5 Worst Commemorative Days

In ascending order of terrible, they are:

  • International Hemorrhoid Day
  • International Vegan Day (or is that just the same as the above?)
  • Premature Ejaculation Day (I know, I know:  all ejaculations are premature)
  • Molest A Pre-Teen Girl Day (for Roman Polanski, that’s every day, of course)

and the absolute worst:

  • Senator Chuck Schumer Appreciation Day

Your suggestions in Comments, as usual.

Little Late

For some reason (inebriation of the editorial committee, no doubt), my copy of Modern Drunkard magazine arrived late this month;  but I think the exhortation is nevertheless quite motivational:

This nonsense of naming days as “Blah Blah Blah Day” is just stupid.  Wait till tomorrow to see exactly how stupid…

OMG Houston, We Have A Problem

“This is not the kind of business I would like to see in Houston and certainly this is not the kind of business the City is seeking to attract,” Mayor Sylvester Turner said.

What kind of business would that be, that it would rile up Hizzoner so badly?  Why, this kind of business:

 

Yessirree, it’s Houston’s (and Texas’s) very first sex doll brothel.

Only it’s not a brothel.  Why?

Yuval Gavriel, the founder of KinySdollS, calls it a showroom.  Gavriel said customers can try out the merchandise [before buying].

Slippery.  And in one of those delicious little ironies:

The business does not meet the definition of a sexually oriented business and requires simply an occupancy permit.

Needless to say, Houston’s “There-Ought-To-Be-A-Law!” Brigade is in full cry:

Residents and activists have expressed their opposition to the brothel. “There’s kids around here and it’s a family-oriented neighborhood and I live right here and to have that here is just gross.” [said one killjoy]

Considering that Houston has one of the highest strip-clubs per 000 population ratios in the whole United States, this seems… okay, “hilarious” is the word I’m looking for here.  Not that this is going to deter the Puritans In Government [PIGs]:

[Mayor] Turner said “the city is currently reviewing existing ordinances that may restrict or regulate such businesses as well as looking to upgrade our ordinances to cover these type of businesses.”

To reiterate:  while I’m no longer strictly against “regular” prostitution per se, I’m certainly agnostic about the moral issues involved in this robot sex nonsense — but I knew the sex doll thing was going to open up a can of worms.  (I should also point out that unlike Alabama, Texas does not have any laws pertaining to sex toys, so the PIGs have their work cut out for them.)  Clearly, the Houston government has fixed up all the city’s other problems so that city government can afford to devote so much time and energy to stopping a business which will affect, at a rough guess, about a hundred people.

Somebody pass the popcorn.

Uniquely American?

This article (via Insty) lists the top 5 restaurants that define America, and quite frankly, it made me gloomy. Here’s why.

Two of the restaurant chains (Taco Bell and Domino’s) are basically watered-down bastardizations of another country’s food type.  Taco Bell is barely Mexican, and Domino’s is barely Italian — much as is the case with Spaghetti Warehouse and Olive Garden.  (I do take issue with the author’s lionization of made-in-Italy pizza, by the way.  I think you get better pizza in New Jersey and Chicago than anything made in Rome, for instance.)  That both Domino’s and Taco Bell are so popular — despite their tenuous relationship with their specific ethnic origins — is fine, I guess;  but it does point to the homogenization of the American diet, which is not so good.

Then there’s this about Starbucks:

When Howard Schultz conceptualized Starbucks, he wanted the coffee shop to be a “third place” for people. He knew that most people spent the majority of their time at home and at work. He hoped Starbucks would fill in any gaps that existed and become the place where people went when they were in between home and the office. And he succeeded.

That this defines America is a huge tell — because in almost every other Western country in the world, the “third place” is not a coffee bar but a pub.  That we prefer coffee to alcohol in our “third place” is unsurprising, because we Americans (your Humble Narrator very much excluded) have a peculiar attitude towards booze in that we’re constantly at war with it (e.g. Prohibition) while at the same time we’re in love with it.  Just as unfortunately, Americans prefer to consume booze to get drunk (e.g. shots, chasers and keggers) instead of using booze moderately, as a social lubricant.  Worst of all, American bars have totally fucked things up either by playing loud, horrible music inside as though they’re dance clubs, or else by mounting giant TV screens on the walls to screen sporting contests (likewise played at earsplitting volume, to create the “live” atmosphere).  Being deafened by rap or rock music or having one’s conversation destroyed by screaming sports fans is not supportive of socializing — which, by the way, is one thing that Starbucks did get right, by not succumbing to the bar ethic.  The other thing that Starbucks got right — even though I disagree with it — is that by pricing their product so high, they’ve made coffee equivalent to booze (a Starbucks coffee costs about the same as a beer and is only marginally cheaper than, say, a daiquiri).

As for the other restaurant chains named, I find little to disagree with (except for his dig at Wendy’s).  And thank goodness we have Dunkin’ Donuts, America’s answer to Britain’s Greggs chain.  Maybe there is hope for us after all;  but I still wish we had more of a pub culture Over Here, if for no other reason than to lessen the influence of the dreadful Starbucks.

Another Truism

“That which government cannot force you to do because of Constitutional- or legal prohibition, it will force your employer to do on their behalf.”

Such as with the execrable “voluntary” wellness programs (whatever the fuck that means).  Thank goodness I don’t work for Global MegaCorp Inc. anymore, or else I’d burn out the pic below (which I’d be constantly sending in response to their latest poxy diktat ):