Category: Bad News

Sponsored by:

 

And our news is also hard-hitting (okay, maybe not so much):

...that’s just great, Jeff.  Now advise me how to hold off on another “big purchase” like my glaucoma eyedrops, which went from about $200 to over $400 in just under two years.

...wait;  don’t we have the TSA checks which would stop this mope from getting not one but TWO boxcutters onto the flight?

...good.  I’m getting so sick of all the faggy families bullshit on TV.

...say, for example, by turning Indiana Jones into “Indianetta” Jones?  Oh, wait, this just in:

...to see the franchise nosedive like Chick Ghostbusters”, maybe?  But there’s always more Woke to be had in the Magic Kingdom:

...just another movie nobody will watch.

...his money, his prerogative to spend it as he chooses.  Then:

...and can anyone think of a more worthy recipient?

...and surprise, surprise:  not Florida Man — but “keyword:  Japan” would run a close second.

...thought about this for a while;  nope, still don’t see the problem here.

...good old Apple:  still expecting people to overpay for trendy rubbish.

And from the forgettable INSIGNIFICA:

   

Paige Three:

Finally, for tomorrow, a reminder:

Sponsored by:

And on we go, with most news items in the same spirit as the ad.  It’s not all bad news though, for a change…

…

...should be at the head of the Needle Line.

...in other news, Monopoly Bank also robbed of play money.

...”Enjoy our Kristallnacht Special Bucket!!”  FFS.

...can’t wait to see how they’ll be welcomed when they land in Abu Dhabi or Riyadh.

And in the CLIMATE!CLIMATE!EVERYBODYPANIC!! Dept:

...errrr wasn’t it “Only five years!“, ten years ago?  

And the corollary:

...I love the smell of back-pedaling in the morning.

...RESIST!!  WOLVERINES!!

And in our Science Proves! section:

...keyword:  Iran.

...do we really need to know about this, FFS?

...awkward, maybe, but valid nevertheless once you see the pics.

...no shit.  But at least it’s a recession-proof living.

In the Education Dept:

...she’ll make up the lost income from her OnlyFans account, though and it’s not like any kids were involved.

...fucking hell, just go ahead and surrender already.

In the evermore-irrelevant INSIGNIFICA:

And in our Paige Three section, Paige supports another Instagram tottie, and she’s not bad, albeit somewhat under-endowed:

But The Real Paige still gets it going, sorry:

Brought to you by:

And piss-poor the news is, too:

...aren’t you the guys who started the 2008 global economic crash?

...and we’ll tell you to stick it up your ass.

...can you say “errant torpedo”, children?

...and take a rough guess as to which party and what kind of people would oppose this.

...vs. tens of thousands of law-abiding gun owners in the same city who would disagree.  And on that note:

...and that’s “official” sales. Yup;  the more they hate us and our guns, the more we buy.

...too bad he didn’t start with himself.  Metaverse is going to pull the whole company down.

...thus making instant criminals of a couple hundred thousand people when they tell him to fuck off. 

...a little too late to help John McEnroe, but oh well.

...I was wondering when the feministicals would get round to ol’ Warren.

…unless you’re talking to socialists, in which case you need a spiked ClueBat.

And from linkless INSIGNIFICA:

        

Finally, here’s an Alt-PAIGE 3:

...have to say she’s not bad (in that “rough chick” kinda way), but she’s not a patch on the Real Paige.

YMMV.

No post-election items, just the usual rubbish sponsored by:

The Breakfast Of Champions

And for the rest…

...little fucker should have been scourged, then impaled — but that’s just me.

….muy doloroso.  Also, huevos y putas.

….lemme tell ya, that placenta stuff is a cast-iron bitch to get off upholstery.

….missed it by thismuch.  Also keyword:  Africa.

….fuck this gun-banning asshole San Francisco company and all who work for it.

...hey, if it gets rid of the “der-das-die-den” bullshit, I’m cool.

...this has not been my experience;  although twenty does seem to be overreaching a little.

…

...burn them with fire.

...based on what I know of boys, that sounds about right.

...don’t forget your magic crystal and pyramid either, you fucking gullible morons.

...trust me, you do not want to see this… oh, you do? Here ya go, then, and on your own head be it.

And in INSIGNIFICA:

   

And in our Paige Three segment:

...valid question, that.  Let’s look at a few action shots:

Aaaand that’s enough swinging.