Author: Kim du Toit

The Midi

Travels

No time to post anything cultural today; I’m off to the south of France, e.g.:

…and tonight I should be dining somewhere like this:

Yeah, I’ve had enough cold weather for a while, although apparently a cold front has swept through the place, making the weather more like Hardy Country than the Midi. (I know, I know: First World Problems.)

Tomorrow: Monaco, or maybe Provence. (I’m in the hands of Longtime Friend & Drummer Knob, so I have no idea where we’re going or what we’re doing. Pics to follow, if I can get decent wi-fi access on the road.)

Scandal

Behind Enemy Lines, Food & Drink

File this under “There ought to be a law”:

UK McDonald’s Run Out Of Bacon
Furious fast food lovers went into meltdown this morning after dozens of McDonald’s restaurants in the UK ran out of bacon.
Customers were unable to purchase popular breakfast items from the menu, including bacon rolls, bacon and egg McMuffins and bacon and egg bagels.
Restaurants in Devon, Essex, West Sussex and Greater Manchester have run out of pork and customers took to Twitter to vent their anger.

As well they should. I think it actually IS a law in parts of the U.S.:

Section 2 Part I:
No restaurant should ever run out of bacon, under penalty of imprisonment for the manager thereof.

I saw it on the Internet; it must be true.

Good Question

Men & Women

Ripped from the headlines:

“When does the meter stop ticking?” asks millionaire 
The money allowed [his ex-wife] to buy a £2million home in Cheshire… and a holiday villa in Mallorca and she also gets £175,000-a-year personal maintenance for life.

One would think this harpy would be satisfied with this generous settlement; but noooo:

Mrs Waggott however claims she did not get enough from the financial package and wants her yearly payments increased by £23,000.
Her lawyer James Turner QC argued that she is entitled to an ongoing share of her husband’s earnings, as she helped him build his career by supporting him and the family on the home front.
He told the court the question of whether she is in financial ‘need’ is irrelevant, and urged the judges to concentrate instead on the issue of ‘fairness.’ He said: ‘A wife in her position, who has supported the husband through the early stages of a career during a 21-year relationship, should be entitled to a share of the fruits of that career, irrespective of ‘need’ in the conventional sense.

And this, m’lud, is why most people want to see lawyers flayed and crucified. Ditto greedy and rapacious gold-digging ex-wives.

5 Worst Deathbed Statements

Friday Feature, The Worst

Ranked in ascending order of awfulness, as always:

  • “Sorry about your inheritance, kids; but I think I still owe the I.R.S. four million dollars.”
  • “I’m not your real father, Jimmy; Harvey Weinstein is.”
  • “Kids, I’ve got ten million dollars stashed in a secret account in… urgggglllgh.”
  • In your dying delirium, telling Claire you always loved her, when your wife’s name is Patricia.
  • “I’ve got a terrible secret to tell you: my whole life, I’ve always voted Democrat.”

Your own suggestions in Comments, as always. Tastelessness preferred.

 

Miscarriage Of Justice

Entertainment, Funny Stuff

Lots of us don’t care much for our neighbors. But this old fart has set a new record:

Axe-wielding pensioner, 67, threatened to chop his neighbours’ heads off and burn down their house because they’re SCOTTISH

Apparently this is a Bad Thing in Britishland, despite the fact that many Stout Bulldogs share his sentiments. What disturbs me are the charges the man faces:

Rattigan was found guilty after a trial of using abusive words or behaviour with intent to cause fear of violence and racially aggravated harassment

Now I’ve heard some bullshit laws in my time — and since when was abusing Porridge Monkeys a “racial” issue, anyway?

Still, considering that said old fart is a Pikey, we can probably file this whole matter under “Nobody Gives A Shit, Either Way”… because apparently, calling the so-called “travelers” (a.k.a. gypsies) by the name “Pikeys” is also a racial issue.

I report, you decide.

 

But It’s Wrong When We Do It

Men & Women, Two-Minute Hate

Here’s an interesting survey:

Career women in Britain and the US are paying £150 an hour for sex with male escorts and are happy to splash out thousands if they stay for the weekend
Men were thought to be the primary market for male escorts, but now women are the major employers of male escorts in the UK
Women who buy sex are usually in their 30s and 40s and professional
Some say they’re ‘too busy’ for relationships as they prefer to focus on work
But, unlike men, they want more than intercourse: like a drink or meal before sex

Of course, when we men do this kind of thing with female escorts (i.e. prostitutes), we’re “exploiting women”, “treating women like meat” etc. etc., ad nauseam.

Someone remind me: when will the Cherry 2000 sexbot become available?