Category: Bad News

News that can be trusted, because it comes from TV, the newspapers and the Internet.

…and to think that we men used to get into trouble for referring to women as “life support systems for pussy”.

…key word:  France.  And ladies, if you and the Mister are in financial difficulties, watch out what he gives you to drink, or at least hide the videocam.

…there go the Republicans, under-achieving as always. I can think of at least seven, without even working at it.

…

…from both sides of the blockage.

…but the national origins of said criminal clans?  A complete mystery.

…they owed him one after turning down the gun-hater to head up the ATF.

,,,being too busy forming their own.

…fixed it for them, the woke journo bastards.

…vive la France.

…why am I not surprised by this?  Best part is all those diet-conscious people who believed in the Diet Coke/Pepsi bullshit and felt virtuous about their choice are probably feeling like proper idiots right now.

…and in Comments, your suggestions for our new country’s name.

Time for INSIGNIFICA:

…I think we all know at least one woman like this.

…in Georgia, this news item would appear in the “Upcoming Weddings” section of the paper.

…tough broads, those Scottish totties.

…and when you see the pic, you’ll see why she had no difficulty at all.

Finally, here’s someone in the news:

     

Okay, Charlotte Hawkins is actually a newsreader on Brit TV, so technically I’m correct…

…which includes some actual news, this time.  I’ll let y’all decide which.

…Biden said he’d been misquoted, and clarified his earlier statement by saying “We can cure cancer by drinking water.”

…when we’ve lost the Swiss, it’s all over.

…and the nation panics.

…key word:  Houston.  In Dallas, it would have been four or five times.

…and despite its surreal headline, it’s actually a worthwhile story.

From the Dept. of the Blindingly Obvious:

…which includes vaccines for measles, smallpox, TB, you name it.

And speaking of the Third World:

…when asked for comment, African and Australian government officials just giggled like little girls.

…yeah, let’s see in ten years’ time whether her home-raised kids do better than any other nine kids picked at random who graduated from a state school.

…make it “String him up!” and I might be interested.

…and you thought your stuff was safe in the bank?  Silly rabbit.

…which used to be called “slut” and “cuckold”, back in the day.

Which leads us to some more INSIGNIFICA:

…causing neighborhood house values to plummet — not because he’s Black, but because he’s Kanye raving loony West.

…key word:  Australia.  (Ha!  you thought I was going to say “Manchester”, didn’t you?)

…and for those unfamiliar with the term (bless you), it means she’ll fuck anything or anyone.  Like we hadn’t already guessed that.

..which article is of interest to no one, except that it contains pictures of Paige Spirinac, who looks like this:

I think you all get the picture(s)…

Today’s Roundup is as long as John Holmes, so let’s get stuck in like he did.

…so in other words, just like it was before we invaded the place twenty years, thousands of American lives and a trillion dollars ago.  How nice.  And in related news:

…yeah, when we get round to compensating the families of American people mistakenly killed by our own cops raiding the wrong address, then we can talk.  So sorry to sound heartless, but fuck you.

In Election News:

…oh what the hell, why should we be the only North Americans to suffer from a shit government?

…who do they think they are?  Michigan Democrats?

…“return”?  What’s Angela Merkel, bread pudding?

…under what definition of “cowardice” does “one man attacks three cops” fall?

…why would the Magyars be listening to Romney?  Nobody in the U.S. does.

…and the results soon follow:

…nice one, Gammy.

…we all agree, except that you live in Britishland so you’re wasting your time.

…in the spirit of Anglo-American friendship, we should send FBI-has-been James Comey Over There to help out.  He’s marginally better than a stuffed donkey, although some opinions differ.

…fuck off, Boris.  The Green bullshit is only to divert attention from all your other cock-ups, and you’re not fooling anyone.  And by the way, trouble is looming:

…and wind power isn’t going to save you, you Etonian shit-for-brains. [redundancy alert]

…well, I guess that technically speaking, 2% is less than half.

…this is a “dog bites man” report.

Time for some INSIGNIFICA:

…she tricked you, not him, Toots.

…in a follow-up report, the doctor was found beaten to death by a caffeine-deprived lunatic.  And I have an alibi.

…is this a great country, or what?

Now pick two of the following that you’d invite to an airborne threesome:

A:

B:

C:

D:

E:

F:

G:

Remember:  only two.

All the news that’s fit to whatever.

…the poor things should probably ask advice from elderly family members who survived the Blitz.  OMG they didn’t even have cell phones and online gaming back then.

…next, they’ll be banning breathing on odd-numbered dates.  To save the planet.

…bet they got that name from random Scrabble tiles.

…I hate to break it to you all, but Kim Kardashian IS a Dementor.

…as long as they move them all back to California or New York, we’re good.

…which is probably because Democrats fear just about everything.  Anyway, that being the case, a whole bunch of Afghan “refugees” should be relocated into Democrat-majority neighborhoods.

And speaking of Democrat neighborhoods:

…California lawmakers having fixed all their state’s serious problems.

From the Heart Of Stone Dept:

 

…in an immediate statement to the New York Times, Hillary Clinton called it the worst case of mass suicide ever, and added that she and all her staff had alibis.

…actually, what I’d like to know is:  could White minority rule be any worse than the current situation?

And now it’s time for INSIGNIFICA:

    
…only time I was close to having an orgasm at a gym, I was told to put it away.

Finally, on the topic of women, orgasms and Dementors:

Yeah, Lynn Russell:  the only good thing ever to come out of Headline News.