Category: Bad News

Let’s kick off with some good news, from the Dept. Of Education:

…

And from the Global Cooling Climate Warming Change© Temple:

...oh FFS.

From the Department of Irony:

...who as I recall voted for Biden over Trump, 53% – 47%.

From the Parish Newsletter:

...good thing he’s Anglican and not Catholic, or that Commie Pope would have got it all.

In Dietary News:

...does this mean I shouldn’t be eating Twinkies with my breakfast gin?

...relax, Jake;  it’s New York fucking City.

In the Dept. of Wokery:

...coming from a guy who really needs a swift slap in the face.

...I didn’t even know that the National Organization For Women was still around.  Kinda like the NRA for Cat Ladies, I guess.

...so that when someone tells him to “Go fuck yourself”, he can.

...horribly-overpriced clothes, woke company:  it’s your purchase decision, so be my guest.

In Election News:

...Karl Rove, Karl Rove… who was he, again?  Oh yeah, the guy behind the loss of the election to Barack Obama.  Oh, and the Jan 6 protestors are not thugs, you asshole.

Now for some Adolescent Shooting News:

...silly boy;  if he’d just waited a few years, he could have shot Russians and been a national hero.

News from The Great Cultural Assimilation Project©:

…

In link-free 

…

And in our journey into the  :

Abandon hope all ye who enter here, I think.

And that’s the news.

Hey, speaking of fallen icons:

...well, duh, Steve — we all knew that a long time ago.

...still persisting with the con, I see.

Some more Scumbag News (Sex Division):

...normally I’d be wondering what took so long;  but this asshole redefines the term “scumbag”.

And speaking of same:

...and FJB is made in the image of… well, it’s pretty obvious, innit?

Turning to Woke News:

...if she wasn’t otherwise such a socialist tart, I’d love her a lot.

In Medical News:

…

And in other great medical (but non-NHS) news:

...keyword:  Balkans.

In the Department of Economics:

...never mind buying a house;  you need more than that just to buy fucking groceries.

...and from this we learn, children, why government imposes Green-based initiatives (hint:  it’s got nothing to to with the environment).

Military News:

...actually, they should be blaming Trump. [/Democrats]

...best place to hide them, of course.

In guaranteed link-free  

 

...”ex-friend” by now, if she has any sense.

Finally, a brisk stroll down :

...oh, why not end the week with some gratuitous tottywatching?

So let’s all head off to the weekend:

…being the end of the news.

And speaking of which:

...frankly, if you’re over 50 and still need to be taught about safe sex, you deserve to have your naughty bits rot.

More Health News:

…

And in Economics News:

...and in other news, Gen. G.A. Custer is having issues with the Sioux.

...unexpectedly.

In related Global Warming Climate Cooling Change© News:

...unexpectedly again, as pounding hailstorms have never been seen before in Texas. [eyecross]

Time for some Easter Festivities:

...as long as the crucifixees are Commies and Greens [some overlap]. we should import that custom to the U.S. immediately.  I have a list...

In Sex Wars:

...assuming, of course, that he can put up with all your vapidity, sophistry and childish behavior.

...and just a quick reminder of why:

Moving on to Train Smash News:

...can’t see the problem, as she’s inflicted her offensive music on us for all these years.

And from the cabin of Captain Obvious:

...two words:  three strikes.

Also:

...in which we play our popular “Guess The Race” game. Can’t guess?

…quelle surprise.

In matters of 

 

 

And in Entertainment News:

…and the world mourns.

And in Sporting News:

I know, I know:  “But when’s she going to show us her jugs?“ Read more

And why so many?  Try this little tidbit:

...just sayin’.

Some Election 2024 News:

...read the article to see the truth about “Form EL-131”.  Then feel the burn...

In Financial News:

...starve the fuckers.

And some International News:

...funny how Commie votes are always “unanimous”, isn’t it?

...let ’em eat bugs;  the government apparatchiks, I mean.

... [/Frank Zappa]

In ShowBiz News:

...if they want to add more fantasy to Bond movies, they’ll have to bring in dragons and elves.

And in Health News:

...especially goblins.

…

...and the ad copy writes itself:  “Better Woodies, Longer Life!”

From the anals [sic] of Wokedom:

...seems like it was consensual, so I can’t see the problem here. [j/k]

And from the front lines of Sex Wars:

...but of course, he’ll still be on the hook for child support.
#BelieveAllWomen

And in some 

And strolling down :

...”thrills”, hey?  Let’s have a look:

Yeah, I guess that’s kinda “thrilling” — and the end of the news.

And speaking of women needing Nervine:

...maybe with each other, but no man should.  And then there’s this:

...I don’t know if there’s enough Nervine left for this one — unless she’s the one who cornered the stuff.

Now for some Good Tidings:

And in Election News:

...keyword:  Russia — but coming soon to a polling place near you.

...I guess “We’re totally fucked” was judged to be too inappropriate a summary.

In Legal Notes:

...well, “Jesus” told me she needs a swift cunt punt, but I managed to control myself.

...proving that when it comes to the law nowadays, there’s no room for facts and sanity.

...let’s hear it for the Second Amendment.

In Millennial News:

...well, except that it’s not your fucking money — yet — so they can spend it on whatever they want… you selfish asshole.

In Sporting News:

...and that’s just for the Swedish Olympic team.

...not that anyone would notice, or care.

And when it comes to  

...you don’t say, Jen!  Here she was, back then: 

...and here’s what she looks like today, around 51:

Still quite toothsome with, I suspect, a teensy-weensy bit of  surgical help.

And that’s the news.