Some of these may not be actual slogans as used by the brands; but to quote Dan Rather, they’re “fake but accurate”:
- “Yes, They’re Awful. But Look How Many We’ve Sold” (McDonalds)
- “To you, it’s a journey to your dream vacation. To us, you’re just two-legged cargo on a cheapskate budget” (any airline nowadays)
- “When It Absolutely, Positively, Has To Get There Sometime” (US Postal Service)*
- “When Your Dick Is Too Small” (Lamborghini)
- “Endorsed by Kim Kardashian” (any product on the planet)
Your suggestions in Comments.
*I received my Jan 2018 SHOT Show credentials last week, by Priority Mail.
Wasn’t there a campaign button for Richard Nixon that read “You can’t lick our Dick”?
Not an advertising slogan, but the food replicator in one of the Hitchhiker’s Guide books made something that tasted “almost, but not quite, exactly unlike tea”.
Why change Dicks in the middle of a screw? Nixon in 72!
It was too easy back in those days.
CNN — We know you can’t afford to pay for entertainment after that airline ticket.
Cable Internet — Fuck you, get DSL from the phone company.
AT&T — Fuck you, get a modem from the cable company.
New York Times — If you use a computer, Africans will steal your bank account and rape your grandchildren.
Higher education- spend four years becoming even more unhireable, but with a lifetime’s worth of debt!
Movie trailers- laugh at a collection of every single funny bit in our otherwise awful movie!
Beer- Our swill doesn’t really taste all that good, but admit it- you really aren’t drinking this for the taste.
Starbucks- get a coffee based drink that has not the slightest hint of coffee flavor in it for way more than it’s worth.
Used car delaerships- WE SHOUT AT YOU BECAUSE WE THINK YOU ARE STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!!!!
actualtermsandconditionsareruntogethersoyoucan’tseethatgoingtotheMobforaloanwouldactuallygetyouabetterrate.
Tree Frog Beer – “It doesn’t taste like much but it gets you there – faster!”
“Nothing sucks like an Electrolux” (real slogan)