Author: Kim du Toit

5 Worst Christmas Golden Book Titles

Friday Feature, The Worst

In ascending order of appalling:

  • “Your Dad Is Actually Santa Claus” by  Ayn Rand
  • “How To Drink Rum Eggnog Like A Grownup” by  Captain Morgan
  • “Getting The Expensive Presents You Really  Want:  A Child’s Guide To Blackmail” by  Stormy Daniels
  • “Santa Claus:  Just Another White Male Oppressor” by  Andrea Dworkin
  • “Jesus Christ:  Jew Bastard” by  Ayotollah Khameini

Your nominations in Comments.

Trump, You Idiot

Politics

The story of the late Bush 41 — a man respected by many and distrusted by an equal number — should have proved an object lesson to the once-god-emperor Trump, but it seems like Trump doesn’t want to learn from history unless it’s his own history.  Which makes him an idiot.  Here’s why.

Facing election, Bush 41 got what would be the loudest cheers of his entire presidency when he made the unequivocal statement:  “Read my lips: no new taxes! ”  Well, we all know what happened later:  “no new taxes” became a “great big huge tax”, passed as part of a deal made with arch-socialist and “Lion Of The Senate” Senator Ted “Swimmer” Kennedy.  The result for Bush?  The loss of the Presidency, because the Republican base, which hates taxes of any kind let alone new big ones, felt they’d been betrayed by the President.

Anyone see any parallels with the current incumbent, Trump 45?  Here it is:  “We’re going to build a wall to secure our southern border:  a big, beautiful wall! ”

And now, this week?  No wall.  Why no wall?  So he can keep a friendly working relationship with not one but TWO Congressional Socialists, Chuck “No-Guns” Schumer and future Repeat-House Speaker “Red” Nancy Pelosi?

Then Trump 45 gets pissed off when Ann Coulter — the same Ann Coulter who back in early 2016 predicted Trump’s eventual Republican nomination, to the loud jeers of a Jon Stewart audience  — entitles one of her articles “Gutless President In Wall-Less Country“.

Well guess what, Donald old chum:  just like Bush 41, you’ve managed to piss off your most loyal supporters, the ones who thought you were different, the ones who thought that if anyone could build a big, beautiful wall it would be a billionaire property developer.

Too bad you fucked up.  And here’s another lesson you’re about to learn from Bush 41 (a.k.a. President Juan Term):  just as Bush 41’s with Kennedy, your “partnership” with Schumer and Pelosi will last as long as the wet ink on the surrender document (“continuing resolution”) that you’re about to sign tomorrow (Friday).  On Monday morning (if not Saturday morning), they’ll go back to sabotaging what’s left of your your agenda, attempting to have you impeached, and turning what was to be a transformational presidency into just another fucking swamp.  Your last two years in the Presidency are going to be dead in the water, and nothing you said would happen, will happen.  And you will go from God-Emperor Trump to President Juan Term II.

I hope it was all worth it, you blithering moron.

“Dear Dr. Kim”

Advice

“Dear Dr. Kim,
“My daughter, a former TV actress, married very well — in fact, she married into Britain’s Royal Family.  Since her wedding, I’ve been texting her every day but she ignores my texts (I believe it’s called “ghosting” nowadays).
What can I do to get her to respond to me?”

—  Shunned In California

Dear Shunned:
Missing from your letter is how often you texted her before she “married well”.  If the answer is “every day”, then you have a legitimate gripe, and the callous little bitch is a social climber of the worst kind.
If, however, the answer is “never” or “hardly ever” or “only to beg her for money”, then you’re the dickhead and she’s well rid of you.

— Dr. Kim

The Dying Of The Light

Behind Enemy Lines, Politics

[This should have appeared over a week ago, but I screwed up the posting date thingy, sorry.  It’s still relevant, and now updated.]

From the Diplomad, talking about the revolting French:

France is in real trouble. I mean REAL trouble.  That once great country, in fact, is dying.  It, along with most of the rest of Europe, has a worthless leadership class that, as we saw at the WWI commemorations, sees nationalism as a bad thing. That leadership argues that true patriotism means going along with the elite’s efforts to kill the sense, the very idea of nation;  it means allowing one’s culture, traditions, and history to be wiped away, and rewritten to justify the on-going social, economic and political destruction.  To object, for example, to the importation of hundreds-of-thousands of poor, illiterate and often violent migrants from some of the most failed countries on earth, many espousing an ideology of hatred for all that France and Western Civilization represent, makes you a vile racist and a deplorable, one who should not be heard, a “far right” pariah.  In other words, Citizen, fermé la bouche and let your betters decide for you.  Nothing to see, keep moving. Leadership should be left to the professionals;  do not attempt decision-making at home . . .

Before any of us start to crow at the Frogs’ expense, however, look carefully at the words “true patriotism means going along with the elite’s efforts to kill the sense, the very idea of nation;  it means allowing one’s culture, traditions, and history to be wiped away, and rewritten to justify the on-going social, economic and political destruction”  and try to deny that this is precisely what our own “leadership” class — political, academia and corporate — is doing to the United States.  [Hint:  you’ll fail]

Now go and buy some more ammo.

(Some of you may wonder why I haven’t suggested also buying a hi-viz jacket as used by the French protesters.  That’s because we Murkins don’t do hi-viz — we do camo.)