Category: Bad News

Let’s start out with a trip aboard this week’s EVERYBODY PANIC!!! Express:

...note the weasel words “might be”.  (PFA = Pretty Fucking Awful — it’s a scientific term.)

And here’s something to make the Frogs and other Euros panic:

...won’t happen, of course;  the Frogs will just cheat those 13 points away.
[#Biden2020]

Meanwhile, just over the French border :

...keyword:  Belgium.

In Health News:

…and for once I’m not being sarcastic.

...[insert “Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!” joke here]

In the Unforeseen Circumstances section:

...Jeffery Epstein was unavailable for comment.  And more from Boeing Land:

...leaking like their profit margins, no doubt, the woke DEI bastards.
#SellBoeingStock

Some more Wokery Titbits:

...aaaaaannndddd this would also be the time to sell those CVS shares in your portfolio.

...well, let’s pause here and spare a thought for all those boyfriends and husbands who are caught in the fallout.

...let ’em eat carrots.

Our Advice Column:

...spoiler alert:  it’s 85.  Or should be.

And now, in link-free 

 

...typo, perhaps?
#BadEyes #OldFart

Apparently, the Princess of Wales has been busted for altering a family pic:

And finally, speaking of fine superstructures, here’s Canucki chick Mikayla Demaiter:

And that’s it for the news.

And off we go into Truthsville:

...when you have to rely on Russians for the truth…

...excellent news.  Of course, there are some holdouts:

...this all started when NJ instituted “pistol permit” fees;  proof that you should never allow Gummint to create a new revenue source because once in, it never goes away and can always be used for their, and not your benefit.

And speaking of anti-gunners:

...you’d think that being married to Mrs. Heinz Ketchup would give Fuckface some security against being a paid agent of the Commies, but I’m guessing China’s sponsorship predates the nuptials.

...as Audi does a Jaguar.

...no doubt a result of the Great Cultural Assimilation Project, but either way:

In Political News:

...a) why do we even listen to anything this asshole says, and b) who is this Katie Britt person?

And speaking of people we should be ignoring:

...somebody explain to me why a “pre-60s world” would be so bad.  Nobody?  Thought so.

...probably the only truly funny thing this so-called comedienne has said in in the past forty years.

From the Great Anti-Woke Revolution:

...oh, the temerity of voters to oppose the Great And The Good.  Also:

...LOL the Wannabe Men slap down the Wannabe Women.

From the Police Files:

...can anyone argue that whatever his sentence, it should include weekly ball-kickings?  Nobody?  Thought not.  And ditto this asshole:

...said ball-kicking to occur while awaiting execution, of course.  Oh wait… it’s Britishland.  Two-day suspended sentence coming in 3… 2… 1...

And now we have some

    

…no, it’s not an example of bad track-laying.  The simple addition of the word “fallen” will clarify the matter.

Let’s end with some Hottie News:

...oh yeah, some hemi-centenary Roller Girl action.

And that’s the news roundup for today.

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By the way, today’s sponsor is an actual chain which appears to cater to the college crowd  If you want four inches of serious action, here’s where you can get it:

Let’s stay with some more Wimmin’s Issues:

...or, just don’t exercise at all.  Problem solved.

...for those all-important BJs during the 7th-inning stretch?  I’ve never played baseball before, but I’ve been told that this is important.

...but, but, but female problems!!!

Speaking of female problems, here’s just a quick look at one:

...the problem being that all women of her age hate her.

Now some Election 2024 News:

...and the result:

...I just don’t think those few dozen votes are going to make much difference, fuckhead.

...looks like the Harris County voters want to keep her as far away from Houston as possible, unsurprisingly.

...actually, not too bad when you consider that with Uber you don’t have to stop en route and change to another vehicle (as you do with the train).  Also, if one assumes that she hadn’t booked her ticket far in advance, there’s this:

...I hope it was at least top-shelf tequila.

Let’s hear from the Global Cooling Climate Warming Change© supporters:

...as long as we can hang you from a lamp pole if it isn’t, Fuckface. [looking for rope]

...ummm oops?

From the Police Blotter:

...and here’s the whole story in a single pic:

And now, the latest PANIC NEWS!!!:

...lessee here:  5 deaths out of 250 million people, therefore a mortality rate of… (carry the four, uhhhh…).  Yep:  when the mortality rate exceeds that of “stabbed to death with carrot”, this definitely calls for mass panic.

...actually, we’re trying to keep ALL kids out of these Commie cesspits, but let’s not split hairs.

And now, some link-free  

   

...let’s have a quick look at the now-48-yr-old Baby Spice, shall we?

 

And one from the earlier years:

Ooooh yes, Baby… Daddy likes.

And that’s the news.

And speaking of anxiety, here’s THE LATEST THING TO WORRY ABOUT!!!!

...all the above on a single page at the Daily Mail.

...stupid fools.  We Murkins have been living on UPFs for decades, and we’re doing fine.

Go peddle your Chicken Little bullshit somewhere else.  We’ve got some Oreos and Twinkies to eat.

From the Dept. of Education:

...when even the Third World thinks it’s all a pile of shit...

From the Police Files:

...just to be pedantic for a moment:  15-year-olds who gang-rape are not “boys” and shouldn’t be tried — or sentenced — as such.

And let’s talk about another hardened criminal:

...only in Yurp could this be a big deal.  72 guns, although quite an impressive number, is hardly anything to write home about, and as for 3,000 rounds… that’s about what Doc Russia, Combat Controller and I take to the range for a day’s shooting.  Oh, and Alain Delon is nearly 90 and senile.  What are they going to do:  put him in jail for (ahem) life?

Oh, just for fun, some more Global Warming Climate Cooling Change©:

...of course they would.  Self-sufficiency is subversive, didn’t you know?

In Glueball Jewhate News:

...another blow struck for the Eternal Caliphate.  Now let’s turn him into a martyr for Allah, the sooner the better.

Again, from the Great Cultural Assimilation Project:

...and the Chamber of Commerce gets a collective woody at the thought of all that cheap labor.

...actually, it is.  At some point, they’re going to be casting illegal votes (crime), killing and/or raping women and children (crime) and committing acts of terrorism (crime).  So what IS the fucking issue, then?

...not quite as tough as the Texas law, but it’s a start.  Let’s see if it clears their Senate and Governor’s desk, though.  Then again, there’s you-know-who:

...given the cost of housing on the Left Coast, they won’t be able to make the payments anyway.

And we’re off to the races:

...let’s put on a play about, say, the Franco-Prussian war, and make admission Whites-only.  See what happens.

And speaking of res 

 

...[rising to a point of order] actually, Monica looks sensational in black anything.  Still, let me not influence any opinions here — judge for yourselves:

And on that disturbing note we come, so to speak, to the end of the news.