Category: Bad News

Now, as for the less-important stuff…

...I’ll take “both” for $400, Alex, but it’s 80% “evil”, and 20% “clueless”.  And in related news:

...gonna sell  give them hi-tech equipment to guard against U.S. missile attacks, no doubt.
#SameAsIran

...nice idea.  Now how about amending it to read “any U.S. citizen” — you know, as per the Constitution — instead of just “journalists”?

...so every time we call attention to or ridicule some government fuckery, we’re “weaponizing” it?
#GuiltyAsCharged

In the Lawn Ordure Dept.:

...keyword:  no, not Alabama;  France.

...nice to see that “PhD” still isn’t a job requirement for criminals.

...never mind moaning about 20 years being “excessive”, asshole;  after what you did to that girl, you should have been executed.
#OnlyInBritain

Hot from the Dept. of Education:

...asks the question, then closes comments.
#TypicalLeftist

In Global Warming Climate Cooling Change© News:

...you mean those fires weren’t because of Global Warming Climate Cooling Change©?
#SuppressThisNews

In the Sex Wars Chronicles:

...isn’t this the generation that doesn’t want to see sex scenes in movies?  Somebody’s lying their asses off.

...rookie mistake.  No man should ever do one of those quizzes because they’ve all been designed by women to catch men out.

And now for some INSIGNIFICA:

And in ShowBiz News:

…but that’s not the story.  This is:

...wait:  you mean… Claire’s available now???

 

 

Well, if that’s not ending the news on a hopeful note…

---

Reminder:  it’s Open Mic in Comments.  Play nicely.

And boy, are you ever going to need one of the above to read what follows below…

From the Dept. of Education:

...”scholars”?  People with degrees in “_____ Studies”?  Ah don’ theenk so, Boss.

...wait:  the Austros have over-45-year-olds in schools now?

And further silliness in Global Warming Climate Cooling Change© News:

...weaselkeywords:  “could” and “up to”.  Substitute “won’t” and “anything like” to the above.

From the Dept. of Civil Defense:

...here in north Texas, there’s a word for people like this:  neighbor.

In International War News:

 
...and even from the grave, Henry gets a Schadenböner:

... instead of sending them to Ukraine, we’re using missiles on asshole Muzzy terrorists, oh yes.  However:

...because repeating the same failed activity over and over always works in the end.
#TypicalSocialistPolicy

And in a different kind of war:

...and then euthanized like unwanted animals?  Oh please make it so.

Speaking of animals that need euthanizing:

...in which we play the “Guess The Race” game.  Clue:  her name is “Shacoria”.

...she sounds nice.  The story is just wonderful.

...branding?  Too harsh, you say?

...headline may have been edited slightly, to reflect reality.

And in further INSIGNIFICA:

...of course you did, my darlin’.

Finally, in ShowBiz News:

...sex every night and three times a day over weekends?  That’s what I’d do, anyway.

…most children don’t look like what they become,really:

But if I can venture a guess, it’s not the face that gets people’s attention anyway:

And with that, we’ve reached the backside of the news.

And believe it or not, ladies:  it’s the truth.  Unless, of course, she’s so worn out by all the work that she comes after him with a cleaver when he just asks her to make him a sammich.

In Military News:

...wait:  you mean that young White men are actually wanted in today’s Army?

From the Dept. of Health:

…

...wait:  don’t they want us to start eating bugs?

Things Political:

...and even fewer people care what you think about Rand Paul, you RINO loser.

And in ShowBiz News:

...key word:  died.  What’s next:  a mass pee-in on his grave?  Can you assholes leave the fucking guy alone, now that he’s beyond “manipulating” anyone?

In GlueBall Jewhate News:

...because their Arab terrorist compadres hate Israel.  There:  saved y’all the trouble of following the link.  And speaking of terrorsymp shitheads:

...food for thought, fuckwit:  Jews aren’t going to be setting off bombs in your mosque — although if they behaved like your terrorist buddies, they would.

In Global City News:

...keyword:  Birmingham, UK.

...keyword:  see above.

From the Dept. Of Education:

...I think the death penalty — wait, it was a female teacher?  Never mind.

...keep maintaining, sweetie.  Ain’t gonna help.

...you wouldn’t think so if you shopped at Amazon, where it seems that every single fucking item is “Made in China”.

And in INSIGNIFICA:
 

   

...and trust me, you don’t want to see the  link.

Finally, a little stroll down

...wait, Demi is now a GILF?

Ho yuss, as a quick look at some 2023-era pics will show:

At 61, very GILFy, my son.

I think we’ve (un)covered enough news for today.

Let’s slice up the news.

...just wait till the videos get to PornHub and xHamster…

...honestly, I’m really not interested in the details of Michelle’s midnight erections.

...oh STFU, Frankie.
#PerpetualComment

...should be more, but the principle is excellent.  Make the bastards pay.

...just one big ol’ happy law enforcement family, Cajun style.

...everybody sing along now: ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ “You say you want a revolution, well, you know…” ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪

From the Dept. Of Commerce:

...that’s because people can’t keep their big yaps shut.  Nobody should know that you’re bonking a workmate, or two.

...the sample probably excluded management, who I bet would have a different take.

...and still none in Plano, TX?  Assholes.

In the Dept. Of Ethics:

...actually, I don’t care about this kind of thing, especially because I have similar thoughts about the Obamas, the Clintons and pretty much all the Bidens.

From the Dept. Of Education:

...not only knew, but actually facilitated — proving that people will do just about anything to help their kids get better grades.

And in related Sex News:

…
#Oops.

...which is just a long-winded way to say:  “I’m a pathetic incel loser.”

And speaking of INSIGNIFICA:

 

Finally, some Totty News:

...and for pictorial proof, here’s the very pneumatic Apollonia:

…Longtime Friend & Drummer Knob asks:  “Imagine going to pick her up for a first date, and she opens the door wearing that…”

That’s some extensive real estate, and that’s enough coverage from me.

Straight into the important news:

...title track from her next album:  ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ “My fans made me leave my boyfriend.” ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪♫ ♪ ♫ ♪

...oy vey.  On both counts.

From the Dept. of Education:

...keyword:  Florida.

From the Red Sea area:

...and when the US Navy and the Royal Navy are both shown up by the Indian Navy...

In Election News:

...him, plus about 60 million others.

In Looneyville News:

...it’s just too bad that they and their vegan boyfriends are usually too tired to do anything about it.

Loonier still:

...atheists like these make me want to bring back the Inquisition and the stake.  Especially when the assholes get their jollies from pathetic memes like this one:

(Hint:  the ones on the left of the picture don’t fly airliners into skyscrapers.)

From the Women’s Section of Looneyville News:

...of course, had the sexes been reversed, the guy would have got life.
#MenArePigs

...yeah, that Star Wars franchise has made FAR too much money;  “equity” demands that their movies start losing it.  And what better way to get there than through feminism?

...key phrase:  Luck of the Irish.

In Media News:

...let’s hear it from those who think this is a Good Thing:

…all of you, huh?

And in INSIGNIFICA:

       

 

Finally, a walk down Mammary Lane:

...and about time, too:

 

And a more recent pic:

Still all there, after all these years… [sigh]

Remember, the Comments section in the Roundup is Open Season.  Comment away.