Category: Bad News

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…and boy, the news is extra shitty today.

…and:

…yeah, so remind me why I should get vaccinated again?  Hint:  never, and fuck off.

…I think we should extend that policy to the un-imprisoned pedophiles as well.  Try to convince me I’m wrong.

…

…oooh, the Fibbies must be getting fwightened…

…probably a good idea, come to think of it.  Not that I’m wishing any kind of physical violence against our beloved federal police force, oh no, not me.

…and the next time some terrified homeowner shoots a fed agent by mistake, of course he’ll be the bad guy.

…but hanging and the firing squad are too Krool & Hartless.  Whatever:

…when Captain Slow has a wreck, there’s not much hope for the rest of us.  On the other hand, most of us don’t play silly-bugger games in tunnels.

…am I the only one who had a sudden 1941 flashback?

And in (link-free) INSIGNIFICA:

     
…and if her parents aren’t very proud of her, Child Welfare should be called in.

Finally:  I’m sick of the news.  So instead, here are some Ferraris, suitably accessorized:

So much for the news.

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*not actually.

So let’s use some of that obscure ammo to shoot the first asshole on the list:

…treason trial to begin in 5…4…3… what, no trial?  No firing squad?  Are we surprised?

…from Justin Fidelson, we expected anything else?

…sorry kids, but unless Tony Blair is arrested for calling someone a “twat” on Twitter, we Over Here have more to worry about.

…to which Boris replied: “Hey, remember when I was fired from being Prime Minister?”  He also said: “Slovenia is excellent and I shagged myself silly!”

…yay, so there’s at least ONE Brit with the right idea.

…yeah, more “Sandal” people killing “Gourd” people, or maybe it’s the other way round.  Whatever.

And still on the topic of speaking in tongues:

…ah yes, the Anglicans;  irrelevant (and wrong) as always.

…key word:  lawyer.  And her name:  Karen Snitch.

…key word:  “Jamaicans”.

…not to be taken literally, because this is Britishland, not Murka.

…more to the point, we don’t need any of you assholes.  As you may soon find out.

…considering the competition, not much of a victory.

…man, when those Brits set out to eliminate “embarrassments” to the Royal Family, they sure can be sneaky.  Tunnels in Paris, and now a mountain lion…

…argh, FFS.  Can’t you chicks do anything without over-complicating the thing?

And in link-free INSIGNIFICA:

   

…who she, you say?

Public Service Post:

 

Oh, and about all that fuss:

So now you know;  that, and the news.

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And the news will be only a little worse than a root canal (if that’s the name for that particular position;  I’m kinda out of touch).

…big deal; pretty much everyone at the FBI could be busted for that.

From the Dept. Of The Blindingly Obvious:

…oh please:  Ukraine is more desirable than New York or California.

…one more time, with feeling:

…chances of a school shooting in that county: <0

…if you ignore the “fascist” (which is just shorthand for “someone we don’t like”), we’re left with “White Nationalist”. The GOP isn’t even that.

…not to beat this dead hooker any more, but this wouldn’t have happened with nukes. You idiots.

…and then there are those like Your Grumpy Editor, who was never sweet on them to begin with.

…an inspired example of “community policing” — what happens when cops don’t do their duty.  Local U.S. police forces, nota bene.

…when asked for a comment, Zeus said simply, “My bad, I missed.”

…and I’d like to wring this little Colorado cocksucker’s neck, but no doubt someone’s going to have a problem with this.

…the article is about HHS, but I’ve edited the headline to make it more all-purpose.  Feel free to point out where I’m wrong.

And in link-free INSIGNIFICA:

      …actually sorta btdt, no names, no pain.

…wait:  Shania Twain is 56???

Now that’s news, if there ever was.

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So let’s slip into the female anatomy:

…I’m good on the exterior stuff:  boobs, hoo-hah, shoulders, feet etc.  The interior parts?  None of my business.

…parole?  What about flaying, daily scourging and / or impaling?

…because adding “terrorism” to “murder” will just make it doubleplusungood.  And what about Remington and Browning semi-autos?  Oh, never mind.

…probably just wanted to exclude all that White supremacist “logic ‘n rhetoric ” stuff from the debate, to be replaced with shouting, chanting and drums.

…their state, their laws — just like SCOTUS intended.

…of course it does.  Best cheese in the world, evvah.

…just laying the ground for when the crime of non-payment of taxes results in summary execution.  You heard it here first.

…sounds a lot, until you discover that her Las Vegas gig pays a million bucks a night.

…that’s a real mood-killer, but not as bad as an actual killer:

…not the best outcum, was it? (sp)

And in (link-free) INSIGNIFICA:

…oy.

And finally:

…not surprising, really.  As my old friend, the late, great Scot Bob Hill used to say:  “Och, you wi’ yer smearred makeup, yer scabby skin — yer so durrty, so slutty, so nasty… yer just ma type.”

 

All I can say is that ol’ Jenny’s come a long way since singing backup for Lynyrd Skynyrd… <eyecross>

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Let’s jump right in.

…I can only hope that the cure was found in dolphin livers.

…I like the new euphemism for “rape”:  “struggle snuggle”.

…and goodbye to reliable electricity.

…that’s gonna be a very short series.

…whatever.

…why the question?

…other than Barry Sanders, I didn’t know they had any.

…as long as it’s the top half…

…sounds like the Murkin socialists at the prospect of a Republican tidal wave.

…hey, Numb-Nuts:  “Kill It With Fire!” is what’s known as “hyperbole”.

     

…like anyone cares what a delivery boy thinks.

And finally:

…not bad for an old auntie, is she?

Feel free to disagree, of course, as the Roundup comes [sic]  to a close.

(no sponsor this week, so I’ll just invent one:)

I wish.  Anyway, let’s fire away [sic] :

…a.k.a. Why Kim Left South Africa.

…ummmm… feeling a little conflicted here, Boss.

…wait, you ate street food in Bangladesh? LOLZ

And speaking of inedible food:

…excellent news because on the whole, Hershey makes the world’s worst-tasting chocolate.

From the Dept. of Unwelcome Settlers:

…welcome to our world, compadres.  Every single thing you don’t like about them, we don’t like either. 
(Signed)  Texas, Arizona, Florida, Utah, Idaho, Colorado and a couple others.

…and then the screws locked down the women’s block.  I report, you decide.

…no.  Nice try.  But if we’re going to go down that road, first let’s ban you fuckers from using private jets:  fly commercial.  And sell off your exotic car collections, while you’re there.

…in the “Custer Killed By Indians” Breaking News department.

…leading to the inevitable:  “YOU HAD ONE JOB!”

…“Husband Kills Himself In Delivery Room.”

And in INSIGNIFICA:

 

…and to nobody’s surprise, the last survivor is:

Finally:

…I dunno, man;  seems kind of a waste to me.  And isn’t she Colombian?

And that’s all the news that’s fit to be taxed.