Category: Bad News

And speaking of speeding:

...”than expected” is now de rigueur in statements like this.

From our Crime Reports:

...reminding me of my support of the death penalty for pedophilia.

...I guess all those anti-cop defunding laws are working out just as we expected, but they didn’t.

...keywords:  New Orleans.

...keywords:  Los Angeles.

...keyword:  wait — Brooklyn?

This week’s PANIC ATTACK!!:

…wait, what happened to Global Cooling Climate Warming Change© and The Next Big Pandemic?

In Woke News:

...yeah, just follow the link if you don’t believe me.

In the Heart Of Stone Dept.:

...quit that unseemly giggling, willya?

… (no link)

...and when I read success stories like this, it makes me proud to be an American.

...Terrible Tragedy or Great Escape?  I report, you decide.

And in a world of 

...that’s no way to talk about London.

 

Let’s start out with a trip aboard this week’s EVERYBODY PANIC!!! Express:

...note the weasel words “might be”.  (PFA = Pretty Fucking Awful — it’s a scientific term.)

And here’s something to make the Frogs and other Euros panic:

...won’t happen, of course;  the Frogs will just cheat those 13 points away.
[#Biden2020]

Meanwhile, just over the French border :

...keyword:  Belgium.

In Health News:

…and for once I’m not being sarcastic.

...[insert “Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!” joke here]

In the Unforeseen Circumstances section:

...Jeffery Epstein was unavailable for comment.  And more from Boeing Land:

...leaking like their profit margins, no doubt, the woke DEI bastards.
#SellBoeingStock

Some more Wokery Titbits:

...aaaaaannndddd this would also be the time to sell those CVS shares in your portfolio.

...well, let’s pause here and spare a thought for all those boyfriends and husbands who are caught in the fallout.

...let ’em eat carrots.

Our Advice Column:

...spoiler alert:  it’s 85.  Or should be.

And now, in link-free 

 

...typo, perhaps?
#BadEyes #OldFart

Apparently, the Princess of Wales has been busted for altering a family pic:

And finally, speaking of fine superstructures, here’s Canucki chick Mikayla Demaiter:

And that’s it for the news.

And off we go into Truthsville:

...when you have to rely on Russians for the truth…

...excellent news.  Of course, there are some holdouts:

...this all started when NJ instituted “pistol permit” fees;  proof that you should never allow Gummint to create a new revenue source because once in, it never goes away and can always be used for their, and not your benefit.

And speaking of anti-gunners:

...you’d think that being married to Mrs. Heinz Ketchup would give Fuckface some security against being a paid agent of the Commies, but I’m guessing China’s sponsorship predates the nuptials.

...as Audi does a Jaguar.

...no doubt a result of the Great Cultural Assimilation Project, but either way:

In Political News:

...a) why do we even listen to anything this asshole says, and b) who is this Katie Britt person?

And speaking of people we should be ignoring:

...somebody explain to me why a “pre-60s world” would be so bad.  Nobody?  Thought so.

...probably the only truly funny thing this so-called comedienne has said in in the past forty years.

From the Great Anti-Woke Revolution:

...oh, the temerity of voters to oppose the Great And The Good.  Also:

...LOL the Wannabe Men slap down the Wannabe Women.

From the Police Files:

...can anyone argue that whatever his sentence, it should include weekly ball-kickings?  Nobody?  Thought not.  And ditto this asshole:

...said ball-kicking to occur while awaiting execution, of course.  Oh wait… it’s Britishland.  Two-day suspended sentence coming in 3… 2… 1...

And now we have some

    

…no, it’s not an example of bad track-laying.  The simple addition of the word “fallen” will clarify the matter.

Let’s end with some Hottie News:

...oh yeah, some hemi-centenary Roller Girl action.

And that’s the news roundup for today.

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By the way, today’s sponsor is an actual chain which appears to cater to the college crowd  If you want four inches of serious action, here’s where you can get it:

Let’s stay with some more Wimmin’s Issues:

...or, just don’t exercise at all.  Problem solved.

...for those all-important BJs during the 7th-inning stretch?  I’ve never played baseball before, but I’ve been told that this is important.

...but, but, but female problems!!!

Speaking of female problems, here’s just a quick look at one:

...the problem being that all women of her age hate her.

Now some Election 2024 News:

...and the result:

...I just don’t think those few dozen votes are going to make much difference, fuckhead.

...looks like the Harris County voters want to keep her as far away from Houston as possible, unsurprisingly.

...actually, not too bad when you consider that with Uber you don’t have to stop en route and change to another vehicle (as you do with the train).  Also, if one assumes that she hadn’t booked her ticket far in advance, there’s this:

...I hope it was at least top-shelf tequila.

Let’s hear from the Global Cooling Climate Warming Change© supporters:

...as long as we can hang you from a lamp pole if it isn’t, Fuckface. [looking for rope]

...ummm oops?

From the Police Blotter:

...and here’s the whole story in a single pic:

And now, the latest PANIC NEWS!!!:

...lessee here:  5 deaths out of 250 million people, therefore a mortality rate of… (carry the four, uhhhh…).  Yep:  when the mortality rate exceeds that of “stabbed to death with carrot”, this definitely calls for mass panic.

...actually, we’re trying to keep ALL kids out of these Commie cesspits, but let’s not split hairs.

And now, some link-free  

   

...let’s have a quick look at the now-48-yr-old Baby Spice, shall we?

 

And one from the earlier years:

Ooooh yes, Baby… Daddy likes.

And that’s the news.