Why companies can’t just leave well enough alone is beyond me.

  8. Being in Cincinnati I sort of perforce use a good many P&G products. (We locals have an interesting nickname for P&G employees and executives — Proctoids. P&G is famous for orphaning products. (In my case it was Prell shampoo. But, fortunately, someone bought the brand when P&G dumped it by the roadside outside of town, I can still get it at Amazon.) But in any case, they have maintained a good many you might not have noticed. And they don’t steal IP — at least not that I’ve noticed. I know a good many mid-level Proctoids who have retired on the royalties from products they have developed for the beast.

  9. Martha gets her money’s worth out of stuff

    And she found something she likes and then the item is discontinued.

    Either way – Martha is looking good for 83 years old. Whatever she is doing, carry on.

  10. Ugh. These days everything Must Have More Scent!

    I used Irish Spring bar soap for ~30 years. Ran low and picked up another brick of bars at the grocery store. Nearly staggered by the wave of obnoxious chemical “fragrance” when I opened a box. Now, I have to hunt Amazon for unscented bars of soap. If you’d ever suggested that my go-to bar of soap would be imported from France, I’d have said you were crazy.

    1. Don’t get me started on Irish Spring… their blue bar (whatever they call it) really DOES smell like cat piss.

      1. They’ve even done it to *Dawn dish soap*! Their “new formulation”/bastardy from the depths of heck is not the gentle clean it used to be. Strong chemical smell. So much for the “clean oil spills off charismatic animal” advertising bit…

    2. I recently started using Kirk’s Castile Soap, gently scented and lathers like crazy. Found at WM.

      1. I tried that, but, it feels … off. Not exactly tingly, not exactly like a light burn, but something just doesn’t feel right.

  11. Snap-E-Tom! we hardly knew you.

    Thank goodness for the Vodkapundit, whose Spicy V-8 Bloody Mary recipe stepped into the breach. Of course, here in the Republic of Texas, we swap cheap tequila for the vodka.

    1. As I often say, if you like something and can easily improve it, Do it! Even cheap Tequila has more flavor than cheap vodka.

  12. I was also a long time user of Old Spice products, and I liked the Fresh deodorant as well. That company has pushed me away. I can’t find what I want, and all of the “new” products smell bad and are banned from the house by the wife. Our suspicion is that Old Spice hired some people from the “Axe” body spray competition and now everything smells like awful teenagers.

    The same thing happened with my favorite soap and shampoo – they screwed around with the formula and now I won’t buy it. After much experimentation I’ve switched my allegiance and hard earned dollars to the online seller “Dr. Squatch”.
    https://www.drsquatch.com/

    I bought sampler packs for body soap, deodorant, and shampoo products. I ranked my choices and then asked the wife to give her evaluation. Now I purchase what I like from them and I’m happy. I don’t do the subscription option (bah), I just wait for a good sale and then put in a big bulk order and stock up.

  13. I’ve tried several of the mentioned products at one time.
    That was then, now I use Dr. Bronner’s peppermint castile soap for everything. Soap, shampoo, I can even brush my teeth with it. It tastes terrible!
    If I stink, I stink. That’s okay. I’m fat & ugly, too.

  14. Jack Black Pit Boss.
    Pricey, but IMHO, worth it.

    I was in the UK this summer and their version of Old Spice is made in Germany. It smells very close to the original Old Spice blend. If you want, I can get you a couple of samples when my niece comes to visit next.

  15. It is amazing how brands disappear. Seems like companies by other companies and it is less about increasing product line or market share and more about removing competition. Some thing do not need to change. Not that stops anything.

  16. My Marketing professor for my MBA said once that regarding flavors, the most you can get is 2/3’s who like it. As he explained it, about 1/3 can’t tell the difference, 1/3 can tell the difference but don’t care, and 1/3 can tell the difference, and it matters to them. Through marketing that can be raised to 2/3 who will want to be among the smart set.

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