Category: Bad News

Sponsored by:

So let’s bleed the News Lizard:

…the worst part is that it’s only “most” and not “every single last”.

...errrr climate change?  Lizzo dance routine during concert?  I’m trying my best here.

...that’s because she IS a scapegoat, and she’s keeping shtum so the Clintons won’t murder her.

...is there ever a WRONG time for rum?

...nice building;  shame about the food.

...am I the only one who thinks managers should lock the office doors and let the fuckers freeze?

...there are a bunch of Democrats taking notes right now.

...French chefs have collective orgasm.  Also:  Australia, where the toads eat bugs.  VW Bugs.

...as Hitler’s ghost sez:  “Huh?”

...keyword:  Massachusetts.  In any Southern state, he’d be in the “dangling” line.

...what if, like most non-Californians, you only have one?

And in multicolored, unlinked INSIGNIFICA:

     
...no news, however, on whether a familial foursome was involved.

Finally, some weird interesting news:

I know, I know:  she’s several pasta meals short of perfection.  But then again, look who she’s married to — the World’s Skinniest Ex-Footballer, Peter Crouch:

So much for the news, then.

Brought to you by:

…the miracle lubricant of politics.  And speaking of shit-heads:

…with respect to the Divine Sarah, Jackson Lee has never read anything, because she is at best illiterate.  As always, the Clown Princess of Congress reminds us that she is still the dumbest politician ever elected (and reelected, and reelected, and reelected because Houston).

...she hasn’t been elected to anything, thankfully, but this dumbass could give Sheila Jackson Lee a run for her money.

...I’m putting my trust in a fresh pandemic of untreatable and deadly venereal disease.

...so that “One Child” thing really worked for you Commie assholes, huh?

...no, the barky little shit gave up acting because nobody wanted to give him any more work.

...that’s an easy one:  while they’re bonking a coworker on the boss’s desk.

...find them, flog them, then hang them.

...and same for this little shit.

...isn’t it a little late to be finding all this out, Gammy Madge?

...that battery-acid taste being such an essential element of Coke’s flavor.

...forget it, Jake. It’s Chinatown New Mexico.

Which brings us to INSIGNIFICA:

         

And in the ever-popular Paige Three Dept.:

...I have no words.

And that’s all the news I can stomach [sic].

Sponsored by:

And the filler [sic] :

...finally, some LEOs with balls enough to rage against the machine.

...I’d bet serious $$$ that their (much-reduced) wealth was inherited.

...perhaps because he was a genius, stabbed his wife and thought women were intellectually inferior?  Or maybe just because he was famous, and fame is like catnip to women, as are bad boys.

Remember this asshole?

Well, lookee here:

...quelle surprise.

...”Groomer Guides” rolls off the tongue so much better anyway.

...good.  The mom shouldn’t be punished for protecting her child, and the little thug should carry a scar, just as a lifetime reminder not to be an asshole.  And then you have stuff like this:

...where the little thug needs a sound daily whipping for the duration of his prison term.

...forgive me, but I no longer give a flying fuck how much the NY government tortures its citizens.  You vote for ’em, you deal with the whippings.  Ditto California.

...and left me laughing my ass off.

On the topic of people being offended over nothing:

...cue the wails from outraged feministicals in 3…2…1…

...sadly, not in a body bag.

...with marksmanship like that, you’d almost think the NYPD was involved.

 
...and now you know yet another reason (aside from anal sex play) why pineapples can be dangerous.

And in a lengthy but still link-free INSIGNIFICA:

   

...easy to say (and do) when you look more like this than you do like Hillary Clinton:

Immediately post-pregnancy:

 

Since the two-bonks-per-day regimen:

…and that’s the news.

Sponsored by:

Ooooookay, then:

...where they’ll all simply sink into the abyss, just like all the other things poured into Africa over the decades.

...help this old atheist out:  exactly where in the Bible does it say that God loves variety — especially of the kind you’re describing?

...and on a parallel note:  exactly where in the Constitution is this power granted to the Federal government?  Oh, wait:

...a stove too far, was it?  Wait till you try to ban the internal combustion engine.

...the Frog cops are being coy about the race / nationality / ethnicity of M. Le Stabber, so let’s just assume that he’s not a conservative French White man — because that would have been in the headline.  UPDATE:

...can I call ’em, or what?

...I wouldn’t have thought that this action was at all unusual in NYFC, so not diverse at all.

...am I the only one who thinks that this punishment may be just a wee bit excessive, considering that murderers typically get only 20?

...man, TexGov Greg Abbott should be getting royalties for all this.

...okay, if ever the name fit the animal, this would be it:

...from the very beginning, they should have named the website “From-slags-to-riches.com” .

...I’d love to see it happen, even just for the sake of Constitutional consistency, but it won’t.  Pity.

...okay, I understand the meaning of the individual words “oral”, “sex”, “tour” and “model” — just not when written in that order.

And now for the INSIGNIFICA:

 

...headline edited for brevity.

This must be what is nowadays called the “JBF” (just been fucked) hairstyle:

On her, it works.  Then again, most things work for Salma.

Now get to work, or whatever.

Sponsored by these guys:

So off we go, cutting through the layers:

...sheesh, when even the Muzzies say stuff that we can all agree with...

...[insert “siesta” and “refried beans” Mexican jokes here]

...I hope it’s a lot more than what they should have spent to update their 1990s software, and that the shareholders bring out the guillotines.

...yeah, when the Russians come to play on your doorstep, it’s no time to fuck around feeding woke feminist fantasies.

From the Plague & Pox Dept.:

...this won’t take long:  you get flu-like symptoms for a few days, feel like shit, and then you gradually get better.  If you’re older, you could suffer worse — also like the flu.

...are these super rodents immune to .22 bullets?  No?  Then there’s nothing to worry about — oh wait, it’s Britain.  Everybody panic.

...drought and war are more-or-less acceptable reasons for high food prices;  Biden’s moronic economic policies?  Not.

...LOL when even Teh Meskin Commies show more common sense than the governments of New York, Illinois and California…

...okay, now that’s funny right there.

...I do believe I’ve now heard everything.

And from link-free INSIGNIFICA:

          ...I can’t even.

And:

…I report, you decide;  although I should point out that she’s a decade younger than Carol Vorderman.

Okay, you can wheel me back to my room now, and gimme some of that Viagra stuff while you’re at it.