Category: Bad News

Sponsored by:

Let’s but us no buts, but just dive headlong into the news…

...oh, but but but what about the global freezing climate warming change?

...explain again why we need this particular Constitutional provision to be underlined?

...while we’re there, what about the ones who promised to emigrate if Trump won in 2016?

And speaking of celebrities:

...if anyone has been well and truly “dated” (i.e. shagged by a multitude of strange men), it’s this bedraggled tart.

...shoulda listened to the bookies (pre-tournament:  16-1 against).

...by injection, instead of by flaying and crucifixion.  Otherwise, an excellent ending to the story.

…I don’t care if they have 24/7 continuous orgasms.  Kill them all with fire.

...remind me again why nationalized healthcare is such a good thing.

...the rats should be feasting on the striking workers’ festering corpses, but that’s just my opinion.  I mean:

...not even the Blitz inflicted such hardship on the long-suffering Brits.

...where would we be without experts to tell us why men fuck around when they’re drunk, in the company of women they may have been fantasizing about for ages, and their wives aren’t in the room?

...and Skanky McSkankface is somehow surprised by this.

From the pimply backside of INSIGNIFICA:

   

And in our alt-Paige Three Department:

 

That’s enough news Paiges.

Welcome back to an old sponsor:

And on we go, into the filthy bowels of the news:

...let’s not get carried away, here.  Maybe if their backbone went from jelly to cartilage, then we can go from there.

...so the stabber is a “teenager” but the stabee is a “man.”  Make up yer fucking minds.

...I remember when the PPI going over 1.5% meant panic just about everywhere.

 
...of course she does.

...except when we destroy an iconic girl’s toy, it’s a joke:

From the Dept. of Cultural Assimilation:

...should have welcomed him with a fucking bayonet.

...and if you know what a “vibrating horned penis ring” is, go and stand in the corner.  I had to look it up, and good grief, that’s nasty.

...I’m not sure anyone could write a more African scenario than this.

...sounds about right.  So does this:

...I wish I could have seen his face when she said, “Yup, that’s his,” on the witness stand.

...can’t get excited about this one, either.  But I can about this one:

...a true Backstreet Boy, indeed. I mean, FFS.

...paging Mr. Stupid Money;  do we have a deal for you!

From the Dept. of “Yes, That Happened”:

…

Also:

…

And dredged from the INSIGNIFICA files:

 
...I’m just amazed that “Gimme a blowjob” didn’t make the list.  Maybe the trolley dollies don’t think that’s too bad.  I’ll do the research the next time I fly.

Lastly, this:

Bouncy-bouncy in tight dresses… saggy-baggies outside of them.  Just my suspicion;  I could be wrong.

No sponsor wanted to support this Roundup, which given its content, is not all that surprising.  So here we go:

...so Captain Jack Sparrow won’t use a gun in any Pirates movie in future?  LOL

...I’m out of the loop on this stuff.  Does this actually mean anything?

...in tomorrow’s news, cakes, biscuits and chips may prevent cancer.

...hey, if Russia was my next-door neighbor, I’d probably do the same.

...and once again, no mention of flogging or impaling.

...Lynda Carter, Angelina Jolie, Sigourney Weaver and Halle Berry were unavailable for comment.

...and it would be just as enjoyable to flog you with a sjambok for an hour or two, you fucking sicko.

...wait wait wait, I’ve been wanting to say this for years… the defense: “Bitch had it coming.”

...suicide?  No?  Then I’m not interested, and nor are any of my Readers.

...quoi?  Shome mishtake, surely.

And more from the “Hey, It Could Happen!” Department:

  
…and:

…

Damn Spelchek.

From the bowels of INSIGNIFICA:

 
 
..fellow rappers Carpet and Adjacent could not be reached for comment.

Finally, not our regular Paige 3, but from one of the original sources:

 

And that’s it, till next week.

Sponsored by the makers of: 

And on we go:

...confirming what everyone (except the WHO) knew all along. Also:

…confirming what everyone (except Fauci) knew all along.  Ergo:

...

From our International News Desk:

...you had me at “French surrender”.

...their shithole country, their shitty rules.

...sounds more like a Frank Zappa album title. [/Weasels Ripped My Flesh]

And from the Dept. of Cultural Assimilation:

...no good deed goes unpunished;  nor does stupidity.  By the way, this now happens so often in Sweden that it’s no longer reported.

...report does not mention lynching, unfortunately.

...man, these pervos are getting kinda grabby, aren’t they?  Also:
 

And in the same vein:

…

...ya thank?

...which, by the way, you richly deserve.

And from the INSIGNIFICA files:

     

   

...you fuck strangers for money, on camera:  what’s to misconceive?   Anyway:

(By the way:  she’s a squirter, according to her bio.)

Worth $9 a month on OnlyFans?  I report, you decide.

And there ya go:  these are the times we live in.

So continuing in that proud tradition:

...stupid Spelchek.

...yeah, we all guessed that.  They either lie, mislead, exaggerate or conceal, 24/7.

...other reasons include: attending the Governor’s Barbecue, tradition, being a cowboy, and because fuck you.

...as most male Brit politicians are girlymen, this should not be surprising.

...yeah, how dare she interfere in her child’s education? [/teachers’ union]

...who is she, and why should you care?  Follow the link for the full story.

...on a per-insertion basis, that has to be some of the most expensive poontang in history.  Side thought:  how much does that crazy moron earn, anyway?

...the real mistake was when he tried to claim overtime for it.

And from the Dept. of Irony:

...as The Great Assimilation Experiment continues.

...no idea why, as “fuckup” does the job perfectly well.

...but no mention of flogging or castration, unfortunately.

...and who could blame them, other than the Education Establishment?

From between the sheets of INSIGNIFICA:

   

And following that last thought, something for my Lady Readers:

with link:
…no need to thank me, it’s all part of the service — although at $120, you have to need it really badly.

And finally, our Paige Three Special:

Okay, strictly speaking, the last one isn’t a “golf” outfit;  but I needed to make up a four.