Category: Advice

“Dear Dr. Kim”

Advice

“Dear Dr. Kim,
“My daughter, a former TV actress, married very well — in fact, she married into Britain’s Royal Family.  Since her wedding, I’ve been texting her every day but she ignores my texts (I believe it’s called “ghosting” nowadays).
What can I do to get her to respond to me?”

—  Shunned In California

Dear Shunned:
Missing from your letter is how often you texted her before she “married well”.  If the answer is “every day”, then you have a legitimate gripe, and the callous little bitch is a social climber of the worst kind.
If, however, the answer is “never” or “hardly ever” or “only to beg her for money”, then you’re the dickhead and she’s well rid of you.

— Dr. Kim

Screw The Ignorant Vote

Advice, Politics

It always pains me when people encourage others to vote “even when they aren’t familiar with the issues”.  Here’s my take on that opinion:

Ummm no.  If you don’t know why you’re voting and what you’re voting for, then stay the fuck at home.  Some ignoramus showing up at the polling booth and voting for the first name on the ballot, or voting for the woman just because “it’s her turn”, or voting for the person who looked good on the campaign poster outside the polling station — any or all of these maggots’ votes are negating the votes of people who actually took the time to study the candidates, evaluate their positions, foresee the likely consequences of the policies they support, and in short, who know what the hell the election is all about.

It is no surprise that it’s largely the Democrats who send buses around poorer areas to “help the underprivileged to vote”, when in fact it’s precisely these people who are pig-ignorant and most likely to be swayed by empty promises, free stuff and unaffordable giveaways (i.e. most positions on the Democrat party platform).

So if you don’t know what’s going on at these mid-term elections, stay at home and watch soap operas or Real Housewives Of Cook County, and leave the voting to people who can be entrusted to make decisions.

Don’t Vote If You’re Ignorant.

And by the way, I also don’t subscribe to the line that if you don’t vote, you don’t get to complain about what happens afterwards.  In the first place, your vote may mean diddly — e.g. mine when I lived in Chicago, and my “representative” Jan “Commie Bitch” Schakowski would get reelected year after year with about 70% of the vote.  My not voting did not disqualify me from complaining afterwards, as my several emails to her office would attest.  (I know, beginning them with “Dear Commie Bitch” may have been counterproductive, but that salutation in and of itself at least may have given her office a clue that not all of her constituents kept a well-thumbed copy of Das Kapital  next to the bed.)  In the second place, the First Amendment guarantees your right to complain no matter what happened before.  But far be it for me to use a mere Constitutional precept to buttress my case.

Open Letter To The Republican Party

Advice, Politics

Dear Idiots:

I know you feel you have a desperate need for more and yet more money which you somehow think will further your cause in next week’s midterm election, and therefore the reason why I get several emails from you each day imploring me for same, using terms like “We’re out of time!” and “We face disaster!” when in fact neither statement is true.  What is true is that in reliably-conservative districts (e.g. most of Texas), the conservative guy is in no trouble at all — Ted Cruz is going to wallop “Skateboard Jesus” O’Rourke by more than 8 (and more likely more than ten) percentage points, so why does Ted need more campaign money when most Texan conservatives would rather sell their favorite gun than vote for any Democrat?

And by the way:  using Frequent Quisling Senator Susan Collins in your emails to appeal to me for money is a massive slap in the face.  This MDTR (more Democrat than Republican) bitch has been the proverbial turd in the soupbowl more often than I can count, so just because she did the right thing ONCE (in voting to seat Brett Kavanaugh) does not give you the go-ahead to use her as a figurehead for your fundraising.

The simple fact of the matter is that the Republicans are in little danger of losing in reliably-conservative districts except where they’ve allowed a total fuckhead to make it through the primaries (e.g. Roy Moore in Georgia Alabama* passim).  Where the Republicans are in danger is in marginal districts (e.g. in the aforementioned MDTR’s state of Maine) or where a few thousand illegal votes will have the effect of sending a Democrat to Congress (do I have to remind you of Senator Stuart Smalley’s victory in Minnesota?).  That is where the Republican Party needs to concentrate its efforts, but let’s be honest here:  most people have already made up their minds whom they will vote for, so any campaign money should be directed towards enlisting more poll watchers and oversight (i.e. to prevent voter intimidation and fraud) than on splashy TV ads which most people will ignore.

Yes, you will have my vote, as always;  in fact, voting for me seldom takes more than a few seconds while I punch the “straight Republican ticket” button.  (Primaries, of course, are a different matter:  there, I spend literally hours researching which Republican I think will be the best conservative and vote accordingly.  But the generals?  My voting choice is no longer an issue, by that point.)

So set your fundraising appeals accordingly, because I suspect that among conservative Republicans, I am probably part of the majority.  It may be too late for this election, but it may help you to do a better job with the money in future.

Sincerely,

Kim du Toit

*Sorry, they all look alike to me.

Threats

Advice

Some fuckwit sent me one of these email messages the other day.  I don’t know what he/she expected me to do, but I ignored it.  Then I got a follow-up email, threatening me with still worse consequences if I didn’t pay up, whereupon I replied as follows (using an anonymized go-between server):

I don’t know what you expected to get from me, but instead of money, here’s my response:
Do what you want, then fuck off and die.  Preferably from some painful cancer.  Even better, I hope your entire family dies from the same illness.
P.S. What you referred to as my “password”, isn’t.  You’re not even competent enough to threaten me.

Sheesh.  They must think I’m vulnerable, or something.  I wish I could spend ten minutes with one of these people — just me and a Sawzall.

Another Truism

Advice, Gummint, Health

“That which government cannot force you to do because of Constitutional- or legal prohibition, it will force your employer to do on their behalf.”

Such as with the execrable “voluntary” wellness programs (whatever the fuck that means).  Thank goodness I don’t work for Global MegaCorp Inc. anymore, or else I’d burn out the pic below (which I’d be constantly sending in response to their latest poxy diktat ):