Category: Advice

“Dear Dr. Kim”

Advice

“Dear Dr. Kim:
“I met this really cute girl and we started dating.  She’d told me on our first date that she was a vegan, but I forgot all about that because she was so fine.
“Anyway, all was well until one night I complained to her about her cooking — there was something definitely ‘off’ about her spaghetti meat sauce, it tasted slightly rotten.
“I was absolutely knocked off my feet when she confessed that it wasn’t meat at all —  she’d used a vegetarian substitute.
“To make things worse, she also confessed that from the day she’d first starting cooking our meals, she’d always used vegan substitutes.  (I had noticed that I’d constantly been feeling tired of late, but I put it down to the sex we’d been having.)
“I told her that I didn’t want to see her again until she apologized for being so deceptive, but all my friends say I’m being childish.
“Am I?” — Betrayed,  Brisbane

Dear Betrayed:
You’re not being childish, but you are being stupid.  Your first mistake was not running for the exit when she told you she was a vegan.  There is no greater indicator of female insanity than veganism, except maybe being a global warming hysteric, but I should point out that the two conditions have a large overlap on the Venn diagram.
Your second mistake is that you’re prepared to see her again as long as she apologizes for her deceit.  Are you fucking crazy?  Don’t you realize that this tart will never stop trying to change you into joining her stupid religion?  (And by the way, if she’ll deceive you over a simple thing like food, she’ll be equally deceptive over everything else — connect the dots.)
Toss her overboard.
Now for the future, I should pass on some excellent advice from my good friend Patterson, who always buys a woman a rare steak as a vegetarian/vegan filter on their first date.  Go, and do thou the same.

 

Premature Death, Men’s Division

Advice

I wrote about this very topic a long time ago:

Men who are broken-hearted or just unlucky in love could be more likely to have health-damaging inflammation, new research suggests.
Serious breakups and solo living for many years may increase the risk of ill health and death — but apparently only for men, according to the researchers behind a new Danish study.

All my suggestions are still valid.

Warning Signs

Advice, Health

According to a host of doctors — i.e. real doctors treating actual patients, not charlatans in wizard hats preening in front of the media assholes — these are the ailments most associated with the flu-like Omigodicron virus:

  • Scratchy throat
  • Lower back pain
  • Runny nose/congestion
  • Headache
  • Fatigue
  • Sneezing
  • Night sweats
  • Body aches

As I said:  flu-like.

Now before anyone gets all panicky and starts fleeing to the hospital, let me stress that all the above are not mild symptoms (such as can be associated with the normal aches and pains of age, e.g. as experienced by me and my Readers — average age about 95).

No, we’re talking about the above as incapacitating symptoms:  “can’t get out of bed” fatigue, night sweats which drench the bedclothes for days on end, a scratchy throat which makes it difficult to swallow, body aches which render any kind of movement difficult if not almost impossible, etc.  In other words, extreme symptoms.  (Kinda like ordinary seasonal flu, but on Barry Bonds-level steroids.)

If you are experiencing (or in the current revolting medico-speak, “presenting with”) many or all of these symptoms, then yes, you may indeed have the Omigoditron bug, and you might want to seek medical assistance, especially if you’re being treated for the usual age-related ailments.  (If you’re a youngin in good health, take two aspirins and get on with your life.)

Remember, however, that Dr. Kim is not a real doctor, doesn’t even play one on TV like Ebenezer Fauci, and that all his “advice” should be taken with a metric tonne of salt.

But all that said (and the hospitalization/mortality numbers seem to bear me out), this Grandson of Wuflu does not seem to be that big a deal — more people are likely to die of influenza this winter than from any of the Covids, and most certainly more than from the new kid on the block.

YMMV, but I think the mild Omigodicron Covid variant is going to end up being the vaccine against itself, and life will soon be able to totter along on its normal uncertain path.

Still Relevant

Advice, Gummint

This was my post-catastrophe piece from earlier in the year, and it’s just as relevant now — as we approach the chilly part of Texas winter — as it was then.

Cliff Notes:  Texas needs to become completely self-sufficient in power generation.

I hope that some action has been taken, or else there will be all hell to pay.

Top Picks

Advice, Men & Women

I wish we had more interesting surveys Over Here in Murka, but we don’t.  Here’s yet another one from over there, and a sample thereof:

Top 5 People We Wanna Bonk:

My top 5 wouldn’t include Margot or Kylie (Australians) or Emma Watson (Hermione).  My longtime restraining order  infatuation with Carol Vorderman is well known in these herrre parrrts, but girl-next-door Sandra Bullock has never really got my morals to begin their takeoff run.

As for the men… whatever, although the oily Paul Hollywood makes me want to punch him in the nose whenever I see him on screen.

Here’s another question from the survey:

Assuming that nobody’s lying about this (a big assumption), one out of ten people will be trying to shag someone else at the office Xmas party, assuming anyone gets to have a party this year (another big assumption).  Whatever that actual number is, I would be fascinated to see how many women are planning a little festive bonk, with hubby all unsuspecting.