Category: Bad News

And speaking of the above, Out Of Africa:

...any Seffrican company that invites guests and does not provide armed security should be sued into oblivion.

From our Furrin News Desk:

...the other 25% being foreigners.

...to be followed by a burning of the Koran outside the Saudi embassy.  No? 

...and if that doesn’t work, they’ll just beg harder.

...wait till you see which one.  Jeremy Clarkson isn’t allowed to build a car park on his own farm, but in London...

In the Political News Dept.:

...headline may have been edited a little, for reasons of clarity.

...nothing, even if she were elected, which she won’t be.  No odds are being offered.

And in the tiny Good News For A Change Dept.:

...predicted number of Texas school shootings in the future:  somewhat less than in the past.

Celebrity News:

…

In the Dept. Of Medicine:

...try as I may, I can find absolutely nothing wrong with this.

Then, in (link-free) INSIGNIFICA:

 

...isn’t that just...inflation?

...I know we’ve seen this totty before, but some things deserve more exposure, yes?

 

Not the worst way to end the news…

Speaking of close shaves:

...okay, which one of you didn’t return Sarah Hoyt’s Shocked Face?  And lest you think this is a U.S.-only thing:

...of course you have, you slimy little shit.

Still on the topic of Gummint skullduggery:

...wait, they weren’t on c.c.?

...”the common defense” treaty clause notwithstanding?  Again, I am astonished that someone with so little foreign affairs intelligence was once U.S. ambassador to the United Nations.

Some Crime News:

...and a nation cheers.

…and: 
...I assume both were the Frigidaire 247 “Jeffrey Dahmer” model.

And in Global Warming Climate Cooling Change© News:

...gosh, who could have seen this coming? — well, apart from any thinking human being, that is.

From the Dept. Of Injustice:

...if this evil, murderous bitch were murdered in the prison parking lot within minutes of release, I’d throw a party.

...in other news: scorpion stings frog.

...and if you’re thinking “swapsies?”, I know:  I’m wondering the same thing.  They all look a little too All-American Christianist, judging by the pic;  but nowadays, who knows?

...don’t tell us;  tell that foul Paltrow mountebank.

And in still more INSIGNIFICA:

...unless she had really bad sex when she was (a lot) younger, I bet it isn’t.  But that’s not as stomach-churning as this one:

...just kill me now.  Foul Scandi slut.

But some welcome news, for a change, in Women’s Sports:

...and who she, this Giulia Gwinn?

And not in uniform:

Lovely.  I’m really glad she’s not following the Slut Career Path.

Speaking of tranquilized women:

...you had me at “zodiac zealots” — a more polite way to term “superstitious morons”.  And speaking of idiots:

...animal lovers:  no helping them.

...not to mention all those “teens” on the street where she lives in NYfC.

...yeah, how dare they.  And speaking of the Constitution:

...so lemme see:  all-White golf clubs (for example) are Constitutionally protected?  Got it.

It’s the Chicago Way:

...I would suggest that the bonus-holers who put them there are the real trash, but I’m just a man so what do I know?

...adds meaning to the term “Officer Friendly”, dunnit?  Although it must be said that being forced to give a government agent a blowjob is very good training for future citizens.

More Lawn Order News:

...my guess is that his Spanish is going to improve, big time.

...just another example of that famous “British Tolerance”.

...and nobody saw this coming, of course.  [/sarc]

And in INSIGNIFICA:

…

Finally, in Sporting News:

...have to say, I didn’t see it either:

“Who she?”  you ask.  No idea, but here’s some more of her:

Quite sporty.  And that’s it for the news.

 

And in that train of thought:

...but as this was in Unarmed Britishland... and speaking of danger:

  … and: 
...”teens”.  Let’s play our “Guess The Unnamed Race” game, shall we?

...oooh, Insty’s being snarky, Insty is.

In Global Cooling Climate Warming Change© news:

...yeah, good luck implementing that plan in the United States.  Bring lots of ammo, replacements and body bags.

And from the Dept. Of Health:

...I just hope this study wasn’t sponsored by Jarlsberg.

...never mind Joe fucking Biden;  according to this theory, I’ve been suffering from dementia since I was 17.

Now for Woke Bullshit:

...keyword:  Fort Worth.  And as for the next item:

...I would have thought that plummeting congregation sizes would be more of a problem for his bishopness, but that’s the Anglicans for you.

...yep;  nothing says “modesty” like calling it a “hole”.

...you mean “bleeding-hole owners”?

In further Bonus Hole News:

...how many hours?  Dude... But what else was he to do?  You can’t whip the feral little shits anymore, so why are we surprised at riots?

...seems a little extreme, but then again, I bet it wasn’t the only reason he wanted to ditch her.

Time for INSIGNIFICA:

       

...thus proving that she really is a dirty whore.

...aaaah, have mercy.

Pics like these are not good for an old man like me.  But they’re a good way to end the News Roundup.

...in a News Roundup world first, an actual piece of helpful news (ignore the silly Brit spelling).

...some of which have been used for good (video):

...and some not-so good:

...could hardly get worse… oh wait, this just in:

...but it does get a little better:

...awwww:

Time for some International News:

...probably the only way one can get through the day Down Under.

…

...I had no idea you could do the race in a Porsche — hell, even I could do that.

...hmmm, maybe humans are becoming smarter.

...there you go, bringing science into religion again.

In Food News:

...called the “Lizzo Meal”.

...so on yer next trip Over There, don’t be surprised to see Heinz cans hanging on trees.

...you had me at “Victoria sponge cake”.  Now I have to find one, and eat it.

Finally, our Celebrity News:

...you mean he learned how to do something every single Western woman does every morning of her life?  Stop the presses.

And from the not-so-top-secret files of INSIGNIFICA:

…

...other than having a neon sign on her forehead reading “I prefer pussy”, I can’t see how much more she can do to tell you that she’s a lesbo.

And in Paige Three News:

Malfunction, provocative action or delightful accident?  I report, you decide.