Author: Kim du Toit

Some Weekend Background Stuff

Music

Here are a few recommendations for the above, taken from my favorites.  Times are approximate.

Schubert’s Trout Quintet (40 minutes)

Schubert’s Impromptus (2.5 hours) (by the way, this visual rendition of #4 in A-flat major is mesmerizing)

Haydn’s String Quartets (six; 70 minutes)

Vivaldi’s Four Seasons (40 minutes)

Addinsell’s Warsw Concerto (10 minutes)

Chopin’s Etudes (twelve; 30 minutes)

Johann Strauss II – Essential Works (2.5 hours)

3 Worst Women

Friday Feature, Gratuitous Chick Pics, The Worst

Here are the three worst kinds of women to be romantically involved with, in no specific order:

  • College professors.  They are used to being treated like gods in the classroom, and they expect you to do the same.  Or they’re fucking headcases who teach one of the “___ Studies” courses.
  • HR career women.  Fortunately, these things are generally unspeakably ugly and your chances of getting involved with one of them are slim, unless you’re a masochist in which case you deserve everything you get.
  • Comedians (we used to call them “comediennes”, but now that’s apparently taboo).  If you want every detail — emotional, sexual, whatever — of your private life to become just another part of her act, date one of these grunts*.

*except for Irish comedienne Aisling Bea, who is totally hot and could say anything about me she wanted, as long as I could do unspeakable things to her young Irish body when she’s not on stage.

Phwoarrrrr…

Health Warning

Health

Well, that sucks:

Men are more likely to fracture their penis at Christmas, doctors say.  German medics discovered rates of the eye-watering injury spike over the festive period.

Here’s the background:

Although the penis is not a bone, it can fracture when the appendage is subject to sharp, blunt force. Afterwards, the penis usually resembles an ‘aubergine’, turning purple and swollen.

Ah, so that’s what this emoji means…

…and this one means it’s crying, therefore broken?

Okay, never mind all that.  Here are the Three Major Reasons why you might break your dick over the Christmas period:

  • at the office Christmas party, you get too keen trying to shag that chick from Accounting in the upright position (you know,the one with humongous tatas), and slam into the wall by mistake
  • it’s the only time of year when the old lady relents and gives you a pity fuck, and you can’t remember how it works after so long a layoff [sic]
  • when you get your annual hand job (see above), instead of acting like a lady, she goes all Boston Strangler on your manhood.

Feel free to add your own ideas, in Comments.