Category: Bad News

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And why not?

...I guess he just got sick of being bossed around by a bunch of bossy Karens.  Amazingly, this was in Canada.

...yeah, fuck your “holidays” bullshit, it’s Christmas, y’all.  Sheesh, I’m an atheist and I appreciate the Christmas spirit.

From the Sounds About Right Department:

...there should also be clubbing and flailing, but I’ll take what I can get.

A sad note:

...the more guns become commonplace, the more people are just going to forget they’re carrying them.  Be smart, people.

...I hate the sound of all that J&B glugging down the drain, but oh well… I guess it’s single malt or Famous Grouse from now on.

...and all Argentina rejoices.   Ummmmm maybe a little too heartily:

...fool kid obviously never heard of Isadora Duncan before.

And from the Dept. of Global Freezing Climate Warming Change:

...no shit?  And I may end up in bed with Nigella Lawson.  (Neither is going to happen in my lifetime, in other words.)

...climate change is causing the magnetic poles to move?  Like what happened thousands of years ago, before SUVs?

...remind me:  wasn’t this the same supercomputer that said that sea levels would rise by 50 feet in 2015?

Moving away from stupidity to common sense:

...I can live without Cuba Libres, so I’m cool with this.  I just hope he bans children as well.  Serious drinking is no place for kiddies.

And the INSIGNIFICA sez:

 

    ...oh FFS.

...I had no idea that “wows” now means “causes mass projectile vomiting”.  (Warning: link contains pics.)

Something slightly more pleasant to look at, as we conclude our study of women:

...a much better filling for a “plunging navy swimsuit”, I think.

And that’s all the pre-Christmas news for now.

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And in we dive:

...every single one of these people — CDC and the gun controllers — need daily scourgings, for a full year.  Let’s not even talk about the fact that gun violence isn’t a “disease”.

...way I see it, anyone who eats this disgusting shit deserves everything that happens to them.

Director James Cameron said in a recent interview that his upcoming movie is the most empowering movie for women because one of the characters is a pregnant warrior
...anyone seen the movie Fargo (1996)?

...clearly, we’ve run out of military heroes to use as ships’ names.  Still, it could have been worse, e.g. USS Buttigieg.

...take it in the ass, fuckwits, just like border towns have had to.

In the Sounds About Right Dept.:

...as long as Dad has the fortitude to keep it going, that is.

...do they still have public beheadings in Lebanon?  Asking for a friend.

From our International News Desk:

...what they can’t control, they want to ban.  Same as Leftists everywhere.

...the actual headline is even more ridiculous than this one.

From INSIGNIFICA:

 

 

 

...I wouldn’t have used the word “incredible”, unless as originally meant, “defies belief”.

 

 

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Let’s but us no buts, but just dive headlong into the news…

...oh, but but but what about the global freezing climate warming change?

...explain again why we need this particular Constitutional provision to be underlined?

...while we’re there, what about the ones who promised to emigrate if Trump won in 2016?

And speaking of celebrities:

...if anyone has been well and truly “dated” (i.e. shagged by a multitude of strange men), it’s this bedraggled tart.

...shoulda listened to the bookies (pre-tournament:  16-1 against).

...by injection, instead of by flaying and crucifixion.  Otherwise, an excellent ending to the story.

…I don’t care if they have 24/7 continuous orgasms.  Kill them all with fire.

...remind me again why nationalized healthcare is such a good thing.

...the rats should be feasting on the striking workers’ festering corpses, but that’s just my opinion.  I mean:

...not even the Blitz inflicted such hardship on the long-suffering Brits.

...where would we be without experts to tell us why men fuck around when they’re drunk, in the company of women they may have been fantasizing about for ages, and their wives aren’t in the room?

...and Skanky McSkankface is somehow surprised by this.

From the pimply backside of INSIGNIFICA:

   

And in our alt-Paige Three Department:

 

That’s enough news Paiges.

Welcome back to an old sponsor:

And on we go, into the filthy bowels of the news:

...let’s not get carried away, here.  Maybe if their backbone went from jelly to cartilage, then we can go from there.

...so the stabber is a “teenager” but the stabee is a “man.”  Make up yer fucking minds.

...I remember when the PPI going over 1.5% meant panic just about everywhere.

 
...of course she does.

...except when we destroy an iconic girl’s toy, it’s a joke:

From the Dept. of Cultural Assimilation:

...should have welcomed him with a fucking bayonet.

...and if you know what a “vibrating horned penis ring” is, go and stand in the corner.  I had to look it up, and good grief, that’s nasty.

...I’m not sure anyone could write a more African scenario than this.

...sounds about right.  So does this:

...I wish I could have seen his face when she said, “Yup, that’s his,” on the witness stand.

...can’t get excited about this one, either.  But I can about this one:

...a true Backstreet Boy, indeed. I mean, FFS.

...paging Mr. Stupid Money;  do we have a deal for you!

From the Dept. of “Yes, That Happened”:

…

Also:

…

And dredged from the INSIGNIFICA files:

 
...I’m just amazed that “Gimme a blowjob” didn’t make the list.  Maybe the trolley dollies don’t think that’s too bad.  I’ll do the research the next time I fly.

Lastly, this:

Bouncy-bouncy in tight dresses… saggy-baggies outside of them.  Just my suspicion;  I could be wrong.

No sponsor wanted to support this Roundup, which given its content, is not all that surprising.  So here we go:

...so Captain Jack Sparrow won’t use a gun in any Pirates movie in future?  LOL

...I’m out of the loop on this stuff.  Does this actually mean anything?

...in tomorrow’s news, cakes, biscuits and chips may prevent cancer.

...hey, if Russia was my next-door neighbor, I’d probably do the same.

...and once again, no mention of flogging or impaling.

...Lynda Carter, Angelina Jolie, Sigourney Weaver and Halle Berry were unavailable for comment.

...and it would be just as enjoyable to flog you with a sjambok for an hour or two, you fucking sicko.

...wait wait wait, I’ve been wanting to say this for years… the defense: “Bitch had it coming.”

...suicide?  No?  Then I’m not interested, and nor are any of my Readers.

...quoi?  Shome mishtake, surely.

And more from the “Hey, It Could Happen!” Department:

  
…and:

…

Damn Spelchek.

From the bowels of INSIGNIFICA:

 
 
..fellow rappers Carpet and Adjacent could not be reached for comment.

Finally, not our regular Paige 3, but from one of the original sources:

 

And that’s it, till next week.

Sponsored by the makers of: 

And on we go:

...confirming what everyone (except the WHO) knew all along. Also:

…confirming what everyone (except Fauci) knew all along.  Ergo:

...

From our International News Desk:

...you had me at “French surrender”.

...their shithole country, their shitty rules.

...sounds more like a Frank Zappa album title. [/Weasels Ripped My Flesh]

And from the Dept. of Cultural Assimilation:

...no good deed goes unpunished;  nor does stupidity.  By the way, this now happens so often in Sweden that it’s no longer reported.

...report does not mention lynching, unfortunately.

...man, these pervos are getting kinda grabby, aren’t they?  Also:
 

And in the same vein:

…

...ya thank?

...which, by the way, you richly deserve.

And from the INSIGNIFICA files:

     

   

...you fuck strangers for money, on camera:  what’s to misconceive?   Anyway:

(By the way:  she’s a squirter, according to her bio.)

Worth $9 a month on OnlyFans?  I report, you decide.

And there ya go:  these are the times we live in.