Category: Bad News

And in Very Important News For Womyns:

...feministas cheer at clear proof that they really don’t need men in their lives.  Also, Epsteiner Bill Clinton claims to have an alibi.

...I would have thought that a trip to any Disney theme park would ipso facto ruin a holiday, but maybe that’s just me.

...I liked this Cuban hottie the minute I first read about her.

...I never frequent Taco Bell so I’m immune to this horror, but some people may be interested.

From the Dept. of Global Cooling Climate Warming Change:

...with approximately 53.9999 billion tonnes coming solely from the Third World (e.g. India and China), so send someone to scold them.  Oh look, here’s a candidate:

...especially you, Fuckface.

From the Desirable Consequences files:

...I’ve never thought we should emulate anything that Haiti does, but maybe I was too hasty.

In LGBTOSTFU News:

...this is known as “Pedal To The Metal” marketing.

...see above.

From the Great Cultural Assimilation Project:

...I can just see the Somalis lining up for those Gender Studies classes.

...never a random Haitian around when you need one.

And a refreshing dose of link-free INSIGNIFICA:

  

...you had me at “pussy bows”.

And on that topic:

...any time, any place, RollerGirl.

And that’s all the news that’s fit to drool over.

Speaking of things which leave a bad taste in yer mouth:

...seeing as fuck-all happened to him after the first two, I’ll take “Same again” for $400, Alex.

Speaking of non-binaries, lesbians and the like:

...doesn’t get much worse than being thrashed by a bunch of old Welshmen, does it?

...just wait till some smart guy makes AI work in a RealDoll:  it’ll be all over for Teh Grrrrlz.  And speaking of isolation dreams:

...wait, I thought that during Covidiocy, people couldn’t… oh, never mind.

And more from the Dept. of Public Fearmongering:

...wait:  tuberculosis?  [yawwwwwwwwwwwwwn]  Also keyword:  South Africa.

And from the Dept. Of Education Child Abuse:

…hey, it’s the King James Bible, a veritable orgy fountain of violence, vulgarity and impure thought.

...well, it isn’t.  Not among ordinary Texans, anyway.  Among perv teachers and anarchists, however...

From the Act Your Fucking Age Department:

...so much for his expensive elder-care insurance policy.

...I’m sure some gold-digging whore special someone will overlook his creepy Scientology beliefs and three failed marriages, and will declare the billionaire dwarf to be the Man Of Her Dreams.

And in the Lawn Order Files:

...”But Kim, he’s just a little old man!”  Use a little old rope.

...and here I thought it was just their secret hot dog salt.  Now I have to find another takeout place.

...”Where can I send this list of Jeffrey Epstein’s clients?”

And speaking of outtakes, here’s yet more (link-free) INSIGNIFICA:

Finally, after a lengthy absence, our Paige Three Report returns:

...and is there a better combination?

And that’s it for the nooooz.

And in other fake claims:

...and yes, we should — except that herring and mackerel taste foul and only Scandis eat them.

...you mean like I do every day of the week?

...to avoid being Epsteined, no doubt.  Although she needs to keep her mouth shut about her new home, lest she be Putined.

From the Dept. of Education:

...key word: Manchester a.k.a. Boston North.

...didn’t we already deal with this back in the mid 2010s?  No?  Then nothing’s going to happen to these GLSEN assholes now, either.

In Immigration News:

...you fucking voted for him, you deal with him.

And South of the Border:

...seems a little extreme, although if said journalist were e.g. Nicholas Kristof or George Monbiot, I might reserve judgment.

...you don’t say.

...I warned them to stop those fucking spam calls.

In Health News, some more alarmist stuff:

...but you’ll die thinner, so there’s that.

And for our dose of Extreme Insignifica, with no links (you may thank me later):

...oh go on, I dare you, you fat fuck.

Finally:

...let’s examine the evidence:

And that’s all the news worth looking at.

But on a parallel topic:

...in which we play “Guess The Race” of the “suspects”.

...this news item was brought to you by the Loch Ness Tourism Board.

In the That’s How You Do It! Department:

...and the Frogs have the Right Stuff too:

...the only thing missing is a steam roller.

...too bad he didn’t break his wokist neck.

...key word:  India.

...wow:  whoever could have seen that coming?

...he’ll be even more uncomfortable in a jail cell, but at least he won’t be able to open that door.

...but had the sexes been reversed, she’d have got half of £250 million, you betcha.

And as for INSIGNIFICA:

...now as any fule kno, I think Simon Cowell should be executed for Crimes Against Music, but wait… Mezhgan Husseiny?

He was not worthy.  Or newsworthy, for that matter.

And speaking of women underfoot:

...which I’m sure comes as a shock to the inhabitants of Miami’s South Beach, a.k.a. Sodom and Gomorrah South.

Some Elf News:

…

...key word:  Mexico.

And now, it’s Gay News!

...whatever could this mean?  Oh:

...visual:  Sarah Hoyt’s Shocked Face.

...not worse enough, and they don’t have enough fingers to plug the dike.  And speaking of which:

...even those eeevil guns, Rosie?  Asking for a friend.

From Spirit Airlines News:

...wait for it…

From the Lawn Order Files:

...wait, I thought this kind of thing was impossible because Japan Gun Laws.

...so send her to Juvie in Chicago for six years:  she’ll have all the action she can handle, and quite a bit more she can’t.

From the Dept. of Global Warming Climate Cooling Change:

...actually, France already HAS an annual wealth tax, so what they mean is INCREASE the wealth tax to pay for their gummint’s foolishness.

...spoiler:  nukes.  Actually, just one nuke.

And from the sublime to the ridiculous:

...fucking hell, is this guy EVER going to get over his dead dog?

...am I the only one thinking “depth charges”, just to remind these piebald fucks who’s REALLY at the top of the food chain?

...alternative headline:  Lesbo Discovers She Prefers Dick.

And that lesbo news item segues into yet more INSIGNIFICA:

  

 

Finally:

...and here are a few pics of Eva being rudely French:

Yeah, that’ll wake you up in the morning… unlike the rest of the so-called news.